My mother called the police

[Mooshamoo]

My elderly mother can be overbearing. However she has reached new levels.

I told her I would call her last night. However something came up and I didn't. I decided I would call her today instead.

Because I didn't call her last night.

She called the police to come round and check on me this morning. I opened the door to a police woman this morning. The policewoman said "your mother rang us and said she was worried about you".

On top of that, she did something else.

I am selling my house. My mother rang my estate agent this morning aswell and asked him to ring me to check on me.

It was so embarassing. When he rang me I thought he was ringing about the house. He rang and said "your mother called us".

When I spoke to her later I said "why on earth did you ring my estate agent". She said "because he had a key to your house".

I felt so harassed and stressed this morning. like it's way over the top. I mean come on!

Um, does she have form for this kind of thing? How old is she?

That's unacceptable behaviour. She needs to get a grip.

I used to work with someone who would ring around our office numbers to reach her if she didn't reply to a phone call quickly enough. Or would ring her landline at home late at night if she didn't message to say she was home safely - she was in her 50s so way beyond the age of needing to check in with her mum.

We used to advise that she had a sharp word with her about it but she never would.

Why didn't you text her to say you'd call today instead?

She is 75.

She does have form for being "worried" if I don't call her at the exact time I say I will. If I don't call her at the exact day I say I will, I usually get comments about not caring about her etc etc

However she is getting way worse. This is the first time she has called the police to come round to my house. I'm just exhausted from it all. She is exhausting

Why should I have to? I don't have to do that.

Could her anxiety be worsening due to other medical issues?

I said to her today that she is like a stalker. I'm just fed up of it all.

Her behaviour is escalating. What if I don't answer a call next time, is she going to ring the police, ring my work, ring my estate agent.

Could be the start of dementia 😕🤗

She may be unwell. She may be worried. You could be a little more understanding.

What was her response?
I'd suggest a doctors appointment if it's an issue that is getting worse.

People's traits get worse as they age, so it isn't surprising that she is getting worse. It's common for anxiety to increase. You are going to have to manage this by not making promises that you can't keep. After a few incidents to the police they sometimes put a adult SS referral in. Do you care about her? If so you will have to text etc. It's no different than having a relative developing dementia.

She might need mental health support for her anxiety

It wasn't my choice. I didn't say to her "I'll definitely call you on Thursday".

I would like to not stick to one specific time. I would like to give her a call any day of the week when it suits me.

However she is obsessed with knowing what day I will call her. She asked when I will call her again and I said "probably around Thursday". I am never telling her a specific time or day again as if I don't ring her at that time, she goes insane

We’ll stop giving her a time that you’ll call for a start. And tell her if she does that again you’ll be forced to report your concerns about her deteriorating mental health and increased paranoia to social services.

yeesh…it sounds like second one may not be far off the mark.

I agree

Age related anxiety is very common - I used to work as a carer.

She may need to see her GP - you could email ahead and say you've got concerns. My late Dad used to get really worried if we didn't answer our house phone - I walk a lot with my dogs and he'd get very panicky that I'd fallen or something (not that I ever had). I know it's frustrating, but it comes from love. Rule out any medical issues, then agree when she's allowed to worry.

I didn't give her a specific time. I said "around Thursday".

Also things happen and people change their minds about calls. Like if my brother said he would call me on Thursday, and he didn't, I wouldnt care, I would just presume that something bad popped up work wise or family wise. Surely that is a normal response

Definitely need to have a chat with the doctors. It’s not unusual for the elderly to suffer with anxiety but when they start calling the police out unnecessarily someone needs to step in and help them deal with it. Could quite possibly be the start of Alzheimer’s disease.

It sounds like her mental health is deteriorating.
Does she live alone? Does she have any support? You could have a word with the person who lives with her, if there is someone, who can remind her to keep calm.

At 75yo, have you considered that this escalation in behaviour may well be due to an issue organic in nature as opposed to her deliberately trying to piss you off. It would seem more likely. Is she displaying other behaviours that are either new, or pre-existing g but now more pronounced, or escalating?

You need to say to her “I’ll call you at some point but if I don’t, then don’t worry about me as I am fine!” Surely she tried to get hold of you first before police and estate agents?!

Don't tell her you will do things unless you can guarantee you can do it, say you will try rather than will.

Text to say if you can't do a phonecall rather than no contact.

Speak to her GP to say you are worried over her level of anxiety over you, say you are mentioning it in case its relevant to her medical history.

I hate saying the mumsnet usual...but I do wonder if dementia is starting.

Yes she lives alone

nvm...seem others are saying the same.