Children's intelligence level

[unsuresue2]

I'm going to be totally honest here- at the risk of sounding very snobby but can't shake a feeling of real disappointment for my kids.
It's obvious to me that my kids are middle of the road in their class for maths and really struggling with literacy, understandable as both diagnosed with dyslexia- however their general IQ / CAT scores are also mid range (literacy really low against this) and my older child will start GCSE work soon and it's clear he will struggle to keep up.
I have been getting all help I can, fortunate position where I can afford tutors etc
But I find it really sad for them and a constant worry for me, that their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life.
I have always been in the higher end IQ, loved school and got really good marks that allowed for uni education and professional qualifications- and I am fully aware of the privileged position that put me in- with good job and high earnings I enjoy today- I just don't see my kids being able to attain anywhere near that educational success, and I really worry for them that life will be a struggle.
They have loads of wonderful qualities- sporty (not premier league/ Olympics) kind and funny, great emotional intelligence etc.
I love them unconditionally, goes without saying, but I just want the very best for them and can't seem to shake this feeling that their intelligence markers are not predicting great futures.
Please help me with some perspective/ similar experiences

If it helps, my husband didn't do well at school and now earns close to £100k, managing a professional team. Just worked his way up by working hard.

Or they could become tradesman, own their own business and earn great living. Same with recruitment and other sales based jobs.

Lots of people in well paid jobs aren't academically gifted.

But also, money doesn't buy happiness.

the most successful people I know (in terms of wealth) did awfully at school! As long as they are happy, that really is the main thing

I got expelled from two schools 😁

Two degrees and a postgrad later, I earn a nice wage and advise on gov policy

Having had no money and now having money, I disagree.

Money gives you freedom.

Well you're right that academic intelligence is one predictor of future success, but it is not the only one. A lot of recent research suggests that it is dwarfed by other factors - primarily parental support. I can't find the article, but I read once that a massive predictor for future success was whether children were read to at bedtime and had dinner as a family. It sounds like you care about your children and as long as they feel nurtured they will have the foundations for all sorts of success.
As someone who is firmly embedded in academia and education I can tell you that a lot of school assessments are actually rather poor measures of academic ability anyway. There is a lot of hoop jumping which puts people onto a treadmill of GCSE - A-level - university - job. I've seen several people appear rather mediocre until they find the thing they are passionate about and then, if they have the right "soft skills" such as a good work ethic, the ability to listen and ask the right questions and the resilience to accept they don't always succeed first time, they go on to absolutely flourish.

I went to university and got a first
my brother messed around at school and left after just scraping through gcses
He had no uni debts and currently earns around 80k a year (10k more than me!) in the building industry
They will have their own skills and strengths, you just need to find them and build on them.
Also remember though that money doesn’t equal success and happiness
They could work for the minimum wage and still be very very happy

I am in similar boat I have 3 kids, two are dyslexic and one of those also has adhd the other also has dyscalculia. We are in Ireland and the supports are good for them particularly in primary but we have a very academic education system. My eldest in secondary has progressed quite well and starts her junior cert (gcse)next week. Her emotions and stress are all over the place though because exams do not suit her. I do believe that they are very bright and I am confident they will thrive once through the education system so my job is to keep their self esteem and confidence in tact and then I do feel the world is their oyster, they my not be able for the traditional route into careers but supports in third level are very good and there are access programmes for people with additional needs. The world of work is also recognising the benefit of a neuro diverse and dyslexic brain and it is now seen as a strength in many workplaces "dyslexic thinker" is now listed as a unique skill.

It is hard though, things are tough enough for young people without additional needs and it is exhausting being their advocate 💐.

their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life
This is very wrong imo. Some jobs need professional qualifications and further study eg being a doctor but not all knowledgeable people got their knowledge through school. For example the people who design gardens for the Chelsea Flower Show won't have done an A-level in that kind of design. They probably worked in all kinds of gardens and learned from more experienced people about how to design and choose.
My adult son didn't go to university but has enjoyed doing an apprenticeship and is considering another because he's found a new focus. He enjoys working and studying simultaneously and is very motivated when it comes to learning and training through work. I was raised like you to keep on doing qualifications so this was alien to me but he's had promotions and makes enough to live on his own which is obviously a major struggle for young people these days.

"their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life"
this is not true at at.. please please please do not let them ever feel that you are disappointed in their academic achievements. as long as they try their best. My DH dropped out in year 12 - he now has a very well paid job in tech. experience, skills and generally common sense will get you much further in your career, in my experience.

I have a close relative who is incredibly intelligent - cleverer than anyone I know - and they have struggled in the world of work. They found academics so easy that they couldn’t fathom the hierarchy of the workplace and how people less intelligent had climbed much higher. I think in terms of success, self-confidence and drive is far more important than academic ability. Good parenting and support will provide the former, and you can teach drive and resilience. A high IQ isn’t necessarily a marker of success!

The important thing is for your DC to achieve their potential. Not everyone can be a brain surgeon, and not everyone with a lower level of education will be poor.
Everyone who works hard should earn enough for a reasonable standard of living and it is disgusting that this doesn't happen. Also anyone who works hard should be treated with respect and not looked down on whether they are in hospitality, retail, cleaner or any other service type role.

My husband left school at 15 certicate-less. He now has two degrees and a professional qualification.

Attitude leads to attainment. Some get it later in life.

I totally get that. My DD age 7 is also 'average' and I sometimes find it hard to bite my tongue when I'm helping her with homework! I was very academic, I never had to work particularly hard at school but got great results. My husband on the other hand wasn't very academic, didn't go to uni, is dyslexic, and is now associate director of a company earning 80k. I did go to uni for a skilled profession and work in the NHS on 30k. I could progress but quite frankly I don't have that determination at the moment!

It's all down to personality and drive I think. You can be top of the class but not put the effort into attaining a successful career. Or you might not achieve great results in school but have the ambition and determination to work your way up.

You can’t change who they are. You can’t force them into a box they don’t fit into.

they are so much more that just their intelligence. Focus on their happiness and well-being rather than pressuring them.

Maybe your perspective of "successful" is skewed?

I think sometimes dyslexia means you come into your own academically a bit later than other children.

For example I was generally quite average in first and middle school, I worked very hard but dyslexia meant I didn’t have time to finish most of my work and the ‘copy this off the board’ or out of a book style of teaching meant I was so slow. Weekly spelling tests were the bane of my life.

Around year 9/10 my literacy skills didn’t hold me back as much but all of the extra effort that I was used to putting in compared to my peers really started to show and I finished GCSEs with 8A*s. Though I did only get an A in English language and a B in French (I am amazed I scraped a B tbh). I still didn’t finish most of the exam papers and you hand writing was almost illegible. It was such a surprise that I’d surpassed all of the kids who I thought of as ‘the clever ones’ that I’d known all through school.

In 6th form I was finally able to access more reasonable adjustments, for essay subjects I could type exams on a laptop and I had extra time. Came out with As and A*s.

I still have terrible spelling and handwriting and I have been known to leave the house forgetting to put shoes on but I have a good professional career after doing and undergrad, masters and PgDip.

Knowing your limitations and playing to your strengths can be a good thing in the world of work. So if you have some artistic flair, great spatial awareness and enjoy being outdoors then something like landscaping or architecture might lead to a wonderfully successful career. But if you also have dyslexia and struggle with calculations because of it then maybe pay someone to do your accounts instead of risking getting them wrong or carrying on with them so disorganized it negatively affects the business.

I did really well and don't earn too much £32k I work really hard in my stressful/emotionally challenging role aswell! Currently retraining to earn more

My husband did badly in school (academically) and earns more.

I have friends who struggled academically but earn around £60/70/80k a year

Academic prowess isn't always an indicator of success. It's about drive, skill, motivation, business know-how and connections as well!

Also my dad was mute until 8, couldn't read until 16 and left school with nothing. He has an undergrad degree, masters and is moving towards a PhD now as well!

I did brilliantly at school and got a First at uni. Was never more miserable than when trying to do something with it. I’m much happier now I work 4 days a week in a job that isn’t too challenging. I earn a quarter of what my brother does but I’m much happier. And isn’t that really what we want for our kids? Not achievement but happiness? Focus on that instead. How can you help them be secure, confident, happy with who they are, emotionally stable and independent? That’s what success looks like, imo.

Mate is a plumber and gas fitter. Bomb school, probably dyslexic and now runs his own firm of people earning lots of money. Academic ability doesn't always correlate with money and success
I did well academically and not half as well paid as him

Being academic isn't everything neither is it a sign that you will/ won't succeed in life my 16 year old is right in the middle of his GCSE,s right now he's not academic at all however he was critically ill in intensive care in February so I'm very proud of him that has a actually sitting his exam,s and whatever his results are he's done brilliantly in my eyes
He has a l place at college for a level two course which will.hopefully lead to.level.three,there are so many options post 16

As well as academic ability, there are other attributes that surely contribute to success or otherwise. Things like motivation, personality, common sense, charisma, work ethic and probably lots more.

It also depends on any definition of success. You can define it as earning a big salary, overseas holidays, big house and fancy car. Equally, you can define it as being content, having positive relationships, feeling fulfilled and being happy. Who’s to say which is better.

Children who aren’t high fliers academically might turn out to be very practical, or very people oriented, or empathetic.

Encourage them to make the most of whatever attributes and talents they have. What makes them happy will make you happy too.

I have 2 siblings. I'd say we're all intelligent but to differing degrees - one is extraordinarily intelligent, the other two not so much but one was far more academic than the other, who was more average at school.

Average at school has gone onto have a fantastic career and commands a high wage.

Academic hasn't reached their potential and doesn't earn much.

Extraordinarily intelligent has really struggled in life with long periods out of work.

Someone who does well educationally will still not be as successful in life as someone whose Daddy hands them a house and a family business. Someone with excellent qualifications but who is disabled will often not be as successful as someone who is less qualified but not disabled, because of discrimination. Educational attainment is by no means the deciding factor so stop worrying about it.