Children's intelligence level

[unsuresue2]

I'm going to be totally honest here- at the risk of sounding very snobby but can't shake a feeling of real disappointment for my kids.
It's obvious to me that my kids are middle of the road in their class for maths and really struggling with literacy, understandable as both diagnosed with dyslexia- however their general IQ / CAT scores are also mid range (literacy really low against this) and my older child will start GCSE work soon and it's clear he will struggle to keep up.
I have been getting all help I can, fortunate position where I can afford tutors etc
But I find it really sad for them and a constant worry for me, that their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life.
I have always been in the higher end IQ, loved school and got really good marks that allowed for uni education and professional qualifications- and I am fully aware of the privileged position that put me in- with good job and high earnings I enjoy today- I just don't see my kids being able to attain anywhere near that educational success, and I really worry for them that life will be a struggle.
They have loads of wonderful qualities- sporty (not premier league/ Olympics) kind and funny, great emotional intelligence etc.
I love them unconditionally, goes without saying, but I just want the very best for them and can't seem to shake this feeling that their intelligence markers are not predicting great futures.
Please help me with some perspective/ similar experiences

There's plenty of mediocre people in the UK going very well for themselves. I shouldn't worry about it. Just have a laugh with them, they will probably be fine.

*doing very well for themselves

OP, Richard Branson dropped out of school at 15, dyslexic, with no qualifications.
Didn’t stop him becoming the multimillionaire owner of Virgin Records and Virgin Atlantic!

The woman who does my nails (also does eyebrows!) earns £100k + a year

She's honestly a pork pie short of a picnic, by her own admission. Can't spell, can barely read. Not that daft though as she pays someone else to do her website and accounts.

My DH isn't the brightest- he's earning good money now.

I'm actually super academic - and failing miserably in life tbh potential wise. I'm sure I'm a bitter disappointment to my parents having forked out for private school.

There's quite a bit of luck to getting on in life and sorry I disagree that you have to be 'intelligent' to do well and earn good money.

One of my mates is a builder and pays his labouring lads £1k a week - cash!

I'm very academic with post grad qualifications. I'm an underpaid writer. Whereas if I had a trade, such as plumbing, I'd be really well paid. Don't let snobbery prevent you from helping your children reach their full potential. Are they sporty with great emotional intelligence? Maybe they'd make a fantastic coach or personal trainer? Perhaps they could even set up their own gym or boot camp?

We accepted this about our kids some time ago. It's fine, they'll find their thing. They'll probably have less stressful lives than we have. We both went to Oxford, but I have often found the weight of expectations put on high achievers a bit difficult.

I just want the very best for them and can't seem to shake this feeling that their intelligence markers are not predicting great futures.

So anyone who isnt as intelligent as you or have your "intelligence markers don't have a great future/life?

And "the best" for them means being like you and being academic?

Bit of a shit way to look at the world. Yes you can be upset your children arent top of the class but that's life. We need people working across all sorts of professions.

Would you be embarrassed by your children for having an average job and wage? Happiness can only happen if you are a high earning professional?

My exes brother died by suicide because his parents where disgusted he wanted to work in a bar after university and told him his life would be horrendous and he would end up a bin man with a depressing life.
They pushed grinds on him and extra courses.
Stupid, foolish man and woman have lost their son forever because they were mortified he wouldn't be an engineer like them or a businessman.

At his funeral, the mother lied to family about what I did for a living at the time and told them I was in university when I wasn't.

As others have said, academic achievement does not equate success in life. It may have for you and it may do for some but it is not a black and white thing.

Example, I’m a primary school teacher and did the typical academic route; 10 good GCSEs, 4 A levels, Undergraduate degree and then post grad. Average earnings.

My sibling left school at 16 with only a few GCSEs, worked way up through vocational apprenticeships and college courses whilst working and is now earning 3 times as much as me and has ‘come into their own’ later in life in terms of ‘intelligence’.

Its sad that we still view academic success in kids as they ultimate goal. The world has moved on so much in recent decades and trust me as a teacher when I say exams etc are NOT a measure of true achievement. They just show how good someone is at ‘exams’ and how good a memory they have for remembering things to regurgitate into a test paper.

This. I’m an academic high achiever and whilst I have a decent enough job certainly not any sort of stellar career. There’s more to success than academic smarts.

I feel you though OP my eldest is a high flyer at school all As in exams so far but my youngest despite being just as intelligent is autistic and struggles to stay in a classroom

I just wanted to say OP that I understand. This sort of panic is very real for parents who sailed through school themselves. I have Mum friends who remember being in special reading groups themselves, or flunking different tests - and they are much more balanced in their perspective and reactions when their own children experience the same. I, on the other hand, was crying into my pillow with worry - because I never experienced anything other than plain sailing. As others have said though, it really does not dictate their futures......at all! Get that out of your head, and make sure they understand it too. We have been conditioned to believe it, but it's just not true. It is of course important to support their academic education, but I would say "inner drive" is a much stronger predictor of where a person will end up in life than academics.

I know plenty of people I was at school with that didn't set the world on fire a academically, but have gone on to run their own successful businesses.

Intelligence is no guarantee of doing well in life.

The wealthiest person I know isn't bright in the intellectual sense at all. He left school at 15 and did an apprenticeship in one of the building trades. He and his wife have made millions, buying properties that have potential for massive extension/redevelopment and doing just that. He has vision and drive and does the vast majority of the work himself. And they always live in them as soon as they're habitable, so no CGT to pay.

Their "profit" on the last one was well in excess of £2m. Not bad for 2 years work!

I'm not sure there's that much correlation between doing well academically and earning high salaries.

The people I know who've done 'best' were immensely driven, regardless of ability. Or who were only really good at one thing and pursued that in a very single minded way, which worked out well for them.

A bit far ahead but maybe US universities, they like all rounders and not just grades. There is no end of year exams, lots of work given and mini tests marking that makes your overall grade.
Friends, identical twins, one is very academic and top London university, average salary job. Brother, could only go to US due to not great A levels but SAT score good because it is multiple choice questions plus rugby scholarship. US graduate, set up and sold 3 business and just a chill nice guy.

One of my most successful friends left school at 16 with very few GCSEs and got a job in a call centre but is very charming with the 'gift of the gab' and has got to where she is now by being likeable and putting herself forward for things, she's now travelling the world for work earning well over double what I am with my straight A's and 1st class degree!

They'll find their own path and it doesn't need to be highly academic ☺️

I agree. But having a good set of qualifications gives you options even if you don't want a particularly "academic" future, decent grades in at least Maths and English at GCSE will mean that you can tick the "entry requirements" for lots of options at colleges above and beyond their "core skills" style of basic courses, or allow you into sixth form colleges for A levels. The middling grades at A level will let you "tick the boxes" for some professional qualifications that don't require a degree. I'd say all efforts need to be getting grades 4 or 5 at GCSE for Maths and English and as many other subjects as can reasonable be obtained, but Maths and English need to be prioritised. So many doors are closed if you don't have those valuable GCSE passes in Maths and English.

I have always been in the higher end IQ, loved school and got really good marks that allowed for uni education and professional qualifications

Me too, and yet I imagine I am not a "successful" adult by your assessment. It really depends on how you define success doesn't it?

I have a job that I love, but many would say I'm "over-qualified" for. I don't care as I'm passionate about it, I find it interesting and rewarding and know I'm making a difference, but it is not particularly well paid.

My DH who left school with no qualifications and was written off by his Teachers and his parents as someone who would never amount to anything now earns 4 x my salary. School wasn't for him, but it turns out that he has the kind of intelligence our education system doesn't really measure or value. He has an excellent work ethic, is creative and a great leader but you wouldn't know any of that from his GCSE results or his school reports! Don't be so quick to write your DC off, OP.

If he does it too often, HMRC will start to tax him as if it's his "trade", which it is! You can only churn houses and live in them so many times before HMRC challenge it. There are court cases where "quality" of occupation is found to be missing, even when there's no doubt that a person was actually living in the house, and main residence relief denied for that reason, and other cases where a succession of "doer-uppers" have been found to be a trade and taxed accordingly when there's clear activity and improvement rather than gains merely due to house price inflation. Your friend needs to be very careful.

It’s far from the indicator of success it used to be. My brother is significantly more “book clever” than me but I have a more successful career/earn more than him. I’ve also interviewed people many times where their CV looks outstanding from an educational point of view and they were the worst candidates because they lack other skills.

I was definitely a below average student at primary school. I think I'm probably mildly dyslexic. Nobody expected much from me academically (including me) and I was kind of left to bimble along. I hated school with a passion and hardly did any work until suddenly at the start of year 11 I began to engage a little and found I was no longer rubbish at all things academic. No one expected me to get the grades to be able to do A-Levels but I passed all my GCSEs and actually went on to do 4 A-levels, and 5 degrees (inc a PhD). I don't earn a fortune but I'm an expert in my field of research. I suppose I'm saying, you may not yet know what your DC are capable of academically, esp if they have the challenge of dyslexia to grapple with. Some of us are late bloomers!

I work in top-level architecture practice, and six of the 25 partners have dyslexia, and over half didn't attend a Russell Group university for part of their education.

Let them follow their passions; you may be surprised by the outcome.

Money gives you freedom.

Money gives you freedom to make choices, those choices might not necessarily make you happy.

Find what they’re good at and heap on as much praise as you can. Children are much likely to succeed if they feel they excel in some areas.

Similar to me - though did get into top stream and always tested well that seemed to get overlooked and everyone was surprised how well I did GCSE.

It was at university I was diagnosed with dyslexic - got 2:1 and went on to a MSc.

There are many people I know who did middling at school but went on to decent livelihoods.

I do worry about the DC - two currently sitting exams a lot - but there are other paths if they don't get the needed grades for what they currently want though I really hope they do get there first time.

Agree so much with this - and I am a teacher. Even by the end of their school career, the "naturally bright" don't always achieve the best outcomes anyway. Work ethic and good social skills (and emotional intelligence) go a long way.