Children's intelligence level

[unsuresue2]

I'm going to be totally honest here- at the risk of sounding very snobby but can't shake a feeling of real disappointment for my kids.
It's obvious to me that my kids are middle of the road in their class for maths and really struggling with literacy, understandable as both diagnosed with dyslexia- however their general IQ / CAT scores are also mid range (literacy really low against this) and my older child will start GCSE work soon and it's clear he will struggle to keep up.
I have been getting all help I can, fortunate position where I can afford tutors etc
But I find it really sad for them and a constant worry for me, that their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life.
I have always been in the higher end IQ, loved school and got really good marks that allowed for uni education and professional qualifications- and I am fully aware of the privileged position that put me in- with good job and high earnings I enjoy today- I just don't see my kids being able to attain anywhere near that educational success, and I really worry for them that life will be a struggle.
They have loads of wonderful qualities- sporty (not premier league/ Olympics) kind and funny, great emotional intelligence etc.
I love them unconditionally, goes without saying, but I just want the very best for them and can't seem to shake this feeling that their intelligence markers are not predicting great futures.
Please help me with some perspective/ similar experiences

My sister and I were I high achievers in school and told we had high IQs. She and her husband make over €100k. Constantly getting promotions and recognition. They are the most miserable people I know and by extension, their lovely lovely children also have a miserable life.

I chose a sporty/physical job,make good money but not nearly as much as they do obviously, my partner has a trade and makes good money, we are miles happier and it shows.

That's not to say there are not plenty of intelligent, high earning, happy people out there! It just means that IQ and income have fuck all to do with it.

This is not accurate at all for current generations. I struggled through high school, barely got my GCSEs to an acceptable level and never done uni.
Now I am leading a department (at 32) and earning about £90k net.
I am successful, gritty and a respected professional

By the way, success isn’t just measured by the £££ amount and life is more than just work. Not to mention being a decent human…

That's really interesting. Eating in front of the TV (or using screens) must be much more common now than in the pre-digital era - certainly it rarely happened in my childhood - I wonder when the research was from?

@nobodysdaughternow your post is sad so I wanted to acknowledge it - it’s clear that significant additional needs is very different to merely just not being that academic. Wishing you and your family well.

aaah this story makes me happy.

My dad got expelled from school. he has a PhD as an educational psychologist and was a head teacher. What's hilarious is that he did not actually know he had been expelled. His parents told him that they were moving him to somewhere more suitable and it only came out he was actually expelled when I was in my teens. He was completely floored!

People skills and social skills get you further in life than purely academic.

More often, incredibly intelligent people lack common sense or ability to socialise with people of differing backgrounds. If someone can navigate social interactions with people from different walks of life, a chameleon I suppose, they’ll get further. Respecting people, being kind to people, are all very good traits.

Grades do not equate to financial success. People who think they are superior because they got good grades often lack the social element I mention before as social awareness is lacking.

I am relatively intelligent. However I’m not naturally book smart. I was always quite lazy at school and coasted. My sibling is incredibly incredibly smart and intelligent, far more so than me. Reads a book once and retains it. I had to work at it.

I now earn around £150k per year. I only got 1A and mostly B/C at GCSE. My emotional intelligence is high. I can read people well and adapt to most situations very well. I am incredibly resilient to change. I’m determined so when life throws me lemons, I stand up and figure out a solution. None of this is learnt from books.

If they have other traits beyond being able to sit an exam, encourage that. It sounds like they are gifted in many other ways.

With respect, I would also reflect internally at yourself and why you feel the way you do. Do you feel you look down on others you deem to be of lower IQ and judge them for it, so worry your kids will suffer that same fate? That’s on you, not them. You need to consider changing your own behaviours and feelings, not feeling disappointed in them. Kids will carry that with them. You may not feel you’re making it obvious and known to them, but you likely will be without realising it.

The world would be a boring place if we were all the same. We should celebrate differences and not consider those less than us because they aren’t the same as us. Everyone has something to offer, it’s whether people recognise that or support them in delivering it.

Univ lecturer here - and this is spot on. I’ve seen many students do well in their degree having not shine academically at school. My own DC has done well (got graduate job straight away after univ) with BBB at A level - has done far better in terms of degree class and graduate job than quite a few of his mates who got A stars.
He worked hard in his placement year and got involved in uni societies and has Duke of Edinburgh gold. That seems to matter more than A stars.

I’m a secondary school teacher and I don’t believe academic ability is that important. There are so many other factors to consider. I teach some amazing pupils in ‘bottom sets’ who struggle with basic maths but are hard workers, polite and confident and I know they’ll go on to do great things.

The ones I worry about the most are those that don’t care, are rude and will leave in a months time with no idea what they’re going to do next. As a parent, I think one of the most important things you can do is to talk to your kids about jobs/careers and what they will need to do to achieve those.

If they would do better with an apprenticeship, look into those with them, early, so they know what is required. Work experience is also really good to see if it might be something they would enjoy. Not everyone will (or should!) do A levels or stay on at school, but they need to have an idea of where they’re heading and how to get there.

I don’t think money/success necessarily equals happiness, but actually job satisfaction has more to do with it. If you don’t enjoy what you do every day, you’ll be miserable!

Some really interesting posts here. I really agree with the posters who say it's a lot about playing to one's strengths as well. I have friends who were amazing academically but struggled with working in the real world. Others who were also handed a lot by family. It really isn't always academic. I struggled with anxiety towards the end of my studies so didnt do amazingly/fulfil my potential but I then worked in a lot of places and my social skills are pretty good in terms of I get on well with people/im great in a team and get stuck in so now I make 6 figures, more than a lot who were academically better at the time. Definitely push your children but try and give them other opportunities to flourish

My father was a very academic man, an intellectual snob. He railroaded us all in to university even though I never really wanted to go. He was constantly upset that I wasn’t interested or ‘flying academically’ as well as I should be. My brother on the other hand did amazingly well, he ended up 5 ‘A levels (all As). A first class honours degree and a PHD. He now lives alone, no job and smokes so much weed his head is fried. All that money and time and worry thrown in to his academic life and for what? I, on the other hand, do earn a decent wage but more importantly am extremely happy and would measure my success by that. The real trick in life is to be happy, that’s what should be focused on.

Not being academic isn’t the end of the world. I would much rather my son got a trade when leaves school than went to uni but ultimately I want him to be happy, confident and comfortable in his own skin. Having worked for a long tIme as a nanny to very rich families I’ve witnessed them pushing their kids into the “best” schools “best” activities etc but these weren’t always what was right for their child and often the children were unhappy and felt parents weren’t listening, several parents were very successful in their careers but had little people skills and couldn’t function well in everyday life as they’d been so career focused. With love and support your children will find their own paths

But I find it really sad for them and a constant worry for me, that their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life.

It was your route to success but there are other ways of achieving career success or having a successful life. You will doom your children to failure if you give them the impression that academic qualifications are the only way to measure their potential for success.

Encourage them to play to their strengths rather than improve in areas they lack any aptitude for. Persisting with pressuring them to achieve academically will erode their self esteem and poor self esteem is not a good foundation for success.

i am quite traditionally intelligent, high IQ, academic, blah blah. My husband is above average intelligence but definitely dossed about at school and uni, but now earns nearly 4 times as much as me because he was willing to graft at his job. He has considerably more career potential than me as well. I have struggled. Sometimes kids who are constantly told they are brilliant and who don’t have to work very hard to do well struggle once they’re off the GCSE - A level - university treadmill.

Is your main concern that they will not be academic or that they will not be rich? The two are rarely go hand in hand. This is a very interesting article that was published in the FT https://www.ft.com/content/f716bea0-21eb-4ac5-923e-e268d307f3e6 and I have to agree with it! I worked in an academic setting with some of the most intelligent people in the country (some are ranked top of the their field worldwide) but they don’t earn even near as much as I would have expected and yet they are driven by their thirst for knowledge. I have family and friends in the financial sector who are of average intelligence but are earning very high salaries - their drive is very different. Your children will find their way - as long as they are happy now and have the space and to all their options.

google dyslexia and entrepreneurs! Dyslexics often make great entrepreneurs as they need to think outside of the box to get around their problem. Virgin Atlantic boss Richard springs to mind.

Focus on what they're really good at, and enjoy. Sure, English and Maths are necessary in life, but do they show a flare for acting, singing, sports, design? Just because they're 'average' in the usual things does not mean they cannot excel at something. I am desperately disappointed that my children don't enjoy reading - and it's beginning to take its toll on ds's English attainment (reading age lower than his classmates). He hates reading. I was a book worm. I instead focus on the things he enjoys and is good at. How many tv chefs flunked school?!

What this thread actually seems to say is that mediocre men will still out earn very intelligent women.

This has also been something I’ve noticed. Not sure it says much about how importance intelligence is tbh.

My husband was average at school but had a flare for IT. Went to college but didn’t finish it, never went to Uni and left school with average grades. Also suspects he’s dyslexic but never picked up at school. He’s been earning 6 figures since he was early thirties as is naturally good in the IT field.

I’m also average, did try hard at school but very much struggled with maths & English. I’m in a £40k a year job and very much love what I do.

Whilst being financially secure has its benefits, it’s far more important for your children to be happy. You should encourage them to figure out what they enjoy and pursue that as a career. Our DS loves animals, wants to work in an animal shelter as an adult which is probably not very well paid, school is not his forte. As long as he’s happy we’ll support him in whatever path he chooses.

Thank you! TV off in our house for dinner now on. We don't generally eat with the DC but I'm going to make an effort to do that in future and chat with them.

My friends son 19. Always struggled in school. Failed most of his GCSEs. Now working an apprenticeship in a trade. Saved up over £10k for a house deposit in under 6 months. Earning close to what I earn on an apprentice wage and will easily exceed my husbands professional masters degree salary once he qualifies in his trade. It’s not all about academia

With more and more AI I think practical skills, trades and caring professions will be the sought after jobs in a few years.

But I find it really sad for them and a constant worry for me, that their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life.

This isn't true in the slightest op. There's so many other ways they can become successful in life without doing amazingly in school.

I never did particularly well at school, was rubbish at maths, gained 2.5 GCSES and qualified in hair and beauty. Never done hair or beauty by the way 😂, started in admin in 2002 on around 11k per year and now head up a finance department earning close to 100k. I still have no qualifications, I just had a very good attitude to ‘getting shit done’ and was the go to person. I had departments fight for me for roles I had never even heard of because they knew after putting in the initial training I would be like a bullet clearing up all the old rubbish left behind and pathing new ways to ensure success in the department. Please don’t worry about them, every job I apply for states uni degrees required, and I’ve never been turned down as my experience far outweighs the qualification, 9/10 they put them on there not because it’s essential, but they just want somebody with some savvy. As long as they are trying then that’s all you can ask, they will find their way x

I have two dc. DC1 is of medium intelligence, has dyslexia and needed a Maths tutor to get through Highers, very sporty (national level), dropped out of uni after two years (unrelated to academia reason). DC2 is very intelligent, well read, has a degree but has self esteem problems.

Today DC1 earns £180k+ and is employed in a high level position where usually a degree is required. DC2 is on about £30k working in the creative industry.

The difference between the two is not because of intelligence but resilience, competitiveness, confidence and ambition.