Do holidays and days out really not matter?

[bottomlypotts22]

Every time the school holidays roll around I get this feeling of inadequacy about not doing enough with my kids. And every time I give my head a wobble and remember that love, time and attention are far more important.

Having said that, I want my dc to experience things outside of our hometown. Yes we go to the park, library, swimming, cafes but it's all things they've done before. I always felt like I wanted to give my kids more holidays and days out (not for the Instagram brags) but so they have a well rounded view of the world and plenty of experiences under their belt. Not just the same old things in the same old environment.

As it turns out, work commitments, money issues and the fact I don't drive always seem to get in the way. We have no holiday booked yet for this year and half term has once again been busy but just with the same old shit - swimming, park, walks, lunch out, garden centre they've been to a million times, you get the drift.

So what's your take? Is it important to give your kids new experiences or am I putting too much importance on it?

Maybe try geocaching? You can do it pretty much anywhere so even if you go to the same few places in the holidays/on weekends it can add some fresh excitement, plus it’s free. You can upgrade to premium for about a fiver a month but you have to.

Don’t have to.

Choose a destination (use a map, lots of fun and learning experience)
and travel by bus or train. Using public transport teaches them independence and social skills.

Get a family railcard; take a picnic to offset travel costs. Everybody has a small back pack to help carry the supplies.

I think adventures in nature are super important. Doing a really impressive hike as a family doesn’t have to cost heaps but will be a memory they’ll cherish forever (obviously only if everyone is able bodied). Things like hikes and camping help kids build resilience. I would choose these experiences over lavish resort holidays.

imo it’s massively important and will shape them up as grownups . Traveling always makes kids want to know other places and it’s a brilliant way to know new cultures . This being said it doesn’t mean you have to donut every year but if you can somehow offer this experiences you hike they are young then it’s a benefit

No it doesnt really matter. Use your imagination - have a few days when you mentally visit a different country. Borrow a phrase book or language tape from the library and learn a few words of a foreign language. Google recipes for the country you are "visiting" and make a different meal. Colour their flag on a sheet of paper. Find some music from that country to listen to. Order books from your library on inter library loan https://kidstravelbooks.com/product-category/around-the-world/

Any gurdwaras near you? Read up on how to behave and go to visit one. They'll feed you for free, donate if you can. If you are not normally church goers go to a service. Read bible stories.

Any open days taking place near you? Sometimes you can, for example, visit a fire station. Read up on heritage open days and plan which places you'll visit https://www.heritageopendays.org.uk/

I’d really recommend the National Trusts 50 things to do before you are 11 3/4. There are affordable ways to do it all at National Trust properties with the special events you can do but you can do them in your local parks and garden too. It’s based on research that showed children who appreciate nature before 12 usually grow up to have a lifelong appreciation.

We had no money growing up for these types of things, my mum had my brothers when I was 10 and then again at 13 which put a strain on things. I honestly have the best memories from my childhood, it was what it was ans we made the best of it, I had her time and love and she always made things fun even if it was just crafty bits in the house

Wow didn't expect so many replies on this! To answer a few questions...we live within walking distance to most places (swimming, parks, library etc). Dh has the odd day off here and there to go slightly further afield.

If I'm being really honest it's an IBS issue. I suffer pretty badly and during a flare up I get very anxious about being in a new place or stuck on a long bus journey. Can you imagine? I am planning to learn to drive as this would alleviate things a bit but not completely.

Really grateful for all the ideas and reassurance.

@Mumsday you honestly can't think why people don't learn to drive?
Here's a clue...
Lack of £s
🙄

I'm really surprised by some of the replies here suggesting you're making excuses etc. What you're doing is fine. Add in a few novelty activities like making cornflake buns and I am and decorating them or toast marshmallows and make s'mores at home just to break the norm and the kids will love it. Going swimming etc is all fine and more than what a lot of kids do.

You don't need to be bussing yourself to the next town over! There's way too much pressure on people these days, especially mums and you sound like you're doing your best. The fact you're even worrying about this shows you're a great mum 💜

I think the important thing is creating an exploratory mindset and allowing openness to trying new things. The way they get to that doesn't really matter.

I certainly don't think "experiences" in the modern day sense matter at all. No one needs to go to Disneyworld or Go Ape or a quad biking experience. I don't even think children need to go abroad every year although I do think learning about other countries is really life-enhancing.

But I do think just getting them into the habit of doing something new, learning something, pushing their own boundaries and challenging themselves a bit is vital. This doesn't have to be an expensive day trip: it can be as little as going to a different park, going to a free museum etc. When my DD was a toddler we used to constantly try out new parks and get the bus to different parts of London.

Those who are saying kids can get experiences later in life: I think you do need to get them comfortable with the idea of exploring. What's not great is kids who can't see the point of doing anything other than tv or gaming, purely because the idea has never occurred to them. You need to instil the idea in them that they need to try things out sometimes, if only just for the sake of it.

So OP it sounds like you're doing fine. As long as your kids are open to the idea of newness and exploration, that's among the best gifts you can give them.

I think you do what you can with the budget you've got. When I was broke I'd buy a day ticket for the bus and let the kids decide which buses we hopped on and off, took them for a walk around a new area, found a park and let them work out how to get home again. Same with a train, hopped on an off peak train, rode it to the end of the line, got off had a picnic after a walk and went home again.

Museums are normally free in this country, and often have good toilet facilities.

If you're doing what you can and you and your children are happy does it really matter what other people do with their time and their children?

Please be careful when posting. I have an 8 year age gap between mine - not caused by ‘parenting choices regarding age gaps’, as you put it, but by secondary infertility and then three miscarriages.

I had no money when I was younger and my parents couldn’t afford lessons, but I still learnt to drive. I worked very hard so I could afford lessons and a very cheap car. I appreciate it is harder now as lessons are much more expensive, but if you value your independence it is surely a priority?

I think if you ask yourself - is what you're doing with the kids enjoyable for all, is it helping them learn about the world around them, and helping them develop skills such as curiosity, and confidence when in unfamiliar surroundings? If so then you're doing fine.

You can do all of that close to home if you are unable to travel further afield. My parents couldn't afford for us to travel - we only had three holidays when I was a child, and two of those was only because a friend lent us their caravan. I didn't go abroad until I had graduated from university. But my parents still encouraged us to be inquisitive, took us to libraries and museums and each summer holiday we'd have a Big Day Out to the beach or the Lake District. We turned out ok, and both DB and I have lived and worked abroad at different times.

That’s great that you are planning to learn to drive, as I can totally understand your worries about managing IBS on public transport.

I really think driving will make a big difference to you as you’ll feel more in control.

To be honest I do make excuses. "Oh the weathers rubbish so no point going anywhere far today, we'll just stick to the safe familiar places" aka places I know where the loo is.

But it's actually really hard when both your mental and physical health holds you back like this. It causes me huge amounts of guilt for my kids and also is really annoying for me because I do want to do things!! But anyone with IBS will know that stress and anxiety makes it lots worse and there's not a lot more stressful than being stuck on a bus with two kids and needing the loo urgently. I hate that our life is like this.

@Mumsday well paying my rent, bills and food to eat was higher priority than learning to drive (I worked hard too. Full time job. Unfortunatly a crappy wage)

Mine are just 5 and 3 and we spent alot of time at swimming, parks, farms, woods, fields etc. Expensive days out are usually remembered by things like the bird was eating the zebra poo or the man's hat blew away. I mean never mind the cost and experience of the day!

If they go further a field with DH - I really don't think they are missing out.

Rather than stress out - I'd do what you comfortably can.

Maybe when things are in a good phase try out routes with DH to build confidence so you do know were facilities are.

Trains and taxis may be better bet than long bus journey and longer term car clearly much better though not a perfect solution- but while it's clearly frustrating situation for you I don't think it will matter long term to them as it is spending time with parents that tends to be important.

I think kids love time with friends so if you can do the same stuff but meet up with their mates they will love that.

DS can't remember much of all the days out, attractions and holidays we took him on. Not just those when he was really young either, he can barely remember things we did in his teens! The thing is, though, that he enjoyed them at the time, and they would have helped mould him into the person he is today, even if he can't remember them.

Ironically, one of the things he remembers is standing at the bottom of our street, when he was about 2 or 3, with a pen and notebook doing tallies of the passing cars, i.e. one day we did colours, another day we did makes, then another time he tallied different types of vehicle, i.e. van, coach, saloon, estate, etc. Sometimes it's the simple/cheap things that make a mark, not just the big ticket attractions/holidays!

I have IBS it’s possible to get it under control with a mixture of diet and medication.

I find the post from @Mumsday really insulting actually. I have epilepsy so I don't drive.

I'm not worth less than you because I don't share your "life skill"

Did you know that empathy and kindness is also a life skill? That's one skill I'd rather have tbh.

Don't get lonely up there on your high horse. Come down and make some friends.