Do holidays and days out really not matter?

[bottomlypotts22]

Every time the school holidays roll around I get this feeling of inadequacy about not doing enough with my kids. And every time I give my head a wobble and remember that love, time and attention are far more important.

Having said that, I want my dc to experience things outside of our hometown. Yes we go to the park, library, swimming, cafes but it's all things they've done before. I always felt like I wanted to give my kids more holidays and days out (not for the Instagram brags) but so they have a well rounded view of the world and plenty of experiences under their belt. Not just the same old things in the same old environment.

As it turns out, work commitments, money issues and the fact I don't drive always seem to get in the way. We have no holiday booked yet for this year and half term has once again been busy but just with the same old shit - swimming, park, walks, lunch out, garden centre they've been to a million times, you get the drift.

So what's your take? Is it important to give your kids new experiences or am I putting too much importance on it?

I've just asked mine what they enjoy the most.

They said finding new parks (we sometimes hunt them down on Google Satellite and then find them 😂) and bike rides.

We've discovered 3 new parks within a 10 min walk from our house and they love exploring them (we only started doing this since Easter holidays!). Some are literally a square of grass with 1 swing & a climbing frame but it's still that anticipation and excitement of something new. That feeling of discovery!

They're not the be all and end all, but it's something I always tried to prioritise, despite never learning to drive and living on very little money at times.
Most cultural/educational and nature themed days out were reasonable in my experience.

The way I think, it would be worth living on eggs, beans on toast and jackets a few nights a week to enable to afford days out for the kids, rather than expensive, varied high-quality food ingredients, as an example of how I would prioritise it. I appreciate everyone has different priorities though!

Could you learn to drive OP? I'm a very late learner myself but since having my son I've really realised the importance of being able to just jump in the car and go. I'm still learning at the moment but I have a friend who passed her test recently and she has so much freedom to go visit different farms and play areas etc with her daughter on a whim now. I'm really looking forward to being able to do the same. Sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself to go somewhere when you know it involves a 20 minute walk and waiting on 2 different buses followed by another 30 minute walk or whatever.

Yes I think they are both important within your budget. This is why charities provide free holidays to families on very low incomes. I didn't drive until my eldest was 12 but we had great holidays via train or coach.

I think one fun activity that's a bit different each week is a good aim. Doesn't need to be expensive though. This week we went to a kids comedy event (was only cheap). then occasional days out.

The rest of the time hanging at home, walking, swimming, relaxing.

Downtime is just as important as doing fun stuff.

Think back to when you were a child and ask yourself what fond memories you had and that will answer it for you.

For me (and I grew up in a family with little money) all my fondest memories with my parents is things like playing football on the beach, helping decorate the Christmas tree, movie nights in the house, splashing in puddles, camping even in the rain and things like that.

Honestly it doesn't need to be fancy. We spent an hour trying to start a fire with sticks in the woods today. Then another hour turning over logs to find bugs, balancing across logs, jumping over ditches etc. We do this kind of thing a lot. They consistently have the chance to build on ideas they had before. Then there's free access to craft materials at home so they can have autonomy over that.

I think experiencing freedom in play and opportunities to repeat and build upon past ideas are the most important things you can provide children. New experiences and sights are great, but the fundamentals are much more important in raising children.

i didn’t go abroad until I was 16 but we had an old caravan and we travelled extensively throughout the U.K. always on a budget but I consider myself lucky to have had such a wide range of experiences.

i am lucky now and get abroad every few years but because of how we holidayed when I was little I still want to be out there getting to know the place rather that sat by a pool (which I know many love)

things Don’t need to be expensive to have an impact

I think getting into a more natural rather than urban or suburban environment is desirable.
My mother’s theory was that not travelling at a young age sharpens your powers of observation (if that’s any comfort).

We are a low income family and sourced free activities. We’re in a city so lucky that there’s plenty going on. My family live 3 hours away so that was a nice change of scene (and free bed and board). DH’s family are in another country so the DC got another practically free holiday and exposure to another culture.
We’ve only had one “regular” holiday and no paid extra curricular stuff. My DC are well rounded and have low expectations regarding days out/holidays. I see this as a positive. I don’t give two hoots about what others are doing on SM and never think I have a “lesser” life.

Don't underestimate how valuable time spent at home is. I never got to see my mum much because of her job. Just being home together with my parents not doing much for a few days was all I wanted as a child.

I completely agree.

Children do benefit from new experiences, but you don't need to do a lot.

I was at a garden centre the other day and a couple were looking at the bedding plants with their dd who was about 5. She was utterly enchanted by all the thousands of flowers of every shape, size and colour. And overjoyed that her parents had let her choose some of the ones they were buying. Experiences don't have to be specifically aimed at entertaining the dc. Everything is new to them.

This reminds me of when my son was asked to draw a picture of his summer highlight at the start of Year 1 or Year 2 and he drew a car we’d seen broken down at the port whilst waiting for the ferry home from France. Not our car, just a car we saw stopped halfway up the ramp onto the boat, total non-event 😂

I think it’s very tricky if you can’t drive and you can’t to public transport either. I do think you need to try and get that under control for the sake of your kids. I don’t think it’s necessary to go abroad, there are loads of great places in the U.K.

My kids love a bug hunt. Take an empty tub and you can Google what you find.

Don’t worry about holidays, if you can’t afford them you can’t afford them. We didn’t have a holiday with DS(4) from his birth until last month because we just couldn’t afford it. Aside from visits to relatives he’d had four weekends away, two of which were paid for by MIL and PIL.

You’ve already said you do take your DC swimming, to the local library, garden centre and playgrounds- that’s more than a lot of children ever get. My DM is from a w/c background, and growing up there were no holidays or regular outings, maybe just a trip out once a year to the seaside in my Great Uncle’s charabanc, and it didn’t do her or her siblings any harm. What they did get to do was “play out” all day, but that’s far more dangerous now because of cars and awareness of sexual predators, so it’s not something I’d encourage without parental supervision.

So don’t feel too bad - at least you take them out of the house!

If you do want to ring the changes, I’d echo what PPs have said: book a train or bus to another town (in advance) and Google in advance all the free things to do: a new playground, library or local museum or art gallery. Loads of places are near country parks which are free to go to- great walks and picnic spots. Buy a football or some cheap garden games (so cheap at The Works or online) and take these with you.

Don’t worry about not affording theme parks - can you afford the train to London? Once there The British Museum (Egyptians, Anglo Saxons and Romans), National Gallery (world famous paintings), Natural History Museum (dinosaurs and stuffed animals and birds), Science Museum, V&A museum and National Portrait Gallery are all FREE. It is amazing and even if your DC whinge and say “I’m bored” you will have given them an incredible taste of culture that will stay with them and help them at school when they study Egyptians etc.

Hyde Park has a boating lake. St James’s Park you can see pelicans. Regents Park has a lake and you can see the giraffes at London Zoo from the road. Or could you take the train to Margate, Bournemouth or Weymouth and go to the beach? No car needed and cheap if you take a picnic.

If you let us know what part of the country you’re in we’ll be able to suggest good, cheap local excursions.

if money is an issue then driving lessons, a car, fuel, tax and insurance are way out of reach!

Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it. Some of my happiest childhood memories are going to the same local swimming pool every day with my brother (we could buy an all-summer pass for £10 or something) or cycling through a local farm. Our holidays were always to a house in the UK on the coast. When I grew up I spread my wings, went to university, ate in fancy restaurants, travelled the world, have a big city career so I don’t think being a small town girl held me back. In fact it made flying through nest all the more exciting. Just love your children and spend time with them.

Is there a reason you don’t drive? This crops up SO much on MN - people saying their life is limited by not being able to drive and yet they don’t learn.

Driving is a life skill as it gives you so much freedom and independence. I also think it’s a good example to set for your children.

I’d try really hard to address your anxiety about going to new places. It is fixable, and I reckon that showing your kids you are confident and adventurous is more important than fancy days out.

You would be surprised what they get the most enjoyment out of. I was reading one of my nephew's school work books he was around 8 at the time. He had to write about his best day over the summer holidays. This is a child who is constantly asking for stuff and has got his own way a lot. He had been on holiday that summer to Butlins.

But he said his best day was when we all went to a local beach aunties uncles cousins and grandparents. Sometimes it's the simple things they enjoy the most. Spending time with family. A family member had to do two trips to get us there as no public transport to that beach.They are the only one who drives in our family. But apart from the petrol cost it only cost us a picnic and some ice creams.

My parents idea of a wonderful holiday or day out was my personal, vomiting, sunburnt, hell. They loved fishing boats and I am prone to sunburn and motion sickness. I was so happy when I got old enough to stop joining them.

as long as you are spending time with your children and making sure that all of you are enjoying the experience, you are doing the right thing. It doesn’t really matter what you do or where you are. You will bond as a family because you are having fun and taking yourselves out of the day to day routine, breaking the kids away from the distractions of everyday life and giving you a chance to have more conversations that just end up happening organically.

I agree with this. It’s easy to get hemmed in by anxiety and stay in a comfortable cage. It’s really important to try to challenge your boundaries and overcome as much as you can.

For your kids’ sake as much as your own.

My mum used to take us on lovely holidays and trips to london etc (I've seen the photos) and do you know what my main memory of the holidays is? Picking blackberries locally and making a pie.

Honestly I can still taste them, they were delicious.