Do holidays and days out really not matter?

[bottomlypotts22]

Every time the school holidays roll around I get this feeling of inadequacy about not doing enough with my kids. And every time I give my head a wobble and remember that love, time and attention are far more important.

Having said that, I want my dc to experience things outside of our hometown. Yes we go to the park, library, swimming, cafes but it's all things they've done before. I always felt like I wanted to give my kids more holidays and days out (not for the Instagram brags) but so they have a well rounded view of the world and plenty of experiences under their belt. Not just the same old things in the same old environment.

As it turns out, work commitments, money issues and the fact I don't drive always seem to get in the way. We have no holiday booked yet for this year and half term has once again been busy but just with the same old shit - swimming, park, walks, lunch out, garden centre they've been to a million times, you get the drift.

So what's your take? Is it important to give your kids new experiences or am I putting too much importance on it?

I don't drive and use the buses. I have overgrown our home town and all its rather excellent and very expensive attractions. We went today and just walked around the streets in one of your amazing English old towns and get breezed out in the bus, weaving its way through gorgeous farmlandscapes, cottages and green hills. Marvelous, my daughter said I provide the best fun ever. Tomorrow we are on a bus again and off to a castle :)

Treasure trails are brilliant, I find

It sounds like you are bored of doing the same things all the time, so you are assuming your kids are too. But from what you've said, they enjoy what you're doing, so definitely no need to feel guilty or inadequate.
As others have said, if you're really concerned that you're all getting a bit stuck in a rut, then take a chance, and do something different one day. Jump on a random bus/train and see where you end up, maybe try geocaching, look out for free local events etc.
Tbh though, sounds like your children are happy, so you're obviously doing a good job!

We do city breaks a lot.

This year its 4 nights in Liverpool in a 2 bed apartment with air con (( important in August !! )) can't remember off the top of my head but I think its £350. We've stayed there before and it's lovely. We could have got it a lot cheaper but I like the bigger apartments so we can have an extra bathroom.

Transport will cost £6 a day for adults, not sure what kids passes are but they include trains, buses and the ferry around Merseyside. We'll do the museums (( free )) loads of parks and beaches. (( west kirkby and formby for beaches and red squirrel spotting, Sefton park for the palm house and a mooch round Lark lane ))

We won't spend much barring the odd snack amd drinks, I always cook most nights and we always have a meal out on at least one night.

It's a really affordable break we look forward to every year, there's so much to see and do, it's so easy to get to and transport is laid on tap.

Yes. The logical step seems to be to learn to drive. So many places are much more easily accessible. Children experiencing lots of different things and places is important and then you'll be able to do that relatively cheaply.

I could never afford to and DC seems to have turned out quite well. We live in a village so lots of walks and picnics. Things got better as they got older and we could eventually afford holidays. I think they care more about holidays and days out once they're at secondary school.

Think back on your childhood, what things do you remember?

Road trips to Italy and France and Spain, mountains, beaches, sunshine, fields of sunflowers, different food and eating outside. Picnics and ice creams on the beach. The different languages.

In the UK trips to the Science Museum and Natural History Museum, the V&A, cinema, different restaurants and cuisines, theatre, concerts. Trips to another part of the UK to visit family we didn't see often.

I can't remember any of the time spent at home or locally except some trips to the park to collect conkers in autumn.

It is a fact that things which are new or unusual experiences stick in your memory in the way day to day life does not, for adults and children. It does widen people's perspective and provide memories and have huge value.

That's not to say lots can't be done locally, too. This week we have been to two beaches, been out for two meals, camped in the garden after looking at stars with the telescope and toasting marshmallows over a fire, done a treasure hunt, made a load of crafts, planted things in the garden, met up with friends locally etc. But will they remember this as much as other trips to new things they haven't seen or done before, or get as much out of it? No. Downtime is valuable and needed, space for imagination (and boredom to make you create something) but so is experiencing different things.

When I was working in a poor country some of the children I worked with had never left their home village. Never been to the beach a few KM from their house, never been into the town just a few more KM away. It makes their world and frame of reference very small.

Of course taking children to new places and to see different things has value. It doesn't need to be all the time or necessarily expensive but to pretend a child who rarely leaves the immediate area where they live will also gain this wider experience is clearly false. They may be happy still, but they will have a small world and miss out on a lot which is a shame as children are full of curiousity and wonder at seeing and experiencing different things.

This website might be useful when planning days out https://www.toiletmap.org.uk/ I've checked a couple of locations near me and it seems accurate. Cafes, museums and restaurants etc aren't shown probably as normally reserved for customers, but worth bearing in mind as a backup.

Do you know anyone else near you who uses public transport a lot? They would be the people I would ask about localish places to visit as often somewhere can be overlooked by car drivers if the parking is poor.

And to answer your op, I think it's less about giving children new opportunities and more about trying to nurture a mindset of being open to new ideas and new opportunities. Which probably does lead to the odd trip somewhere new to do something different. Although you can begin to develop this mindset from the comfort of home.

I think holidays and days out are massively important for our family but that’s because it’s my chance to be with the kids without the distractions of work and the day to day housework etc. I don’t think it matters where you go or how much it cost just that you are present and can completely be there for the kids without any distractions.

I consider my childhood happy.
we used to spend days on the local beach, walks in the forest, crabbing, playing in the streams… parks etc… there was 4 of us so always enough for a little game of boule, rounders or whatever in an opening in the forest.
we used to go camping every year, things like zoos, theme parks, sea life centres were a real treat.
We only had one ‘holiday abroad’ in all my childhood and that was amazing, but holds no fonder memories than any other holiday we had tbh. I used to love camping and playing in the sea at littlehampton .. very fond memories of just spending time all together.

It wont matter to them, nice as going away is, and a great experience.My kids are in their 30s and 40s now and holidays were less exotic for most but as a youngish widow with a 3 year old and 2 young teenager I couldn't afford holidays. The older ones went on exchanges with the school( remember those) and trips with the church etc so they got away, and we went on day trips and cycled to local parks etc. Sometimes they had holiday clubs, swimming, football drama.
We didn't have a proper holiday until the youngest was 16 and I had come into a bit of money after my dad died.
I guess I felt a bit inadequate but my youngest daughter says she remembers having a lot of fun in the school holidays so I suppose it wasn't so bad at all.

From an honest point of view my kids 13,7,5 would be bored shitless if we just did the same local things all the time and I’d also feel guilty. They are used to 2 abroad holidays a year and a haven one too and travelling most weekends and holidays to various new places even if it’s just to try a different soft play an hour odds away we are always adventuring because they would be absolute nightmares behaviour wise if we didn’t do that. I know that’s not the norm for everybody and I feel I over compensate because I’m a single parent but I can honestly say I look at my neighbour with two kids and I am slightly judgmental as her kids in my opinion have had no life experiences as all she does is take them to the local park etc. I know that’s judgmental and unfair but we all have different views

I've been thinking the same, we do park, beach, walks in the woods, swimming, bbq ect and I've been looking at theme parks ect but we have 4 children so for the 6 of us its costing a absolute bomb! Travel, food and wristbands were looking £250 on one day out! So I gave the kids 2 options we can go to the theme park BUT it will be summer holidays it's going to be extremely busy so there will be long queues or with the £250 roughly we would have spent they all pick a day out more local that's a fraction of the price and they chose that... so weve done our summer holidays calendar this week while they was on half term.

Dc1 chose trampoline park ( that's £38 for the 4 of them for 2 hours or £45 with food included for them so well do that)

Dc2 chose cinema ( £30 for the 6 of us we buy pick&mix from poundland each kid chooses their own sweets and fills their cup £8, 2 bags popcorn and drink each say £45 again for this )

Dc3 chose outdoor swimming pool ( weather permitted with travel and food ect £30 )

Dc4 chose bowling ( £35 for the 6 of us for 2 games, well get some drinks and snacks before we get there so say £40 on this )

Oh works mon to fri so we will do one of them a week on a Saturday, bank holiday weekend in aug weve already booked and paid for camping and were booking a camping weekend with my parents too so that's us doing something every weekend through the 6 weeks holiday and its something they have all picked.

Through the week we will do our usual one day park, following day stay at home they can play out with their friends following day walk and icecream following day home ect ect we always do one day out one day in ( they play out but I mean were at home for the day.

So well be out 50/60% of the time and they still get time to play with their friends and I'm not spending a bomb! See what you can afford and maybe split it into amounts and look for days out or places you can visit with that budget once a week or once a fortnight and let them know what weeks so they have it to look forward to... just do what you can with them you sound like your trying your best with what you have and that's all that matters.

I think it's nice to take your kids to new places if you can, but the most important thing is that they are happy.
I actually have a slightly different view on this because I was brought up in a family where we had lots of experiences, amazing holidays, taken to lots of places and also encouraged to do activities/sports.
I remember desperately wanting downtime, I longed for my evenings 'off' and I didn't fully appreciate the places we were taken to. I think it's because something that is always on offer and available is so much less enticing than something that isn't. As an adult I gave up the sport I was encouraged in and haven't played since.

My mum on the other hand wasn't taken anywhere, only played in the local park or did colouring or played with her ball in the garden. But my god has she made up for it! She found her OWN interests, and one in particular she followed passionately, she has so much energy and loves exploring and doing things. She said she was itching to become an adult and be independent, whereas I found myself rebelling against all this 'doing stuff' and being dragged around and expected to look interested in whatever I was told I should be interested in.

Anyway, as a result I do think that provided your kids are loved and happy, try to follow their lead... Don't fall for the modern pressure to keep 'doing stuff, you are not failing your DC.

What people did millennia ago isn't really relevant, most of those people lived all their lives in the same few square miles. They had no need to know about anything outside that.

I think it's really important to visit different towns and see different things. I'd prioritise that over expensive days out. Just do free stuff and go on the bus, take a packed lunch. Most places in the UK you could do loads of different free things within half an hour bus or train. Then plan one trip further afield a few times a year.

Days out and holidays are the types of memories that kids carry with them for life. The day to day stuff is important but doesn't really make for a memorable childhood.

I think you sound like a lovely mum who enjoys spending time with her children. That’s the important bit. You don’t have to spend lots of money or travel far to be more adventurous or ring the changes. Things my (now grown up children) loved and remember are:

1. camping in the garden or even indoors (includes staying up late, using torches, telling stories and eating ‘outdoor’ food)
2. picnics anywhere - especially if unexpected like after school instead of eating tea/supper at home
3. going out very early or very late to see the stars/sunset/sunrise. Once my son was interested in cats eyes on the road so we went for a drive in the dark so he could see how they worked
4. rainy day activity - all have a £1 (or appropriate amount of money) to spend in the local £1 shop (or similar) have to buy a gift for each other secret Santa style
5. Visiting local RSPCA pet rescue centre or other animal rescue (we have one for hedgehogs locally)
6. art galleries - but to see a particular artist or type of art only. Successes with mine were Pop Art and seeing the real version of postcards/posters/prints they had or were familiar with. My son was blown away seeing the real Monet of a postcard he loved
7. community cafes - or those run to support a cause or ethos like vegetarianism or people with learning disabilities. A great way to learn about different views, lifestyles and abilities etc - while having fun
8. local theatre - civic centre type theatre was very affordable and saw some great children’s shows
9. bus or train rides anywhere - letting them use a map and pick routes, pay their fare/get a ticket
10. Museums - but again, like art galleries, just to see the thing of current interest. Successes for me were dinosaur exhibitions, airplanes, period costumes and favourite authors. The boredom for thenm and tiresome for parents comes from trying to ‘do’ the whole museum rather than being selective. Look at for special events and days at museums - and if linked to school curriculum can really bring this to life. Local museum did a Roman day where they could dress up, try food, make pottery etc

this is an awful post. Perhaps your neighbour may not have has much money as you or may struggle in other ways which you are not aware of such as mental health. we cannot all afford 2 plus holidays a year plus a day out each weekend.

Even getting on a bus or train for a short journey, is exciting when you're a child especially if you don't normally go anywhere.

The important question is - Are your children happy?

Making memories is important. But can be low cost. A picnic in a park etc

I recommend Homeexchange. It's great because it's free accommodation and you get to live in an other families shoes for a bit. They often recommend local things to do which might be different to what you're used to. In other countries this is particularly interesting but even in the UK this can be great. I don't drive and there are always options with great transport links in or near cities and towns.

As others have said attention matters. My view ...
*very other trip make it you & the younger DC
Forced involvement= could be a strain
*Younger kids love animals (so kid friendly open farms (we've got 4/5 within 20mile so hoping you have a couple.
*Free museums etc
*I know it seems old fashioned but bus trips still alive & kicking. Also when I googled bus trips found out the government have capped a lot of normal services at £2 (til October) so a trip to the sea (or just to things that might be outside of your normal zone)
*Nearest forest, also a lot of communities organise holiday stuff.

Sorry if you've thought of these suggestions already. Anyway the point is love, attention & mutual enjoyment. We have a big gap between kids & my OH (disabled) not able/sometimes just not fancying to go. However due to the gap and the older kids not wanting to go (be prized off his PC it works out).

Most important = Don't beat yourself up

In my opinion children need a variety of different things.
A few suggestions,
Lots of museums, quite a few are free, theres different ones for different likes, so each can choose. They are not boring lots have things happening for children
Family away day train tickets out of season can be picked up cheaply, away days to nearest holiday resort, can always find a cheap b and b for a night. Does not need to be the most popular which are usually the most expensive.
Local theatre groups sometimes offer child places cheaply
Local national trust, not free but lots, once joined have things going on, near where i live they have outside theatre, storytime under huge canopys with massive cushions, a treasure hunt, lanterns with a childrens spooky tale at 7pm ect
Nearest castles, check dates/times, again lots do different things on certain dates, one near me does Viking enactments, kids get involved and love it.
Contact your local library they are often aware of things happening near you.

It's nit always as easy as learning to drive. I could drive even before children but very rarely had access to a car
If you go on trains to a city, on top of any railcard discounts, you can get a plus bus ticket so you can use the bus very cheaply, so you can get round and about the town. And bus stations do have loos :-)