Do holidays and days out really not matter?

[bottomlypotts22]

Every time the school holidays roll around I get this feeling of inadequacy about not doing enough with my kids. And every time I give my head a wobble and remember that love, time and attention are far more important.

Having said that, I want my dc to experience things outside of our hometown. Yes we go to the park, library, swimming, cafes but it's all things they've done before. I always felt like I wanted to give my kids more holidays and days out (not for the Instagram brags) but so they have a well rounded view of the world and plenty of experiences under their belt. Not just the same old things in the same old environment.

As it turns out, work commitments, money issues and the fact I don't drive always seem to get in the way. We have no holiday booked yet for this year and half term has once again been busy but just with the same old shit - swimming, park, walks, lunch out, garden centre they've been to a million times, you get the drift.

So what's your take? Is it important to give your kids new experiences or am I putting too much importance on it?

It sounds as if you'd like to do a bit more yourself. You don't have to do a 180 and start going to theme parks every day, and booking three weeks AI in the Caribbean. How about identifying a couple of places in your neighbourhood that you'd like to visit (accessible by public transport), and make plans to go there this holiday? Three or four nights self-catering in a holiday cottage in the UK in a pleasant location can make a lovely holiday with complete change of scene for fairly low cost and not much hassle - or alternatively, do you know any friends or family (UK or abroad) who might be interested in a house swap?

Children are often enriched by different things than adults think they are or should be. It used to infuriate my mum that she’d budget so that every school holiday we could have at least one “big” trip - to the zoo, or a safari park, or suchlike - per week and then throughout the holidays various other activities like the beach, a museum day, a trip to somewhere new etc; and then when we got back to school after the holidays and did our “what I did in the holidays” write up, it would invariably say “I went to the park and Lizzie and I made a secret den in the hedge” and “we had ice cream at gran and grandad’s house in their back garden and grandad let me sit in his deck chair.”

Absolutely if you can do “special” trips and it’s affordable and practical then yes, I’m sure your children will benefit. But don’t run yourself ragged and empty your bank account thinking that they’ll feel they’ve missed out because you didn’t spend all the time entertaining them, arranging “experiences”, and #Making Memories.

You do what you can with the resources available. You sound like a great mum. I’m sure there are plenty of people who go on lavish holidays and just stick the kids in a club all day every day.

Some fab ideas and outlooks, thank you.
I am a bit bored and I do fall down the rabbit hole of Instagram sometimes and see people wild swimming, in London, on constant mini breaks in cute cottages or camping and I just feel like I've short changed my kids a bit.

I also suffer from pretty bad anxiety surrounding holidays and new places. Especially if it involves public transport. This has made me super aware and conscious of all the things I 'can't' do and I'm really trying to be strong and attempt these things so that my kids don't end up missing out. Some days when it's really bad the thought of getting on a bus would feel impossible to me so it's not only the practical logistics (time off work, money etc) it's also my mental health at the time. I'm really really trying though.

These are just excuses. Your kids shouldn’t have to suffer because of your parenting choices regarding age gaps or your DH’s laziness.

You can incorporate new and different activities into your days out. Going to the park, try a bit of bark rubbing, how many different patterns can they find? How many bird species can they spot? What can they find to take home and make a collage?
Museums often have visiting exhibitions.
Does your shopping centre have a mini golf?
Are any of your local churches open to look around?
Who can create the most unusual but edible pizza?

How old are your DC OP?

I think when kids are very small, they just benefit from being out an about and meeting people etc.
I think as they get a bit bigger, their world needs to stretch a bit.
So perhaps a bus trip to the woods, or a train into the next town to see the museum or the art gallery, the central library ,maybe a matinee at the local theatre.
If you are lucky enough to live near a bigger city, then a train trip to visit a larger museum etc.
Lots of galleries and museums are not expensive - some are free.

If your DCs have particular interests or hobbies, see if you can find something related.

They don't have to be frequent trips, but I do think they make a difference.

For me, the benefit of holidays/trips away/proper days out is that we spend more time together as a family. Obviously we can do that at home too but life tends to get in the way - there's some washing to sort out, a work email to send, a dentist appointment to arrange - and so I find I get more quality time with DS if we make a distinct effort to 'do something'.

Is there a grandparent that could come with you to ease your anxiety?
Or would it help to arrange an outing with a friend with similar aged DCs?

Your DH needs to step up too.

I’ve got a nice book called 101 Things for kids to do Outside. I think if you put it into Amazon it will throw up similar suggestions. ( then get it from the library). Speaking of libraries they quite often have information about summer initiatives going on. The problem about comparing modem times to our childhoods are that in many cases we had much more freedom than is the case now… so no I wasn’t on many days out but I was out for hours roaming without any supervision so comparison is problematic.

Remember, children have been growing up for millennia without trips out to theme parks, holidays, or visits to different places. This is a recent phenomenon only widely seen in the last 50 years or so.

Holidays and days out are nice-to-haves, but not essentials.

Personally I'm really sad that we couldn't afford to go on holiday as a child, and I remember affecting me at the time as well (not much however). I'm lucky however that my mum is from another country, so when I was 6, 9 and 12 I was able to spend a month summer holiday visiting family in that country. I loved it! However, it was just my mum and I, as dad needed to work / couldn't afford to come. So I've never had a family holiday with parents and sibling other than a 4 days' long weekend when I was 12.

However generally my parents also didn't make much of an effort with low cost things / experiences around the local area / day trips - there were some, but generally I was just playing in the street with my friends (which was also great!)

I also think it depends on the personality of your DC - I was always very curious about people from different countries and loved airplanes so I think the not going on holiday might have affected me a bit more than say someone else with different priorities.

Then I started some jobs, earning some money, and off I went from the age of 15 (including Amsterdam when I was 16, London (I grew up in Europe) and Ibiza when I was 17).

Where can you get to by bus? Most bus fares are capped at £2 until the end of October.

Bus £2 fare cap extended to end of October - BBC News

Lockdown made us re-discover places on our doorstep that we just didn't think of anymore. We were too focused on the exciting outings. See how many places you can discover locally for free!

Blimey I was a child in the 1960’s and I can honestly say my parents never took me on a day out other than to my grandmas house 2 miles away. It was partly because most of these places didn’t exist, parents didn’t have much money and we lived in a small village with little transport.
We were as happy as anything just playing out with our friends in the back garden or on the reccy.
Your children potentially have another 80 years to have experiences, they don’t all need to be crammed into the first 10 years. In fact I would say it’s a bad idea to do to much in the early years as that becomes expected and people become disgruntled if they can’t do the same when they are adults. (Speaking from experience with my adult children)

I think days out really do help to give kids a bit more cultural capital. I'm a teacher and you can tell the difference between kids who have been to the beach, been to a castle, been to a fairground, heck - even been to the countryside - versus those who haven't. I can't afford to 'go nuts' for days out but we have English Heritage membership which helps, and the beach is free. Occasional theatre trips (cheap seats during kids week) combined with the free museums in London is a good shout.

Yes I agree with this. I think new places, new people, new things to look at (types of landscape, countryside, architecture, people) and new things to taste, smell hear are all do important to widen children's experience and keep them open minded. I appreciate money is an object of course, but I always prioritise travel as something to save for, over and above other things like lavish Christmas gifts etc.

Perhaps you could save up and book a city break for the family to get them out of comfort zones?

I really disagree with this, I think they are essentials and help form a well rounded child. Op, of you are anxious of using public transport you need to learn to drive. Like others we prioritise days out and will do something every weekend. Yes some events and experiences are expensive but many can be very low cost or even free

I think what you do sounds great; a lot of parents who book expensive holidays each year don't do half of those things with their children. However, you could look into cheaper holidays - camping, weekend stays, YHA, Butlins, house swaps, going over to the continent with Ryanair/Easyjet/Whizzair; Eastern Europe is still pretty good value for money. If you are a bit organised, you can get reasonably priced train tickets and AirBnb's. And maybe start saving x amount each week for a holiday next year.

They're really not essentials. If they were, humanity would have died out thousands of years ago.

They are good to have certainly, but a child doesn't need them to become well-rounded.

I think new experiences and places are important, particularly in the early years when they are learning about the world. It doesn’t have to be expensive trips like theme parks and holidays abroad, but trips to the beach, national parks, museums, countryside and other cities as well as cheap UK holidays are important and beneficial to children.

Another 'child of the 60's' here, and my mother didn't drive. We lived on the outskirts of a city but most of our summer holidays (2 years between my brother and I) were spent lounging in my bedroom reading, playing out with friends, wandering nearby fields with dad (who worked shifts so was sometimes available during the day), with the very occasional train trip to the seaside or bus trip into town with DM. Very very little organised fun.

And my kids used to regard a trip to a different play park in another village, plus an ice cream when we got there, as a full day out! They don't seem to have suffered from a childhood paucity of exotic trips or expensive visits.

Camping, even locally is really fun for kids. If you don't have kit you can borrow or get a cheap tent and go with friends who have all the kit 🙂

Also there are lots of free or cheap things eg museums, country parks, petting farms etc so maybe just look around what's within an hour or so drive of home. We had a patch of being broke when I lost my job and we had a "birthday party" for my daughter that year in the local bluebell woods. Home made sandwiches, crisps, cake and running around building dens in the woods. Everyone had loads of fun. I know it seems like everything costs money but if you Google around your area you'll find free or cheap stuff.

I do think new experiences are important but they don't have to be pricey.

I think their importance is overstated. My kids are teenagers, and we've been on holiday a few times, but my no means every year, and often just for a few days locally, and most of our days out are local, too. Having said that, I live in a tourist destination where is usually something interesting going on, often with free or cheap activities for kids, so they've been exposed to plenty of interesting experiences. They just rarely travel more than a few miles to get to them.

And I think that letting my kids get bored and make up activities and spend days at a time exploring local woodland or building dens at home has lead to them being more creative and interested in the world rather than less.

OP my DFS and I sometimes walk around a lake near to us. We take the dogs too. At different seasons there's different things to see: primroses coming out in the hedgerow, little ducklings splashing about, the leaves changing colour and conquers to collect. We do other stuff but I always enjoy the walks. We chat as we walk and he often tells me stuff he might not tell me otherwise. He doesn't like theme parks and when school asked him what they should do at the end of the year most kids wanted theme parks but DFS wanted fishing. 😂