Do holidays and days out really not matter?

[bottomlypotts22]

Every time the school holidays roll around I get this feeling of inadequacy about not doing enough with my kids. And every time I give my head a wobble and remember that love, time and attention are far more important.

Having said that, I want my dc to experience things outside of our hometown. Yes we go to the park, library, swimming, cafes but it's all things they've done before. I always felt like I wanted to give my kids more holidays and days out (not for the Instagram brags) but so they have a well rounded view of the world and plenty of experiences under their belt. Not just the same old things in the same old environment.

As it turns out, work commitments, money issues and the fact I don't drive always seem to get in the way. We have no holiday booked yet for this year and half term has once again been busy but just with the same old shit - swimming, park, walks, lunch out, garden centre they've been to a million times, you get the drift.

So what's your take? Is it important to give your kids new experiences or am I putting too much importance on it?

Pack apicnic and take local bus or train to a new location town or country to explore
Phone map locate a park or a river to wslk to
Buy a box of frozen ice lollies from Shop to share
Does not need to be expensive tomakea day out

Yes it is important to move out of day to day
Look at lical charities as well who organize outings or bus trips

I absolutely loved train rides as a kid, I’d spend the entire journey looking out the window, it didn’t even matter where we were going but if there was a bit of countryside I was mesmerised (growing up around London the countryside seemed magical to me). I believe it’s the little things that are most memorable when you’re a kid. I remember my first knickerbocker glory, that was a momentous day 😁

One of DD favourite holiday memories is getting to hold an owl. There was a random display of birds of prey in our local park. Camping in France or visiting family in Wales or Ireland that summer paled in comparison to the owl!
For little ones, it really is the little things that matter. A trip on the train and a hot chocolate is Costa is another stand out memory for her!

I struggle with 3 on my own, double buggy.

Depends on ages but we found this useful

https://www.buggypod.com/

And a sling I could just throw on - ours were close in age but could swap them around a bit so they could rest - but days out on public transport are long ones as they can't just sleep in the car as other families do - and you often have to cut short trips and leave because you have to factor in journey home.

Quite. People can get quite braggy about how many countries they visit but for lots it's just a different hotel pool, different hotel meal

This

I personally don’t think holidays or expensive days out are that important. I know others do and really prioritise them and that’s fine, we are all different.

We have only ever been on holiday in the UK, and not every year.

I do think it’s good for young kids to experience new things but that can mean the post office, the car wash, a bus, a train, a new playground, the woods, a local museum etc etc. Just as long as they’re not sat in front of the TV all day.

Tbh most of our days out were free or cost very little as I was a dab hand at putting together a picnic and museums and a lot of places are free to go in London and if you knew where to park (especially on Sundays then it was the cost of a tiny bit of petrol or my Oyster card as children are free on the tube. Otherwise it was £276 for the year for a Merlin pass and we would be regulars at the Aquarium or going on the London Eye As well as the theme parks

I would still look out for other stuff to do like walking the Thames towpath or going on the water taxi or going inside Tower bridge which I think was £11 for all 3 of us and watching the bridge rise and fall from above.

I think doing things 'out of the norm' is really vital for children (and adults too!)

We have no interest in theme parks so that never really featured in our activities when dc were small so I can't help there plus I don't think they are all that important.

But, providing experiences is important I think, and simple things are usually best.

We did things like:

bake fairy cakes, fill a flask with tea / hot chocolate, make sandwiches and go for a walk in the woods to collect leaves / acorns / chestnuts etc with a picnic lunch

Go paddling in a stream with kids fishing nets and an outdoor snack

visit a museum or art gallery in a nearby town and sign up for any free activities associated there. Or read up about it and just wander through asking questions about what you're seeing

use your local library and sign up to activities there. Read regularly and talk about the books with the dc

Keep an eye out for local carnivals / fairs and take them and buy candy floss etc - ours loved going to a crappy local village fair with their friends when they were little, it was so exciting to them

Visit a castle - again a chance to read up on the history etc knights / battles etc

visit a cathedral and look at stained glass windows

Camp in your own house. Use the garden if you have one, or if not, set up a floor 'bed' in the living room and give the kids torches and turn off the lights and tell stories

A cheap weekend or overnight in a caravan is something kids LOVE doing. We've been lucky enough to travel a lot but one time we had a free night in a friend's mobile home and that is the thing the dc remember best and talk about! It's really exciting to them.

Have a campfire and roast marshmallows and make toast over it

Build a den in the garden or a tree house if you have the means. Or take them somewhere where they can climb trees

Plan a day out to a city you can get to easily using public transport. Make the planning exciting -we're all getting up early to get the bus / train. We'll have special breakfast of (insert chocolate cereal or whatever) and when we get there we're going to visit the xxx museum to look at yyyy and then we're going to the park for a picnic and an ice-cream and to play in the playground and then we're going to find a (castle, church, other landmark that doesn't cost to get in) - make a simple day an adventure using maps etc even if you know the town or city

We always made a big deal of finding out the local food speciality and locating it and trying it - anything from a stick of rock to a deep fried mars bar to a type of bread etc

The trick is to get them engaged and enthused about exploring and enjoying thing with you.

It really doesn't take theme parks or hotels to make that happen.

Stuff like theme parks get stupidly expensive (not to mention busy) during school holidays, if you're thinking of anything like this I'd use the inset days, they'll be in term time so cheaper and quieter!
Can you team up with another mum (from school/playgroup) who has transport and offer fuel money?
We haven't had a holiday in 5 years, although nice it's by no means essential, so don't beat yourself up over it.

We have only ever been on holiday in the UK, and not every year.

We're the same - they've been abroad on school trips - but it's been UK with us.

First one was summer after DD1 was at school as she;d never seen the sea and school topic was all the seaside. Then missed a few years due to covid and transport issues.

This year we planned to taken them away abroad but prices were high. not driving booking later and with three teens became impossible and stressful - we now going to London for a week - air b&b flat in centre we really excited.

However we do try and explore were we are - 40 minute pleasant walk away are some spectacular Roman ruins - took us a week of living here to do walk with a picnic - many of the local kids have never been.

I worked at a college and was surprised at how many learners had never been to towns just 2 stops away on the train. Quite a lot hadn’t visited London, half an hour on the train. What saddened me was that these learners tended to have very closed minds, but this is probably due to influences from the parents who didn’t do much with them.
it sounds like you do things with your dc op so I wouldn’t worry overly. Maybe look at going to places on the bus or train and get them involved in a planning to find free things to do once there.

I never traveled as a kid. My first plane ride was when I was 22 on my first international job...I enjoyed it so much and travelled quite a lot from then until right before the pandemic. I left my country to live in the UK 14 years ago, so have travelled in Europe too. Not travelling as a kid did not impact my ability to understand other cultures, and adapting to life in the UK. I actually have worked with lots of countries from Latin America to Middle East and Africa, I think you are right, your love and attention and raising independent respectful children will do so much for them, and they can experience the world when they are adults.

I do think holidays are important. My favourite memories from childhood are the holidays we had. We weren't rich - quite the opposite but it still felt magical to go away and see other places. Sometimes we'd just get on a train and go somewhere for 2 nights. I still remember the excitement of those mini breaks.
I know you don't drive but you could always get a train to the nearest seaside town and stay for a couple of nights. Camping is a cheap option. The Sun newspaper does caravan holidays twice a year and you can book a caravan for 4 nights for about a tenner. You can look in to that.
It sounds like your children are having a wonderful childhood but going away would be enriching and exciting for them.

Yo add to my post just because people take their kids on holiday abroad , this doesn't mean they get to experience the culture, most of these holidays are spent int he confines of a resort, with other Brits, eating Brit food and speaking English anyway. My point is don't worry of what you can't provide or what other people do, and just keep giving your kids what you can xxx

No way I can sling either of my rotund 3 year olds with my back, plus all their stuff. For now we're stuck with a buggy altho I do wonder if we could manage with a single but then they like to be together 🙄 aka the other one not having more fun than them 😂.

I worry too about one running off. Their recall is not great but then they don't get the practise because in worried about one running off...

But still, we can do the beach alone, I got them to Wales alone, they love the art gallery, but I do need to learn to drive

IMO holidays and days out are important. Some of my best memories as a kid are being on holiday with my family and I like to recreate those memories with my kids.

I do far more days out then I had a kid though. I hate doing the same thing over and over again so try and find new things to do. It helps that I can drive though!

Could you get the train? Or a coach?

I agree. I’ve stopped those type of holidays now (kids grown up) as I really don’t need all the hassle involved when at the end if it it’s just another hotel/pool scenario. Of course it’s different if your kids are still kids but nowadays I’d rather try Iceland or Japan or South Korea. I’ve not actually had a holiday of any description for six years and haven’t missed it.

No way I can sling either of my rotund 3 year olds with my back, plus all their stuff. For now we're stuck with a buggy altho I do wonder if we could manage with a single but then they like to be together 🙄 aka the other one not having more fun than them 😂.

I worry too about one running off. Their recall is not great but then they don't get the practise because in worried about one running off...

Mine were just under 4 years apart so could always put youngest in pod or sling and I loved the pushchair part of the travel system - huge bag under the pushchair and very roomy child space - so could at push get two in for small amount of time.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/backpack-reins/s?k=backpack+with+reins

These helped as well - though if you have two at 3 not sure that would be enough - you could be pulled in two different direction and have no hands left for buggy.

It does rapidly get easier though as they get older.

With all the recent transport disruption though I wish driving was an option for us - despite being well past buggy ages.

Agree. I can't imagine anything more boring for me or my kid.

My kids has been to multiple countries around the world but not a single one has involved a resort. They have all been to cities where we can explore the culture and food and I can really see how it benefits my child to widen his horizons.

My kids are late teens now (18) and we've travelled a lot but never to resorts / beach holidays as it's, again, not something that interested either myself or dh.

We did loads of short haul city breaks with the dc (from a tiny age) and we all enjoyed that as we researched age appropriate things in each place etc

But I've already posted to say travel like that is nice but not essential, providing experiences for your dc is.

We used to do daily trips out. We'd spend £££ on theme parks and all sorts. Our children were badly behaved and I felt like I was failing. I'd upload the photos from our days out onto social media to show off a little (to compensate for feeling shit about their arsey behaviour!)

Then i noticed that in the holidays they couldnt even go to bed until very late. And when they did - they didnt sleep well. DH and I were knackered.

Then Covid hit. Everyone chilled out and surprisingly their behaviour got better.

I'm honestly so embarrassed about it all. But who can blame the kids for being irritable and cranky? They were clearly over stimulated, over tired and buzzing. They wanted to stay home, watch cartoons and play with their toys.

Meanwhile DH and I were planning and budgeting for these days out constantly. Sometimes stressed and fighting.

I'm glad it's all over. I'm glad we nipped it in the bud. We're totally different now. We have designated days at home. We stay local and do local stuff. And then we space out weekends away, weekends to London and camping. We have a "big day out" every so often.

It's a nice mix. I'm glad we found the balance.

The favourites are:

Guess who?
Homemade pick n mix (bags of sweets from Tesco all mixed up in a big glass jar! Paper bags from eBay!)
Homemade popcorn and film
They LOVE helping with DIY!
A trip out to buy Pokemon Cards / Beano
They love the train! (Regardless of where we're going!!)

DS1 is autistic and a home-body so does need time to zone out at home. To balance my sanity and his, we tend to alternate a day out with one or two at home. He had Scout camp at the weekend so the rest of this week is quite low-key. Yesterday we broke the week up by going swimming then riding bikes in the neighbouring park and going to the playground that slipped off our radar last year.
TBH that's more good for what he needs this week than a big expensive day out.

Another favourite of my two is doing a park and ride to the nearby city. We don't hang around the city for long, it's the journey they enjoy, and we can hop on/ off and turn it into a playground crawl.

It's variety of experience and doing stuff together that's good for children and it doesn't have to be expensive or far flung. Childhoods filled with themeparks/ resorts on loop are not necessarily more enriching than exploring your doorstep. In 2020, there were families I met out walking who had never explored what was within a mile from home before because life is filled with structured activities.

Posters commenting about childhoods 50 years ago are comparing apples and pears. There was more freedom for children to create their own adventures that enriched them and gave them skills. I can't let my 10yo do that today, because there's no one free to do that with, and I don't think sending him off alone is appropriate. His friends are either off on holiday or in childcare, and that means that there is an onus on me to put some variety into their free time to fill that gap.

My children would probably say that the biggest adventure of this year so far was the car breaking down and us spontaneously getting a different series of buses home while DH waited for the AA. And that was a good life experience in adapting, using timetables at the bus stop and online, and checking details with the bus driver.

Wouldn't worry about it OP. Grew up in a big family so outings were mainly local and we loved each and every one of them cause it was time spent with our parents. Fast forward to the future and we're well rounded individuals who've travelled the world so don't think the lack of experiences have held us back.