Do holidays and days out really not matter?

[bottomlypotts22]

Every time the school holidays roll around I get this feeling of inadequacy about not doing enough with my kids. And every time I give my head a wobble and remember that love, time and attention are far more important.

Having said that, I want my dc to experience things outside of our hometown. Yes we go to the park, library, swimming, cafes but it's all things they've done before. I always felt like I wanted to give my kids more holidays and days out (not for the Instagram brags) but so they have a well rounded view of the world and plenty of experiences under their belt. Not just the same old things in the same old environment.

As it turns out, work commitments, money issues and the fact I don't drive always seem to get in the way. We have no holiday booked yet for this year and half term has once again been busy but just with the same old shit - swimming, park, walks, lunch out, garden centre they've been to a million times, you get the drift.

So what's your take? Is it important to give your kids new experiences or am I putting too much importance on it?

I'm planning to take my older dc to a city on the train to see a show. We have been to beaches and English heritage sites before but not for a while. The older dc has also had holidays abroad but not since before covid.

I used to take mine on lots of bus or train trips. We didn't do much once we were there- took a packed lunch, walked around, found a playground - but it was a different experience.

New experiences and holidays really help build confidence, a sense of how big the world can be and is also a really lovely way to spend family time! We prioritise trips and Days out over many other things, including a bigger house.

How do you manage any days out if you don't drive? We've done days out this week and every place we needed to drive to, it would have been impossible otherwise. I'd learn to drive and then you can do more, I'm not even talking expensive theme park days out I'm talking walking, camping, kayaking, a day at the beach etc, cheap but you need to be able to get there.

Same here

Very important but doesn’t mean it has to cost the earth. Picnics in the park, woodland walks, days at the beach etc can be done on a budget. It’s not what you do on the day out that matters, it’s the quality time spent.

Plenty of people manage without a car, it’s more being used to it. Eg as a child we would rely on buses, coach trips etc. As an adult who drives everywhere now I can see how it’s easy to become dependent on driving but it can be done without though probably a nightmare.

Camping in the garden (or a friend's or GP's garden if you don't have one) was always a winner when my DC were primary age - I really enjoyed it too; all the "fun" of camping, but with your own loo and shower in easy reach!

Another thing they enjoyed was being in charge of dinner; deciding the menu, doing the shopping and then laying the table and cooking the meal for the whole family - it could take up half a day, easily!

Now my DC are teens, half terms etc. for me now mainly involve me driving them or collecting them from various places, organising train tickets or hosting crowds of other teens - which I actually quite enjoy (especially compared to trying to come up with different activities for them when they were younger)!

Some kids don’t go anywhere, ever. They might get dragged to the pub with their parents at the weekend or forced to play out so their parents can get pissed at home and that’s their whole life. Many children won’t leave the country because their parents can’t afford it.

The fact your DC go out to various places is great, they’re not suffering because you don’t take them to different countries or towns.

My fondest memories are time spent on my grandad’s allotment and fishing for sticklebacks in the canal. It was exciting to have a day out but I think people are kidding themselves if they think kids are that interested in ‘culture’. I remember going to a museum with Egyptian mummies and it was fun but mostly because we spent the whole time running around and scaring ourselves in the mummy section! When I was fifteen I went on a school cruise, which included a day in Cairo, and spent most of the time looking at boys. I loved a beach holiday though.

My children hardly remember any of the more unusual places we went to before they were maybe 10 or 12.
My own favourite memories are of places I visited regularly. So my dad's home in the countryside and the Famous Five style days out I had nearby. And the beach we used to go to for cheap British holidays.

Get a family railcard. I don't drive and it gives you massive discounts. It's under £30 and you get 1/3 off adult and 2/3 off kids. You earn back the price after 2 or 3 trips and it lasts a year. Also, kids love train rides.

They do to me. You don't have to have expensive days out or holidays. Visiting the local park or paddling in a stream, feeding ducks etc etc can all be fun. Invite friends along and play rounders/ football etc, kids love it!

We never went abroad as kids but we did used to have occasional caravan holidays, not every year but the one thing I do really remember is we had lots of days out with home made picnics. They were usually just in parks or a zoo or a botanical garden. We lived near London though so there was always somewhere to go (by train as we didn’t have a car), we had little money so they were always budget days but they were good. My own kids on the other hand had several holidays abroad but as adults they say they can’t remember or barely remember them.

Just wanted to give you an empathy wave OP! My two are 6 and (just turned) 2, so there's also a bit of a gap. The older one wants me with them all the time and the younger one runs off, so I find it really stressful taking them both out on my own at the moment. Truth be told we barely survived a small supermarket shop this morning! I think when they get a bit older it'll be easier to do shared activities with them out and about, hopefully it's the same for you too! I'd also add that while there is value in new experiences, as you've pointed out time and attention trump it all really.

Tbf I always find my friends holidays with their kids a bit pointless 🙉 they travel abroad and basically sit around a pool watch hotel entertainment or go to the beach.
so in theory they don’t really see the country they are in and basically go for the nice weather.
a cheap air bnb with flights etc to say portugal works our cheaper than a all inclusive holiday package. Then you can explore the area.’

I also suffer from pretty bad anxiety surrounding holidays and new places.
Especially if it involves public transport

I imagine, seeing as you don’t drive, this is a pretty big hurdle.

Yes I do think it’s good for them. See different things, meet different people. Doesn’t have to be expensive. Take food/drink. Go by bus or train. Museums are often free. Look on your local council website for ideas. Even going to a different park. It also shows older ones how to navigate and cope eg what to do if bus is cancelled etc.

There's 13 years between my oldest and youngest. DH could not take time off work during school holidays so holidays as such didn't happen. DH, DS and DD all worked for the same business so couldn't take leave during the holidays and it took huge planning for them all to be off on the same day. If it did happen and the weather was decent we would take a picnic and go to a local country park for the day. We would usually end the day out with an ice cream from the cafe and have a takeaway that night.

All our spare money went on the kids so although we didn't go away if they had the opportunity to go to a theme park/cinema/activity with their friends we made sure they had the money to do that.

I don't think they missed out. What they do remember and still ask for now they are all adults is a family picnic.

Would learning to drive be an option?

50 things

List of 50 things to do as suggested by National Trust. Some are simple - fly a kite, make a den etc. You don’t have to spend out to have memories.

@PurpleFlower1983 I'm so sorry that you have had to make such sacrifices! Only a 4 bedroom house!

I hope your children's extensive experiences help them learn how to read the room a little better.

I feel the same OP. I'm a single mother, widow, work full time. My boy is well grounded, has some lovely friends and knows all of mine too. We have back garden BBQ's, days at friends, a walk here and there. We haven't been abroad for 8 years, not even a holiday in the uk except 1 city break and a camping trip or two. I've been ill all week and not been able to do much at all but he sounds happy enough tinkering away in his room, chatting to friends/cousins on his xbox. He's going swimming later. He's happy, safe, confident, curious, caring and well loved/loving. That's all that really matters.

I disagree, it's just middle class obsessiveness with Instagram that makes people think they have to #make memories and constantly have days out.

Yes you can ring the changes a bit by going to a different park or a different library. Also agree public transport is fun for kids, we once had a day out in London with the theme of doing different public transport, eg tube, DLR, cable car and boat. It didn't break the bank but we don't live that far away. But wherever you live there are likely to be cheap and free things to do.

but just with the same old shit - swimming, park, walks, lunch out, garden centre they've been to a million times, you get the drift.

its not shit, your dc will remember this as nice time spent with a parent who cared enough to take them out