Do holidays and days out really not matter?

[bottomlypotts22]

Every time the school holidays roll around I get this feeling of inadequacy about not doing enough with my kids. And every time I give my head a wobble and remember that love, time and attention are far more important.

Having said that, I want my dc to experience things outside of our hometown. Yes we go to the park, library, swimming, cafes but it's all things they've done before. I always felt like I wanted to give my kids more holidays and days out (not for the Instagram brags) but so they have a well rounded view of the world and plenty of experiences under their belt. Not just the same old things in the same old environment.

As it turns out, work commitments, money issues and the fact I don't drive always seem to get in the way. We have no holiday booked yet for this year and half term has once again been busy but just with the same old shit - swimming, park, walks, lunch out, garden centre they've been to a million times, you get the drift.

So what's your take? Is it important to give your kids new experiences or am I putting too much importance on it?

Seriously they don't matter...my kids are in the late 20's now. They don't remember the expensive holidays or most of the days out. They remember random things like when the car broke down and we spent 10 hours at a service station waiting for a recovery vechile.. apparently it was the best day ever 🙄🙄. I think spending time with them is more important.

I wouldn't worry too much - the nicest memories I have from my own childhood are the simple things you mentioned - going swimming, a bus or train ride, visiting relatives, going to the park. My own (now almost adult) children say much the same! The other things are 'nice to haves,' but not essential in my opinion.

OP you sound like a great mum and you are doing a great job with your kids.

I agree with @Fairyliz although I grew up a little later in the 70s and 80s. Most of these things did not exist, there were very few, if any, theme parks etc and there is no way my parents could have afforded to take us. We never went on holiday as a family, not once did the 4 of us ever stay away an overnight somewhere.

It's brilliant that so many on this thread prioritise trips and holidays but it just isn't possible for everyone, whether that's because of money, physical or mental health or whatever.

Please don't feel like you're letting your children down by not doing enough. Love and attention are far more important.

There are some great suggestions on this thread that don't have to cost much money and if you're struggling yourself with new places then try small things first and then build up. We used to love going for picnics even if it was only the local hill or even the garden, it was eating outside and in a slightly different setting.

We were in a similar situation OP when my two were kids. Have you looked into what day trips and mini breaks are on offer from your local coach companies. Many so trips to the beach, to tourist attractions like zoo's, musuems or national trust properties, to popular market towns and so on. Often in the holidays they will have family specials too. Sometimes they will have mini breaks which can be more affordable than a full weeks holiday.
We did also did caravans at holiday camps like Butlins and Pontins via public transport (trains) once the kids were 6+ years old. We went on day trips from the camps too which was alot easier than you think with local buses and trams. Also went to small seaside towns for a weekend in cheap B&B's for things like Blackpool Illuminations. So yeah with a bit of planning you can do it on the cheap when you can't drive.

A few weeks ago I spent almost £400 on one day to an adventure park (tickets, transport, overnight stay, food). They enjoyed the first few hours but then got a bit tired and haven't spoke about it since.

On the contrary last week we washed the car together while the kids helped then played up and down the street on their bikes...my eldest said it was the best day of his whole life. Then I got free tickets to the ideal home show and took my youngest for a train adventure there and back again. He absolutely loved it. £7.70 for a day out. Have a look at flex bus, we can get transport to the capital city (2hours away) for £2.99 each. Also do any local churches have free holiday clubs? Mine always love going to them. I'm not going to be paying for big fancy days out at any of the parks over the summer, we will be going to the parks in our county.

Can you afford a family rail card - when they're not striking 🙄- usually great value, take your lunch and head out for an adventure 😊

And here.

I think the kids (and I) appreciate holidays and day trips more than a bigger house or a fancy car. My 5 years is very well travelled and it has really opened up his world. He learns so much and I do think it will help him to grow into a very well rounded person.

Not every trip has to be Disney World etc but I do think it must get very boring for the kids (and parents) to never do anything different together.

We live in London so days out were much easier and we had a family Merlin Pass for me and dc and I drive so Legoland, Chessington etc was an after school trip out.

I think though even though London has a lot to offer I think it is getting up and just going out is where the effort lies.

You have to take that step over the threshold each day and not go to well worn paths of the local cafes, park, swimming etc

Some people a bit unhinged about this issue. Everyone is different, and makes different choices accordingly. Everyone has different circumstances too. These often dictate our choices, money being the obvious one. As long as you do your best with what you have that’s all you can do.

What I remember from my childhood is the overall sense of happiness and being loved my parents gave me. I don’t remember specific trips or holidays.

As long as your kids aren't plonked in front of screens for days on end during the holidays I wouldn't worry too much. But I agree with others that it's worth you making a huge effort now and then to do something different.

Maybe just one night away in a Premier Inn somewhere - you could go on the train or coach, stay in a cheap one, breakfast is free for kids and I always used to take enough breakfast food to make a packed lunch! I found that the hotel experience was what they enjoyed most - bouncing on the huge bed etc - it didn't matter what we did when we were there, often we just went to parks or free museums. I'm a working single parent so time has always been limited, but my kids have very happy memories of random trips we've been on.

Look-yes, its always good to broaden kids horizons and give them as many experiences as possible and I think that should be actively encouraged.

However, when I was a kid, I spent every school holiday with my grandparents whilst my parents worked. My grandparents only ever went to the downs to walk the dogs at the back of their house or to garden centres and I spent the rest of the time reading whilst they just hung out at home. Was it boring?- yes, it was if I am being honest. Did it affect me negatively long term ?- nope. In fact, because I read so much (no internet then) I did exceptionally well in my exams, went on to get two degrees, start a business, bought a house, and I have a wide circle of friends and I have a great, stable relationship now. That doesnt mean I think it was "ideal" but the point is- being loved and having a stable, caring home life is far more important than going out and "doing stuff" for the sake of it. Of course thats not to say I dont think its important to have different experiences but its not going to seriously hinder the rest of your life.

They are important but it does also depend what they are. Going to Tenerife (I love it there fyi so not slagging it off) to sit by a pool for 10 days is great but I don’t think they’ll miss out anything per se by not doing. You can jump on a train and go to a completely different place, meet different people in a fairly short space of time. Ultimately we remember the times we were happy and if they’re happy with you that’s what they’ll remember.

New experiences and places are very important to children. You should be making the effort to take them to new environments and not the same old stuff over and over again

They don’t have to be expensive but if you have the time to do the same stuff on repeat you have the time take them somewhere new

Personally I wanted to go and do different things. Never mind dc

National Trust & English heritage memberships are worth their weight in gold. Bus or train to wherever takes your fancy, take a pack up with you and you've got the makings of a fab day out. Plenty for the kids to explore and run around, they often have special activity days that the kids can join in.

We used to travel to different towns fairly close by (within 90 minutes) and visit their parks and museums for something different to do. We have also hopped into buses and seen where they take us in our own city before now!

That being said you do not have to do something or go somewhere every day, even once a week would make all the difference.

If you are not confident using public transport, could you learn to drive and then you would have freedom to go anywhere under your own steam. If that's not possible can you take a friend or family who can help you in public transport? Are your kids old enough to plan a trip and help you through public transport?

At the end of the day, your kids do not NEED to go somewhere different, they have the rest of their lives to do that, but if it's something you want to do, then find ways to make it happen.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I rememeber one holiday, taking the DC out by going to the next town by bus, and returning by train.
This was a real treat (as we always drove everywhere).
On another occassion, it was a walk to different shops (OK, it did have a sweet/ice cream shop)
we have gone to the park with a picnic.
We have also in the past gone on cheap caravan holidays, and also a camping holiday which I did by myself with 3 DC (I borrowed a tent and sleeping bags). However, this last is not an option if you do not drive, although some places have pre-built tents for hire,
Otherwise, the occassinal train journey to somewhere not too far away. Research things of interest - a different park, etc
Make daisy chains, or pick a few wild flowers for pressing (preferably from your own garden, as this may not be allowed in public places).

I think there are just different types of people and upbringings. My parents took us a few places, but we also made a lot of our own entertainment and had a lot of hobbies and creative things to do. So this is what my kids get and like to do as well.

Other people get very bored at home and their parents took them lots of places to keep them busy, and so this is what works for their family too.

Whatever your kids like doing, that’s good for them. Everyone decompresses in the holidays in their own way.

I used to wonder as a child why my Dmum didn't do more of the free things near us - parks library - I think now it was anxiety based. Though we did do some big days out with Dad along.

So made a point to take them to local parks/walks and activities. I don't think they remember it as such as it was their normal.

At same time DH insisted they we needed to do longer trips to museums and things even when they were young and it was difficult to get around reliant as we were on public transport - his argument was if we didn't start now we may never - so we did and enjoyed them and a did huge number by myself as well.

Then we moved and there was a lot more activities very local and I got out the habit of going much further with them - at same time in background my family dislike us doing anything and IL dislike us doing anything without them was still ongoing - a few bad experiences - at least one being left alone dealing with IL and kids and nearby city - or where I had to get the somewhere and things didn't go well and suddenly I'd lost all that confidence to get them places by myself.

We still do odd day out with DH but much less and since covid we spend more time in the house - but even when we do try with IL visits train/bus strikes and constant issue of finding somewhere to actually eat put us off.

Upshot is more you do it more confidence you build up.

I'd plan the shit out of any future trips - try and find free things as that massively takes the pressure of the day and try a few.

As to how important they are - no idea - but as long as there are a few in there across their childhood I think you'll be covered.

Where about are you @bottomlypotts22 and how old are the kids ? Maybe people can suggest stuff.

I struggle with 3 on my own, double buggy but they're 3 so need to be walking too, everything is such a huge effort but we go to Wales once a year, go on a boat, go to a castle, go to the beach. We still do the same stuff at home too - library, coffee shop, park. I'd love to go abroad but can't happen with DS right now.

We go to the Art gallery in town lots and into the city to the Museum. They both do lots of art session, community events etc so we get to join in Diwali celebrations for example.

What sort of enrichment does school do? Ours go to the seaside every year for a day cos Head realised some of the kids heading off to secondary school had never seen or been in the sea. It sounds minor to lots of people but here it's a huge thing.

When my DC's were young DH and I decided that we would like one of us to be a sahp, for a few years at least. We decided that it made sense for it to be me. It meant that I was able to spend loads of time with the DC's and then began to work pt once they were at school. Whilst we could manage for me to stay at home, it meant that after paying the mortgage and bills, there was no spare money at all, so there were no holidays other than the odd weekend staying with family in different parts of the country for a few days and even days out were a stretch, so our days out tended to be picnics in the local park or even the garden. We bought a cheap pop up tent and the DC's slept out in the garden for a few nights. One year, Tesco had an offer where you could swap grocery receipts for train tickets so I worked it out that I could take the DC's out once a week during the summer holidays. We went to the coast a couple of times, into London one day, and a few other places. Even when we could afford a holiday, it was always sc in this country. Like OP, I worried that our DC's had somehow missed out. Now they are adults with their own lives and families. The things they talk about are the wonderful times they enjoyed as children and amazingly, they love taking their wives and DC's to do the same things we did with them. They could very well afford more spectacular holidays, but clearly their childhood memories are special to them. OP, your children will appreciate what you are doing and the happiness you are giving them. Your time and love is something money cannot buy.

We didn't do things like theme parks much, or long haul trips but I got a lot out of UK based day trips and camping holidays in terms of learning about nature, experiencing different areas and landscapes and just appreciating the change of scene.

If parents can't afford it then they can't afford it and that's not the end of the world but if it's just about ideas and confidence to try new things then I'd look a bit harder. Bus or train to local nature reserve, national park or big city, open air pools or museums were a big favourite, take sandwiches; look for any coach trips in the local paper/ FB equivalent; megabus/ flixbus or family railcard for further afield and a cheap air bnb. You could look for free day festivals. Do they still do Sun holidays?

I think because my own parents never took
me anywhere unless it was to look
round a factory or going to the next town to stand at a market stall all day in all weathers and the only holiday we had was a few days in some shit hole Northern seaside resort I wanted to do things differently for my own dc.

I remember being either very bored or very cold.

My dc can’t remember specifics or have sparse memories of days out. But it is the feeling they had a fun childhood that is what they remember

We couldn't afford holidays in my family when I was a kid, not even UK ones. My most happiest memories were simply being with my nanna's, feeding squirrels in the park, riding the bus etc. They can go on holidays when they're adults, being loved, being given quality attention from mum/dad etc is what matters as a kid. Even cooking sessions etc, little things like that, they will remember.

I do go on days/evenings out with my son and I do think it's important. I want him to have an idea of what healthy social/free time could be. I want him to have some real-life experience of how a person might choose to spend their non-working time to enrich their own life. I think it's important that kids understand that adult life doesn't have to be the endless drudge of work and family obligations that it might often appear. You can try lots of different things, sometimes you enjoy them and discover a new hobby, sometimes you find it's not your cup of tea or it's a bit 'meh' (my son's word) but we've never regretted giving something a try. It's as much finding out what you don't like as what you do! When I was a young adult, I hadn't had that many 'experiences' and found myself mostly in the pub with similar people. It wouldn't have occurred to me that I could have been doing any number of other things. I want my son to have those options on his radar and not wait until midlife-crisis time like me!!

It's not all or nothing, you can do lower level items. Mine adore staying in a hotel. Doesn't have to be fancy or anywhere nice. A hotel bedroom, a pool and a buffet breakfast is a very exciting break away, even if for one night.

National Trust & English heritage memberships are worth their weight in gold.

We've looked at these over the years but not driving found many sites just aren't easily accessible - and you need to do a few to pay.

Even day trips to beaches on train wasn't great - better when we did week holiday - as you do have to carry so much stuff and trains tend to be packed on sunny days.

Cities with a few/cheap museum tend to be good especially if free or cheap - tend to good transport to them as well or nearby local towns/walks or nearby historical sites.