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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friends tightness ruining holiday.

281 replies

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:02

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

OP posts:

Allschoolsareartschools · 31/05/2023 17:05

How annoying & how rude of her to keep saying she's 'saving' everything for her next holiday as if yours isn't important.
Not a lot you can do unless you just buy for yourself but that's a bit miserable if she's sitting there with tap water!

Thinkwhat · 31/05/2023 17:05

Depending on where you are airbnb has an activity section, why not suggest you go an do your own things for a half day or day and book something with a little group? Usually the people are quite easy going and chilled and there’s often quite a few solo travellers

Jagoda · 31/05/2023 17:05

Take yourself off for the day and do all the things you want to do. She sounds like shitty company and its really rude to say she prefers to spend when with boyfriend rather than you.

bibbityboppityboo · 31/05/2023 17:06

That's quite rude of her if she's pre agreed to holiday with you and is actually saying "im not spending because I'm saving for my next holiday" is just out of the pale! Insinuating that her next holiday is her priority, shocking.

Take yourself out for some nice meals and drinks - you might bump into some like minded people and make some new friends 😊

Softoprider · 31/05/2023 17:08

Your friend is behaving like a spoiled child. Wants to keep her spending money while eating the others sweets.

Just buy your own. She needs to get the message

highlandspooce · 31/05/2023 17:08

Jagoda · 31/05/2023 17:05

Take yourself off for the day and do all the things you want to do. She sounds like shitty company and its really rude to say she prefers to spend when with boyfriend rather than you.

This. I wish I had done it when I was in a similar situation.

Dovetail40 · 31/05/2023 17:09

Do activities by yourself.

Go for meals by yourself

Ask her and then say OK I'm booking

My ONLY holiday so I'm going to ENJOY IT.

stop buying her ice cream and cocktails.

Brefugee · 31/05/2023 17:09

Tell her she's very rude and do all the things you want without her.

gigglie · 31/05/2023 17:09

you need to tell her and come up with a happy medium. For example you go to the restaurant but you get all the courses while she just gets a main

Daffodil92 · 31/05/2023 17:10

She’s being rude and you would be completely reasonable to tell her so. Have you tried having a conversation with her?
Tell her she’s ruining your trip, and if she doesn’t pack it in you’ll go and have fun without her.

rookiemere · 31/05/2023 17:10

I'd certainly not be subsiding her. She should be embarrassed by her behaviour. Outline what it is you want to do - tell her you understand if she doesn't want to pay to go to the tourist attractions- but refusing to eat or drink out or mooching off you is not good friends behaviour.

Original poster

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:10

Thanks all. The worst thing is, her boyfriend is actually jobless at the moment so she’s eager to save to spend for the both of them- which in return makes me feel like I’m sort of bank rolling 2 people!

OP posts:

greenplantspinkflowers · 31/05/2023 17:10

Stop buying here anything!!! How cheeky! You're basically subsidising her holiday!

Receiverofrage · 31/05/2023 17:12

Your friend sounds incredibly immature if she can’t see how rude this is.

Thinkwhat · 31/05/2023 17:13

https://www.airbnb.co.uk/s/experiences have a look here and see if there’s anything local to you. Don’t feel bad about doing your own thing

Shinyandnew1 · 31/05/2023 17:13

What a cow! I would say that this is your only holiday and you want to enjoy yourself which is going to cost more than £20 a day. Just go where you want and do what you want (not paying for her!) otherwise you’ll be back home in the blink of an eye, having had a rubbish holiday.

viques · 31/05/2023 17:14

Just buy cocktails, drinks and ice creams for yourself. If she wants to economise that’s her lookout, you are on holiday. If you do get her out to a restaurant order what you fancy. If she wants a plain omelette and water then that is her choice.

cheddercherry · 31/05/2023 17:15

Enjoy yourself, you’re only there once! And if she’s annoyed at you wanting to enjoy your only holiday then are you really that sad to lose this kind of friend who clearly doesn’t see making memories with you as important as impressing her new bf?

SchoolShenanigans · 31/05/2023 17:15

I'd be honest. Tell her that you had hoped to have a nice holiday but you can't do that on a shoestring. That you're surprised she's ok to do nothing on this holiday for the sake of saving for the next one. That it's a shame but you're not willing to do the same, so you'll be going out and you'll see her when you get back.

No funding her. No compromising. Make sure you enjoy your trip and definitely rethink before booking another with her.

HadalyEve · 31/05/2023 17:16

€100 a day!
I agree you don’t need to be buying things for her, but I don’t see what is wrong with you having an ice cream while she has none, or you having an expensive meal while she has a cheaper one off the same menu, or you having a cocktail while she has a coke. Stop judging her budget choices and expecting her to blow €100/day.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 31/05/2023 17:16

I'm sorry op, that's really disappointing. Stop spending money on her and just go out and do the things you had planned to do.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 31/05/2023 17:17

HadalyEve · 31/05/2023 17:16

How can you judge this without knowing what country they're in?

MichelleScarn · 31/05/2023 17:17

Is she refusing to spend any money or just not 100€ a day? Was that the expectation from you both? I may be out of touch, but I'd find that quite an expensive holiday!

GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:18

That is not fair of her at all

but a decade long very close friend…. Talk to her!!

Daffodil92 · 31/05/2023 17:18

HadalyEve · 31/05/2023 17:16

She’s clearly not, the OPs friend is the one who moved the goalposts once they arrived. They’d always planned to eat meals out and visit tourist attractions.
Also, tourist attractions and meals/drinks can easily add up to €100 a day, particularly in expensive city locations-I’m not sure why you’re acting as if the OP is Rockefeller? 🫤

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