Friends tightness ruining holiday.

[Holytortilla]

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

Stop being a mug!!!

So say. If you don't fancy that. Do you want to stay here and I'll go? This is my only holiday and I want to get the most out of it.

Got here last night, had breakfast today which we both had for 10 euro, ice cream and cocktail at lunch which I paid for and then she started with the “I don’t wanna go, don’t wanna pay etc” when we talked about planning the days ahead.

We were going to do this boat tour today but didn’t as she no longer wanted to, so we’ve been walking around most of the day. She has bought one coke so spent her 15 leaving her 5 of her budget for dinner. It’s half six here so we will be going out to look for somewhere to eat shortly and it’ll begin again.

I’m probably finding it harder as my friend isn’t normally like this- it’s as if she’s been blinded by love and nothing else longer matters.

You are correct that if you continue, you would be bank rolling them both! She is very selfish in being happy to ruin your holiday and expecting you to subsidise them. Please do the things you want to do and don't bother to ask her to join you. Definitely don't buy her anything or go on holiday with her again.

Just leave her at the hotel and go by yourself. "Oh well I want to go so I'll see you later." Don't spend anymore money on her.

Tell her she is bot being a decent friend and ruining your only holiday this year and stop subsidising her!

Ugh sorry OP, that sounds really disappointing and frustrating. I think you need to have an honest chat and say that you don't have another holiday to look forward to in three weeks, this is your holiday right now and you intend to enjoy it. And that you understand she's excited to go away with her new boyfriend but you are a bit upset that all the stuff you were looking forward to is apparently no longer possible. It'll be awkward as hell but you deserve to have a nice holiday!

Reminds me if a fortnight with two "friends" decades ago. Once we arrived one declared her holiday budget was the equivalent of about 10E a day. The other declared that to keep things fair we'd all put in 10E a day to a shared purse for all spends. They invested in roll up mats for the beach rather than hire sunbeds because they were wasteful, Yoghurt and bread to have in our triple room for breakfast, bus trips rather than hiring a car. I was so relieved at the end of the first week that there were a diminishing number.ber of days left. It was utterly joyless.

With hindsight I shoukd ha e flown home, bought a sunbed and drunk cocktails in the garden.

Bloody hell OP! Stop this now!

You go and take yourself off somewhere nice for dinner tonight and then you spend the day however you want tomorrow.

Chances are she will just follow and spend her money. She won't want to be left out.

... her boyfriend is actually jobless at the moment so she’s eager to save to spend for the both of them

More fool her

However I agree with most; just do your own thing and if she comes she comes, and if she doesn't she can sit in the hotel texting him

Oh- it's lovely there! She's such a selfish idiot scrimping on a holiday like that. Go off on your own if you must - there is far to much to see and enjoy to have it spoiled for you.

You are in beautiful place and don't let this selfish, rude person ruin it for you. From now on, go out and enjoy your holiday and if she wants to sit in the hotel and save money for her boyfriend, then more fool her.

Have you spoken to her about it?

thank god its only for a few days. lord 100e a day is doing good. when we go away we budget 150e to 200e a day. I hate scrimping on hols some days it's cheaper other days its more. I like my comforts nice food and drink plus touristy things. I wouldn't even bother asking her to go with you to see things just tell her your going and that's it. when dinner etc order what ya want don't pay for her

This holiday is ruined now either way - so you might as well go off and do your own thing and make the most of it.

You're at Lake Como! You have to do a boat trip! Don't let it be a waste you just because her priorities have changed.

Ditch her and go out and do what you like. No one will bat an eyelid at a solo traveller. You don't have to be rude about it, just say you've been looking forward to this holiday so you're going to pop out to do x,y,z and you'll see her later.

I would just say to her that you are going to x tourist destination, or having x for dinner and drinks and if she says she can't afford it then just go alone. If she wants to come she is most welcome to as that was the idea of the holiday, for you both to have fun, but she has to pay for herself🍹

When me and my DH go on holiday, we always roughly budget €100 a day. Now we have young children we still spend about that because we buy more meals but less booze. Christ what fun can you have on holiday with 15/20 euros? That wouldn’t cover a sandwich and a can of coke in most European cities / resorts.

She's an old friend. Tell her it's your only break and you're not missing out. So you'll go off and do the stuff you wanted to do and you'll see her back at the hotel.

Stop ruddy buying her stuff.

Organise some outings and tours for yourself. There will be other people travelling alone in the group and you will be able to enjoy seeing some of the sights.
Don't have a miserable holiday just because of your friend. I have, in the past, been on work trips with DH and happily joined some organised things on my own. I felt comfortable being in a group with a guide. Way better than sitting in a hotel!

I’d tell her that it’s become clear that this is no longer the trip you both initially planned - with trips, cocktails etc - because she’s not budgeted enough to afford both this and the second holiday she wants to have. And, because you haven’t got a second trip to look forward to, you are going to make the most of this one and continue to do the things you’d looked forward to - and it’s not in your budget to fund that for both of you.

Then go and please yourself while she saves her pounds to pay for a second trip she can’t really afford because she has to scrimp to fund an unemployed boyfriend.

She's being really rude, I think you need to be honest with her or your friendship will be ruined.

That s not much if you're self catering and wanting to visit attractions.

This is an excellent suggestion.

This .
Treat the holiday like a solo trip and enjoy yourself . She's not much of a friend to treat you like this . Will be interesting to know how she feels when the tables are turned and she's shelling out for this jobless boyfriend.