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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends tightness ruining holiday.

281 replies

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:02

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

OP posts:
Daffodil92 · 31/05/2023 17:20

Goodoccasionallypoor · 31/05/2023 17:17

How can you judge this without knowing what country they're in?

Show quote history

Exactly!
I recently came back from Barcelona-a ticket to sagrada familia was €45 alone!

Original poster
Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:20

HadalyEve · 31/05/2023 17:16

€100 a day!
I agree you don’t need to be buying things for her, but I don’t see what is wrong with you having an ice cream while she has none, or you having an expensive meal while she has a cheaper one off the same menu, or you having a cocktail while she has a coke. Stop judging her budget choices and expecting her to blow €100/day.

I’m not? I’m simply saying it’s a bit awkward isn’t it. We are also in Italy just outside Lake Como (outing I know) so everything is beyond expensive and we both knew that but it was a dream destination for us both to visit.

OP posts:
GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:20

100 euros a day? I take it you’re on Room Only basis and you like a cocktail or 6?!

towriteyoumustlive · 31/05/2023 17:21

Stop buying her stuff!!!

Just suggest an excursion, and if she says no, then say ok, well some of us only have one holiday this year so do you mind if I go ahead and book for myself?

(rhetorical question obviously... just go ahead and then book it and GO!!)

rookiemere · 31/05/2023 17:21

100 euros is a fairly modest budget if you add in tourist attractions and the odd cocktail in lovely surroundings.

OP when did you get there and how long have you got to go ? Have you missed going to anything or can you go by yourself?

AmeliaWarnerBros · 31/05/2023 17:22

YANBU, OP. Can't believe your friend- who does that?

In your shoes, I'd go f- this & take myself off to the attractions I really wanted to see alone. Her fault, her problem.

Please do NOT let her ruin your trip.

At least you now know never to go away with her again, & you will have a laugh about it in years to come.

pinkfondu · 31/05/2023 17:23

Stop paying for her now, do not stop doing what you had planned because she has changed the goalposts.

Original poster
Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:23

For those saying 100 euros a day is a lot, that is for travel (buses, water taxi) along with meals, entry to places to visit, alcohol and a bit of an emergency buffer too.

For reference, a coke at a cafe here earlier was 5 euros.

OP posts:
GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:24

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:23

For those saying 100 euros a day is a lot, that is for travel (buses, water taxi) along with meals, entry to places to visit, alcohol and a bit of an emergency buffer too.

For reference, a coke at a cafe here earlier was 5 euros.

So she’s managing to do all that other then ice cream and cocktail for 15/20 euros a day?

what are you actually buying for her?

Hugasauras · 31/05/2023 17:25

Miserable and rude cow. She's going on two holidays in three weeks, she's hardly in poverty. I'd be extremely annoyed if we couldn't eat out at any decent restaurants. What on earth can you get for 20 euros a day?! That's like sitting in a park with a picnic budget, and I can do that at home.

GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:26

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:23

For those saying 100 euros a day is a lot, that is for travel (buses, water taxi) along with meals, entry to places to visit, alcohol and a bit of an emergency buffer too.

For reference, a coke at a cafe here earlier was 5 euros.

So if she’s only spending 15/20

That means she’s not doing a thing other than buying herself the bare minimum food.

so you are subbing everything? But you only mention ice cream and cocktail?

Hugasauras · 31/05/2023 17:26

GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:24

So she’s managing to do all that other then ice cream and cocktail for 15/20 euros a day?

what are you actually buying for her?

Show quote history

Did you read the OP? She's saying she doesn't want to do tourist attractions or go places etc because they cost money.

GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:26

As I say, a decade long very close friend

and you don’t mention actually raising this with her

MrsLifeisnotabowlofcherries4 · 31/05/2023 17:27

Years ago when I was 18 I went away with my so called best friend to Spain and all she talked about and thought about was her new boyfriend Derek and wouldn't go or do anything while we were away and to crown it all he was waiting for her at the airport. I can understand how upset you are.

User124534687 · 31/05/2023 17:28

Just ignore the haters on here and do what the others have said - get yourself off and have a good holiday without her. See the PP who sent you the link to activities to do and just head off on your own. And rethink this shitty 'friend' (no real friend would do this and I say this as a skint person myself, I'd never treat a friend this way even if I couldn't afford what they wanted to do).

GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:28

So what have you been doing all day oP?

how far in to the holiday are you?

seems a shame that such a short holiday and you haven’t had a chat with her to pull it back from a disappointment

Hugasauras · 31/05/2023 17:29

Honestly, OP, sack her off and do what you like. If she starts bleating about not wanting to spend money on going to places you had arranged to go, just say 'That's a shame! Maybe I can meet you after somewhere' and carry on. Try and salvage the enjoyment you can.

blalala34 · 31/05/2023 17:29

Leave her and do what you've planned!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/05/2023 17:29

If you’re really being kind and could afford it say you’ll lend her X amount as she’s short but you’d like it paid back as you’d assumed she’d budgeted for this which is your only holiday.

This then means you see it from her POV. Alternatively, make a list of what you’d both like to do eg day trips etc. you could do one thing in the morning whilst she’s eg at pool or alternate every other day doing something with her and you do your own thing.

I had this but with a “friend” I didn’t know very well in Ibiza. She was studying to complete her masters and submit it and spent ages during the day in the internet cafe or on her laptop typing when we were supposed to be on day trips. I was furious but luckily some friends were staying in the same hotel which I’d thought was further away so I ditched this “friend” and hung out with them instead.

StripeyDeckchair · 31/05/2023 17:30

You have things you want to do so do them - go the restaurant, have the cocktails & ice cream and visit the attractions.

If she doesn't want to the say "oh, thats a shame, this is part of what we planned. We'll I'm still going to do it, see you later"

Sewingdufus · 31/05/2023 17:30

Stop.
Change the way you are asking, rather than, “Shall we . . . “ perhaps try saying, “Tomorrow I’m going to . . . would you like to join me?”
Then she still has control of her spending but doesn’t restrict your activities.

mondaytosunday · 31/05/2023 17:31

Ive had something similar. Went away with a couple friends and one of them, who I know is careful with money (though we all earned pretty much the same then) the last two or three days of the trip she suddenly ran out of cash (this was the dark ages when you brought travellers cheques - no Internet or Apple Pay). We had all agreed a budget beforehand so she should have had it. She knew me and the other girl would pay for her - we were hardly going to go out without her or not have her drink anything. In fact now I recall we went away again when she had her baby and for some reason towards the end she was rationing nappies! You could only buy bumper packs there and she said she wouldn't be able to fit the extras in her suitcase and didn't want to 'waste' them so either let her child go without (queue embarrassing peeing at a restaurant) or didn't change him if just wet!
Your friend is being insensitive and I would have a word. Tell her you appreciate she has another holiday but you booked this one first and it's your only one! Then do as other suggest snd take off on your own for a bit.

FrenchandSaunders · 31/05/2023 17:32

100 euros a day on holiday self catering is a normal budget, you can soon get through that.

Your friend is incredibly rude OP and I'd be very hurt. You need to speak to her.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 31/05/2023 17:32

Hire a car or do coach trips https://uk.hotels.com/go/italy/towns-around-lake-como

Notajollyholly · 31/05/2023 17:33

She's ruining both the holiday and your friendship, it's 3 days not 2 weeks luckily, don't subsidise her unless you really can afford it op, and then only if it stops you doing the things you planned together. If you're confident enough go it alone, but if not let her penny pinch and just ask for separate bills. She is taking the piss if she had committed to this holiday before booking trip with bf..lesson learnt I feel going forward