Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends tightness ruining holiday.

281 replies

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:02

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

OP posts:
itwasntmetho · 31/05/2023 18:12

bluebunny1 · 31/05/2023 18:04

OP, I live in Milan (short train ride from Como). I have time and plenty of money for activities. If you are around tomorrow or Monday let me know and I can take you out.

Take her up on that OP.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 31/05/2023 18:14

Don't let her sponge off you so she can treat her jobless fella. Go out and do the tourist stuff OP, don't let her spoil it!

FinnysTail · 31/05/2023 18:14

YANBU Enjoy your holiday. Do what you want without her. Can you book excursions with your travel company so you can enjoy the experience with others?

You must be so disappointed with your DF, and rightly so

user1471538283 · 31/05/2023 18:17

Contact @bluebunny1 ! You will have a blast!

I hope you have a terrific holiday!

Bournetilly · 31/05/2023 18:18

YANBU but go and do everything you wanted to yourself, don’t be ruining your holiday for her.

She has the money she’s just choosing not to spend it. Tell her it’s your only holiday this year so you are still going to do everything that was originally planned. Tell her you have not budgeted enough to pay for both of you whilst doing everything you wanted therefore you will be doing it alone.

RachelGreeneGreep · 31/05/2023 18:20

As many others have said, don't let her ruin your holiday. Do what you had planned, trips out, nice restaurants and let her do as she pleases.

Oh and for sure stop paying for ANYTHING for her.

Shoxfordian · 31/05/2023 18:20

She sounds really rude; don’t let her ruin your trip though, do the tourist stuff without her if she doesn’t want to do it and let her amuse herself on 5 euro all day

Fedupwitheveryone · 31/05/2023 18:21

Sounds annoying OP but largely salvageable - I've been to Lake Como with a friend who had to work most of the time we were there (that was planned though) I took myself off on boat trips and to visit some of the amazing lakeside homes pretty successfully.
The boats are cheap enough though, so perhaps say to your friend that she comes with you on those trips so you feel like you aren't alone, but maybe when you go around the attractions she sits outside with a book or goes for a wander around the town. That's free.

I agree with PP that you need to say something to her - if only to clear the air
'I know you are trying to save your budget but can we find some compromise so that I don't spend my holiday by myself? eg we pick two nights where we can go out for supper but have picnic lunches for the other meals to keep costs down.'

mainsfed · 31/05/2023 18:23

I'm so glad you've stopped paying for her and also glad that it's only a 3 day break. Imagine 7 days of her tight fisted misery.

The fact that she's willing to sponge off you shows she has her head up her arse.

Let this be the last holiday with her. And don't pay a penny for her.

AmyDudley · 31/05/2023 18:29

she knows full well she is spoiling your holiday. she is hoping you will get so fed up of not being able to do things or eat out, that you will pay for her. If you ant to eat somewhere and she says she's only got 5 euro, say 'oh that's a shame, maybe you can find a supermarket that sells sandwiches, shall we meet up again in a couple of hours?' If you want to go sight seeing and she's doing her 15 Euro routine say ' Oh OK I'll probably be back around 5ish, have a great day'

But personally I would take up Bluebunny's generous offer. She sounds ten thousand times more fun than your friend

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/05/2023 18:29

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:36

Got here last night, had breakfast today which we both had for 10 euro, ice cream and cocktail at lunch which I paid for and then she started with the “I don’t wanna go, don’t wanna pay etc” when we talked about planning the days ahead.

We were going to do this boat tour today but didn’t as she no longer wanted to, so we’ve been walking around most of the day. She has bought one coke so spent her 15 leaving her 5 of her budget for dinner. It’s half six here so we will be going out to look for somewhere to eat shortly and it’ll begin again.

I’m probably finding it harder as my friend isn’t normally like this- it’s as if she’s been blinded by love and nothing else longer matters.

Show quote history

She has bought one coke so spent her 15 leaving her 5 of her budget for dinner.

She's expecting you to sub her - don't do it.

She's behaving dreadfully.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 31/05/2023 18:30

At dinner tonight just talk to her.

“Look I know you are trying to save money for your next holiday, at the same time this is my only chance at this. So tomorrow I’m going to Visit X and Y, and understand if you don’t want to join. I hope you will obviously!”

After that just come up with a plan and do it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/05/2023 18:30

Cross-posted with @AmyDudley who has made an excellent suggestion re: sandwich advice.

MsRosley · 31/05/2023 18:30

FFS, stop bankrolling this woman! She's the one who has moved the goal posts. Just buy yourself whatever you want, do whatever you want, and leave her to it. Yes, it's a bummer that she's bailed on you like this, but stop enabling her to do it.

stillavid · 31/05/2023 18:31

OMG we did Lake Come last year, granted in a v expensive hotel but I think it was one of the most £££ places I have ever been so she is mad to think she can do it for 15 euros a day.

I think I would actually have quite an honest conversation with her and if she won't spend a sensible amount then I would go off and do stuff without her.

NotSorry · 31/05/2023 18:32

shivawn · 31/05/2023 17:55

It's a completely normal budget for your destination, slightly on the lower side if anything. You're getting some ridiculous comments here.

Show quote history

agree - we budget £100 a day for a holiday (self-catering) too - some days it's more and some days it's less

CanofCant · 31/05/2023 18:34

Jagoda · 31/05/2023 17:05

Take yourself off for the day and do all the things you want to do. She sounds like shitty company and its really rude to say she prefers to spend when with boyfriend rather than you.

Sorry, only on the first page but I would follow this advice. Stop wasting your money on her too, the cheeky sod!

BashfulClam · 31/05/2023 18:35

Just been to the US, a small breakfast for 2 is easily $50. Add in travel, entrance fees, snacks and drinks and you are easily over $200 a day. We spent $300 on dinner at a top restaurant.

GCalltheway · 31/05/2023 18:36

So rude, I would tell her she is ruining the fun of it for you - and I’d never go away with her again. The jobless boyfriend sounds like a Prince 😬

Usernamen · 31/05/2023 18:36

mainsfed · 31/05/2023 18:23

I'm so glad you've stopped paying for her and also glad that it's only a 3 day break. Imagine 7 days of her tight fisted misery.

The fact that she's willing to sponge off you shows she has her head up her arse.

Let this be the last holiday with her. And don't pay a penny for her.

This is harsh but completely justified.

I‘ve had a similar experience with a former friend. She simply had nowhere near enough money for the trip. There was no rationale behind it, she was spoilt/entitled and wanted to travel, regardless of how her brokeness would impact others on the trip. She thought posting a photo on Instagram tagging the location was ‘travel’ and barely left the beach. She’s very sensitive (and we were young and naive) so we actually pandered to her for the first few days and did fuck all as well. 🤦‍♀️

rookiemere · 31/05/2023 18:39

With your last update OP, you need a come to jesus conversation. 15 euros will not cover her dinner, so as well as spoiling your holiday by refusing to do anything, she expects you to subsidise her.

I'd be really honest with her and say that if she hasn't enough money to go out for dinner, maybe you should just go on your own. You want to be on holiday with her, but it's not up to you to subsidise her. You could offer to loan her an amount for the holiday on the strict proviso you get it back within a few months, but I suspect the money would go the way this friendship is going.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 31/05/2023 18:42

Everyone is really annoying when they have just met someone that they fall in love with (myself included!) luckily this only happens to most people 1-3 times max in a life so it's likely your friend will be more normal and you'll get her back later- such a shame it's impacting your holiday, I would just say do what you want to do without her and if she's upset tell her that you've spent so much getting there you want to see her region rather than stay in the hotel area

Summerfun2023 · 31/05/2023 18:45

Leave your friend in the hotel room with bread and

mrsbitaly · 31/05/2023 18:45

Its your holiday and you budgeted money for each day who cares how much its your treat.

If there's something you really want to do I would just be absolutely upfront and say this is your only holiday this year I would really like to xxx do you mind if we catch up a bit later.

Honestly its so unfair for her to do this as you can hardly do anything

Dutch1e · 31/05/2023 18:47

I'd also have an honest conversation but I think I'd be more blunt than offering to go off on your own.

"Friend, we came here with a daily budget and you're changing the terms when I'm already here and now my choices are all bad ones. It feels shitty."

Then stay completely silent and blank-faced while she yammers through her excuses, some embarrassment, then hopefully eventually admits that she's all starry-eyed over the fella and ripping off her friend in the process.