Friends tightness ruining holiday.

[Holytortilla]

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

Has she really expected you to bankroll her and her boyfriend? Or is she just budgeting? If she doesn't want to spend as much money as you do then you can't make her. There is nothing to stop you going on a boat ride without her, that's what I would do. I hope you make up and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Given she called OP ‘horrible’ when OP said I can’t bank roll you, I’d say she expected OP to bank roll her.

You need to tell her that this is your holiday. You both had planned to do lots and now she is backing out because she wants to save all her money for her holiday with her boyfriend. Its her, not you that is spoiling everything. I think you need to make sure she understands that. She booked the holiday with plans in mind and has changed those plans, you havent. Then forget her and go and have a great time.

A decade long very close friendship comes to this. Name calling, piss taking, a mumsnet thread

Mind boggling

"This holiday should be about both of us."

Isn't that exactly why a daily budget was agreed prior to departure? Selfish git she is.

She in return said that I was selfish, that a holiday should be about us both and what we both want to do and that we don’t need to spend tons to have fun. I said no, but we need the minimum to be able to eat here and I can’t bank roll her and she essentially called me horrible. So she went back to the room and I had dinner alone

But the holiday isn't about both of you, it's all about her and her saving money. She doesn't want to spend more than the bare minimum. You weren't expecting to have 5-star meals 3 times a day and spend a fortune, but a decent evening meal and some sight-seeing trips would be nice FFS! What does she want to do, walk around outside and eat a supermarket sandwich on a grotty bird-shit covered bench in the shade??

Also, she was more than happy for you to spend money on ice-creams and cocktails for her and now you've said you can't bank roll her she's reacted badly.

Cheeky fucker.

Do what you want for the rest of the holiday and don't go on holiday with her again.

What's your point?
I don't think it is mind boggling actually. These things happen. Maybe the friendship was a bit one-sided all along with OP always giving in to friend. Perhaps it's the first time OP has called her out on anything and that's why she's reacted with name calling.
Maybe the friend has absolutely lost the plot since she's got together with the new bloke and can't think about anything else. I know plenty of people who have got together with a new partner and changed completely in that first loved-up phase and suddenly the only priority has been their new love.

It’s mind boggling to me then when I think about my very close long term friendships

But mumsnet has opened my eyes to what some experience in “friendships”

oh and families too!!

leaves me 😮 sometimes

You did see that the friend called the OP “horrible” didn’t you?

I just read the thread started by Boffin in 2017.

You need to find your own Patsy!

@ZenNudist

Stick it all on Facebook.

WTF?

Just seen your update. She sounds awful.

Do you think she was angry because she was actually expecting you to pay out for her dinner? I'm still confused as to whether you bought her ice cream and cocktails because you offered, or because she asked.

Was she expecting you to pay for her dinner and angry that you wouldn't, or was she genuinely suggesting you find somewhere she could get something for €5 and angry that you didn't want to? Both are unreasonable but one worse than the other.

Anyway I'm glad you went to dinner alone. Keep doing that!

This reminds me of the thread where the OP was on holiday with a friend and the friend only turned up with £60 or so for the whole holiday.

I think OP kept a record of how much the friend owed her (it was in 100s) but not sure if she paid

This

I assumed that OP offered to pay initially because - well, how would any of us feel enjoying an ice cream on a hot day, or sipping a cocktail, when the person we were with "couldn't afford it" and toyed with a glass of water?

If a friend is temporarily "embarrassed", none of us mind subsidising a couple of drinks, but when it becomes apparent that they aren't unexpectedly short of cash - they just don't want to pay for anything - that's when our patience wears thin.

I remember that one - I'd love to know the outcome.

Also the MNer in the US, whose two friends visited from the UK and she stood them (expensive) lunch, only to find that after she left the hotel dining area to go back to work they added another couple of hundred dollars worth of drinks to her bill (having overheard her room number).

I know these are people's lives, and we have no right to know the result, but I'd just love to see someone report, "She eventually paid me back (and hasn't spoken to me since", or "I took the CF to the small claims court, got every penny back plus £XXX for the day's work I missed going to court."

I would get such a warm, rosy glow.

@Emotionalsupportviper I remember that one too! OP did say she would update but then didn’t.

If I ever have a CF experience and start a threadI, will provide copious updates! 🤣

Hope you've had a great day and have done some lovely things and enjoyed delicious food and drink.
If you want to maintain this friendship then I'd be tempted to do some research and plan your itinerary with costs. Then give it to your friend and say this is what I will be doing let me know if you fancy joining me at all. Maybe encourage her to do the same and see if there is anything you fancy. Maybe plan a meal together at some point even if that is self catered. But, only do this is the relationship is worth saving. Otherwise write it off and focus on you.

If she'd approached you before the holiday you'd booked together and said "I'm a bit tight on funds this month, I can still afford a holiday but would it be possible to dine on a budget as I can only afford £x amount per day", I'd have no issue with that as she was honest and straightforward. That could then be agreed with, disagreed with or negotiated on.

However, as she agreed to the pricing and plans for the holiday beforehand but has now made it clear that she can't spend as much as originally planned simply because she's saving for another upcoming holiday, that's really rude. It implies the next holiday is more important than the one she's on with you, so she'd rather save for that one.

Even if she just really wanted to go on both holidays, she should have discussed with you whether the holiday you both had planned could be altered to be cheaper so she could afford another holiday, without just booking it and assuming you would be fine with her changes to the plans. If she couldn't afford both holidays she shouldn't have booked them so close together, especially as it has meant your agreed plans have now been altered without any discussion.

I'd go off for a day or two on your own, explore, visit some attractions, eat somewhere fancy and make a really good time of things. She can have an icecream by herself.

Absolutely. I’m going on holiday in a couple of weeks and me and my friend discussed that we’re both not as flush these days so talked about having a couple of nights where we eat at pool bar rather than in a restaurant and also getting supplies in the room. Finding happy hours and a few drinks on the balcony and not beach front cocktail bars every night.

There's always compromises that can be made but you discuss it like friends ups BEFORE you get on the plane. You don’t just turn up and plead poverty but then also bang on about your next holiday with Prince Charming. Just rude and selfish.

I agree with PP saying to point out you havent got another holiday booked because you budgeted properly for this one! This friendship would be over for me, too.

@Holytortilla how has today gone ?

So will I!!!

Whether I win my battle or not - I'll either want someone to celebrate with or a shoulder to cry on, but if it ever happens, I'll be here.

Sorry...not posted before but dying to know how it all ended up???