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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends tightness ruining holiday.

281 replies

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:02

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

OP posts:
TellySavalashairbrush · 31/05/2023 18:48

I’d definitely be off doing all the things I want to do. Don’t let her spoil your holiday and no more spending on her. She’s got a bloody cheek!

uncomfortablydumb53 · 31/05/2023 18:49

Lake Como is beautiful You're there for a short time so tell your friend over dinner your plans for tomorrow.. or do take up PP's offer, you'll see all the best bits that way!
Do not let her spoil your fun, she's insensitive and rude

Axahooxa · 31/05/2023 18:49

YANBU!! I feel bad for you, I would be incredibly disappointed if it were me.

Straightomyhead · 31/05/2023 18:51

Almost this exact situation happened to me a few years ago with a trip to Mexico. We planned one trip and then got there and she wanted to sit around the hotel and cook there too. (We had a little apartment type hotel)

I just made plans and offered for her to come. I had a great trip and did a few coach trips and stuff. She has a cheap holiday watching my Netflix. I still look back and am super proud I didn't let it ruin my trip and went a few places on my own.

Soubriquet · 31/05/2023 18:52

Don’t let your friend ruin your holiday. Go and do the stuff you want to do. If she sulks, let her

fetchacloth · 31/05/2023 18:54

How selfish of your friend as if your holiday doesn't matter.😡
I would be inclined to do my own thing for the rest of the holiday, if she wants to tag along and pay her way, fine, but if not, leave her to her own devices.

TomatoSandwiches · 31/05/2023 18:54

bluebunny1 · 31/05/2023 18:04

OP, I live in Milan (short train ride from Como). I have time and plenty of money for activities. If you are around tomorrow or Monday let me know and I can take you out.

Wow, what an amazingly lovely offer, how fab are you x

ejbaxa · 31/05/2023 18:54

Omg
tell her it’s your only holiday and do the boat trips/whatever. She’s being a really selfish bitch ruining your holiday like this.

Cakeandcardio · 31/05/2023 18:55

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:23

For those saying 100 euros a day is a lot, that is for travel (buses, water taxi) along with meals, entry to places to visit, alcohol and a bit of an emergency buffer too.

For reference, a coke at a cafe here earlier was 5 euros.

100 euro is def not a lot if you want to have a moderately nice time. And that's in any place I've ever been to on holiday. Make sure you just take yourself off to do nice things. Let her have a miserable time - her choice. I can't imagine she will enjoy the next holiday more when the bf is mooching off her.

Selfesteem23 · 31/05/2023 18:55

Stop subsiding her and book some attractions or whatever and just go. Join some guided tours. Eat on your own if needs be don’t let her spoil it and don’t finance her either it’s her choice!

Bluebells1970 · 31/05/2023 18:56

She's your friend. Be honest.

She should have cancelled if she wasn't happy to still go with you.

FinnysTail · 31/05/2023 18:57

OP, I live in Milan (short train ride from Como). I have time and plenty of money for activities. If you are around tomorrow or Monday let me know and I can take you out

MN at its best 😊 Go for it OP

ColdHandsHotHead · 31/05/2023 19:00

Do exactly what you want. Plan what you're going to do each day, tell her where you're going, when you plan to eat, and ask if she wants to come along. If she doesn't, that's her decision. Have the holiday you want. You'll be fine on your own.

I had a similar experience to you, friend had brought about £30 a day for a holiday in France and didn't even want to spend that because she wanted to get her boyfriend a gift. We ate out together and she complained about the food, how much it cost, what was on the menu, everything. I stopped negotiating spending £5 on the entry to a castle or art gallery, and instead let her do her own thing.

She split up with the boyfriend about a fortnight after she got home too.

towriteyoumustlive · 31/05/2023 19:01

She has 5 Euros left for dinner?!?! I hope she isn't going to order just a salad then start taking stuff off your plate!?!

You're going to need to speak to her, as this isn't fair. I'd tell her you appreciate she is trying to budget but this is your ONLY holiday so you're going to do what you planned, and it's up to her if she comes or not.

TwittleTwafdle · 31/05/2023 19:01

I could spend €100 a day by lunchtime. A nice breakfast and a couple of coffees, a mid morning cake or snack and an entrance fee to a tourist place...

And I'm not extravagant.

Just agree to pay for what you each have. I wouldn't then go and order steak and lobster - but I wouldn't feel I couldn't order a cocktail or two even if my friend was on tap water.

rookiemere · 31/05/2023 19:04

@Cakeandcardio " I can't imagine she will enjoy the next holiday more when the bf is mooching off her."

Too true - it will serve her right to get a taste of her own medicine.

It is so disappointing though, particularly as you have holidayed successfully together before.

I had a sort of similar thing with friend last year. She had a lot of stuff going on and I had booked us a 2 room thing to share for a group holiday.The whole point of the trip location was to eat at the hotel as some of the group had been there before. But she complained about the cost of everything including the room - I thought I'd split it more than fairly as I was in the bigger room. I let her know all the costs of everything on email in advance so it shouldn't have been a surprise.The last night she made a real point of choosing a very cheap restaurant.

Now I know I will only book separate accommodation if we go away as I won't put myself in that position again, but I am giving her some leeway as I know a lot of things were going on for her in the background.

ChrisPPancake · 31/05/2023 19:05

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:36

Got here last night, had breakfast today which we both had for 10 euro, ice cream and cocktail at lunch which I paid for and then she started with the “I don’t wanna go, don’t wanna pay etc” when we talked about planning the days ahead.

We were going to do this boat tour today but didn’t as she no longer wanted to, so we’ve been walking around most of the day. She has bought one coke so spent her 15 leaving her 5 of her budget for dinner. It’s half six here so we will be going out to look for somewhere to eat shortly and it’ll begin again.

I’m probably finding it harder as my friend isn’t normally like this- it’s as if she’s been blinded by love and nothing else longer matters.

Show quote history

Is the boat tour running tomorrow? If so, just tell her you're going. You shouldn't miss out on stuff you want to do because she's tight fisted.

Starseeking · 31/05/2023 19:09

Jagoda · 31/05/2023 17:05

Take yourself off for the day and do all the things you want to do. She sounds like shitty company and its really rude to say she prefers to spend when with boyfriend rather than you.

I would do this too. I really regret not doing this on a holiday where an ex-friend just wanted a body (i.e. me) to drag round all the places she wanted to go, and wouldn't even go to one place I wanted to visit.

Due to her selfish behaviour the friendship was over by the time we returned home, so I really should have just started doing my own thing mid-way through.

UncleHerbie · 31/05/2023 19:11

Friend’s son rented an apartment in Barcelona for the summer and treated her to a long weekend break to which she took a friend. First of all rather than buy food, over the course of the weekend the friend ate everything left in the fridge that the son had bought (long expiry dates), refused to buy meals (endeavoured to spend less than 5 euro daily), survived on crisp breads she’d taken with her and refilled her water bottle from the fridge (fair enough). However, my friend still went for meals, accompanied by the friend, who “jokingly” called her a little piggy for eating out on holiday. After I stopped laughing I thought WTAF. I felt my friend’s pain and feel yours

BlackFlyChardonnay · 31/05/2023 19:12

Don't let her ruin your trip. And please stop bankrolling her.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 31/05/2023 19:13

Do not pay for anything else. Order what you want without guilt and still go on day trips! Do not let her ruin your holiday. Ask once olif she would like to join then go anyway.

behaveasbefitsthesituationwillyas · 31/05/2023 19:14

Don't buy her anything! She's taking advantage of you so that she can save her money.

Bonbon21 · 31/05/2023 19:15

I would be pointing out that you have been friends for 10 years... the boyfriend has been around for 5 minutes.
At this rate she will be lucky if you are around when she gets back from her 'BIG' holiday..
He is just a man for gods sake... there will another one alone later....

Cerealkillerontheloose · 31/05/2023 19:18

Just go. Say I’m going to do and so and go

end of. It’s disappointing that she’s not doing it too but you only live once. Go be free!!!

Tinkerbyebye · 31/05/2023 19:19

If you want to go on the boat do it tell her you are going and will meet her later. Same with anything else
go out for a meal say separate bills and you have what you want.