Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends tightness ruining holiday.

281 replies

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:02

On holiday with a close friend, been friends for over 10 years. Sharing a room for three nights but self catering so have to buy all our food/drinks. We’ve been on holiday together before no issues.

However, friend has recently got into a relationship and is going away with her boyfriend also on holiday in 3 weeks. She is refusing to spend any money on the trip we are currently on and I’m finding it a bit of a downer.

We had planned where we were going to go (tourist attractions) and restaurants to eat at and as this will be my only trip this year I was looking forward to it, but now we are here she’s constantly saying “oh I’m not sure I want to go there now and I don’t want to spend money on that as I’m saving for next holiday”

I wasn’t looking for a really expensive trip but just a few mid price restaurants and the odd cocktail. Id budgeted 100 euros a day and that seemed ok. Friend has brought the same but isn’t willing to spend id say more than 15/20. I have been buying her most things such as an ice cream, or a cocktail but I’m getting a bit annoyed now that she’s “saving” while I’m spending on her so I’ve stopped.

OP posts:
ActDottie · 31/05/2023 17:54

shes So rude!!!! Clearly letting you know your second to her partner… and this holiday doesn’t really matter!

shivawn · 31/05/2023 17:55

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:23

For those saying 100 euros a day is a lot, that is for travel (buses, water taxi) along with meals, entry to places to visit, alcohol and a bit of an emergency buffer too.

For reference, a coke at a cafe here earlier was 5 euros.

It's a completely normal budget for your destination, slightly on the lower side if anything. You're getting some ridiculous comments here.

Fandabedodgy · 31/05/2023 17:55

You need to tell her how you feel.

Poppyblush · 31/05/2023 17:57

Ditch her and do what you want. Tell her how you feel.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/05/2023 17:58

I think maybe you need to be a bit blunt, @Holytortilla. The next time she starts with the “I don’t wanna do that, I want to save for my holiday with X”, just say - “Brenda - you do realise this is my only holiday this year, don’t you - and I would like to enjoy it. I’m not going to sit around doing nothing, squeezing every penny until it squeaks, and having a miserable time so that you can treat X to stuff on holiday!”

ThereIbledit · 31/05/2023 17:58
  1. Talk to her about it
  2. DEFINITELY go by yourself on those trips, get the cocktail for yourself. STOP buying her shit, it's not like she doesns't have the money, that would be different. IF she says no to an icecream, shrug and get yourself a big one. She doesn't want to go on the boat trip that you were both so excited about? Okay well I want to go on it, hope you have a lovely day, see you later on!
Blueblell · 31/05/2023 17:59

That would really annoy me! I would say look I want to do so and so today - this is my only holiday. I would love you to come but if not I am going to do it and go and enjoy yourself.

Nothing wrong with sitting in a nice restaurant on your own drinking cocktails. I would love it and make the most of it!

zurala · 31/05/2023 17:59

Talk to her!

Friend, I'm really pissed off. We organised this dream trip together and it's my only holiday, but now you won't do anything and I have to either not do anything as well, or do it on my own but I want to do things with you like we planned. You're being really out of order, and I'm not happy"

Then take it from there. She's being utterly selfish and I would end up in a row about it to be honest. I wouldn't enjoy doing the activities on my own so if she wouldn't honour the agreed plan it would ruin my holiday.

GasPanic · 31/05/2023 18:01

I suspect she is behaving like this because she planned this holdiday before the relationship one, really didn't want to go on it and now the fact she has two holidays means she's going to be completely skint.

It's not only possible that she doesn't want to spend the money - it's also possible that she actually can't !

I would tell her that maybe its better you split for the day because there is stuff you want to do. Then she can be tight and you can enjoy yourself.

I suspect you won't be going on holiday with her next year. Unless she splits up with her boyfriend that is.

SnugAsA · 31/05/2023 18:02

The only answer is to tell her at least some version of how you feel. You're going to do XYZ, and she's welcome to join if she wants. Or she can find something else to do and you can meet up afterwards. It only works if you're willing to do things on your own, of course... Maybe she can spend some time looking for cheap/free things to do besides walking around, because that will get old very quickly.

EverythingsCominUpMilhouse · 31/05/2023 18:02

Oh gosh Lake Como is so beautiful as well and so many things to do.

I agree with PP, can you book yourself a little day trip on the boat and she can just lounge about somewhere? It's really selfish of her to behave this way. I'd be pissed off and upset at her.

You're so kind buying her the cocktail and ice cream, but I wouldn't bother doing that any more. She has her money, she's choosing to save it for her and her out of work bf. She hasn't given any consideration to you, so I wouldn't be giving her anymore of your consideration. Do what you'd like to do for the rest of the holiday, it's crap she won't be there with you but don't let that stop you.

MrsMitford3 · 31/05/2023 18:03

Have you told her how you're feeling like you have told us here?

Is there any chance of knocking some sense in to her with some blunt home truths?

I know it is hard but try not to let her such the joy out of it for you-I think you should go ahead and take that boat trip on your own!

bluebunny1 · 31/05/2023 18:04

OP, I live in Milan (short train ride from Como). I have time and plenty of money for activities. If you are around tomorrow or Monday let me know and I can take you out.

Beautiful3 · 31/05/2023 18:05

There's nothing wrong with what you're doing except atop buying her drinks and icecreams! She has money. If she wants to be miserable then that's up to her.

SamW98 · 31/05/2023 18:07

MrsLifeisnotabowlofcherries4 · 31/05/2023 17:27

Years ago when I was 18 I went away with my so called best friend to Spain and all she talked about and thought about was her new boyfriend Derek and wouldn't go or do anything while we were away and to crown it all he was waiting for her at the airport. I can understand how upset you are.

I had same thing - she phoned him several times a day (from a pay phone this was in late 80’s) and only went out twice in the evening because she didn’t feel it was right to be partying when Dave was sat at home.
Luckily we were in a young resort so ended up going out with another group of girls but she definitely put a downer on the whole trip.

And when we got home, Dave dumped her

DappledThings · 31/05/2023 18:08

Definitely don't let this ruin your holiday. I'd say the friendship is already very damaged, so don't hold back from saying you want to do for a nice dinner and go and enjoy yourself. If she wants to sit in the room and eat crackers let her do that. She might wise up.

WiddlinDiddlin · 31/05/2023 18:08

Tell her!

If shes a friend then bloody tell her:

'Look mate, I know you want to save some money and not go wild BUT, this is MY holiday to and I'm buggered if I am missing out on stuff I planned and saved for, because you've changed the fucking goalposts. I'll be doing the planned stuff with or without you, so make your mind up if you're joining me or not!'.

PinkStarAtNight · 31/05/2023 18:09

Holytortilla · 31/05/2023 17:36

Got here last night, had breakfast today which we both had for 10 euro, ice cream and cocktail at lunch which I paid for and then she started with the “I don’t wanna go, don’t wanna pay etc” when we talked about planning the days ahead.

We were going to do this boat tour today but didn’t as she no longer wanted to, so we’ve been walking around most of the day. She has bought one coke so spent her 15 leaving her 5 of her budget for dinner. It’s half six here so we will be going out to look for somewhere to eat shortly and it’ll begin again.

I’m probably finding it harder as my friend isn’t normally like this- it’s as if she’s been blinded by love and nothing else longer matters.

Show quote history

You need to tell her you will still be going to the attractions/activities even if she no longer wants to go. It's a bit shit to have to do it all on your own and she's being very inconsiderate but I'd still do everything alone because if you don't she has literally stopped you from doing things you had planned to do.

Just to clarify, when you paid for cocktail and ice cream today did she ask you to or did you just offer to do that because you sensed she had no money? Definitely do not do that again!

Giving herself 20 euro to spend per day is ridiculous, you won't be able to do anything. She can't seriously be planning to buy dinner for 5 euro??? Definitely do not be tempted to buy her dinner! Go somewhere by yourself if necessary.

People having different budgets is one thing, that's fine - some people like to splash out some people don't. But her saying she only has 5 euro for dinner is just silly and not workable.

You need to stand up for yourself here. There's still some holiday left to salvage a little bit. Make it clear from tonight that you will be going off by yourself tomorrow to do all the things you want to do. You could even suggest that you could have dinner separately. She's being rude and inconsiderate towards you and clearly doesn't value this holiday with you so there's no reason to worry about offending her. I know its easier said than done and I'd try find a polite way to phrase all this, but I'd not be subsidising her or missing out on things I wanted to do.

I'm interested to know whether she's actually asking you to pay for her stuff, or making you feel as if you have to. If you're just insisting on buying her things when she hasn't asked then that's nice of you but I would stop it right now!

SamW98 · 31/05/2023 18:09

OP - I know it’s not what you planned but I’m your position I’d think sod her and if do the tourist stuff on my own. Leave her to pine over her fella in the room, get out and be a tourist. You’ll probably get to chat to others if you want to.

BlondeFool · 31/05/2023 18:09

That's so unbelievably rude. I'd go off and do my own thing.

MrsR87 · 31/05/2023 18:10

Posters that are saying 100 euros a day is a lot and you’re expecting too much are being harsh. We were in Sicily in 2012 and even then cocktails were between 15-20 euros and ice creams were 5-10 euros. I know it’s not the same destination but these things soon add up if yours eating even just one meal out and paying for drinks and things to do all day.

I think her attitude has already ruined the holiday for you so you need to make the most of it yourself. Tell her where you’re going for dinner tonight. If she complains simply tell her it’s your only break this year in a bucket list destination and that’s where you’re going. She’s welcome to join you but if not you’ll catch her later. Take a good book or your kindle and enjoy your own company. I lived on my own in Europe for a year and often ate out and did similar and it’s surprising how relaxing it is!

Takoneko · 31/05/2023 18:10

GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:20

100 euros a day? I take it you’re on Room Only basis and you like a cocktail or 6?!

The OP says in her first paragraph that they are room only. €100 Euro per day is hardly an extravagant budget for all activities, transport, food and drink. If a coke is €5 then you’re not having a “cocktail or 6” and slap-up meals on that budget.

I went to what’s generally considered to be a modestly priced chain restaurant in London this week for lunch. I had one cocktail and a main course. It came to £32 with the service charge.

I have a budget of £100 per day for a trip I am taking next year and that feels like quite a tight budget in a place where food is significantly cheaper than somewhere like Lake Como and I will not be doing cocktails every day within that budget. If you want to do activities, boat trips, museums, attractions etc. it adds up quickly.

CreepingJenny · 31/05/2023 18:10

Jagoda · 31/05/2023 17:05

Take yourself off for the day and do all the things you want to do. She sounds like shitty company and its really rude to say she prefers to spend when with boyfriend rather than you.

This!

ALongHardWinter · 31/05/2023 18:10

How rude! Of her I mean,not you!

OriginalUsername2 · 31/05/2023 18:12

You need to say this to her now or the resentment will build and ruin your friendship.