Or is Mansplaining getting worse?

[PaperwhiteTheGhost]

Filling up my car screen wash on my driveway. No hose or outside tap at the front so I'm using a big watering can.

Random man: you know that's a watering can right? It's for watering plants. You can put a nozzle on the end to make it sprinkle the water out.

Me: Umm. Yes. I do know.

RM: It's not actually for filling up the car.

Me: Yes. I know. I also use it in the garden.

RM: You can use a hose to fill up the car.

Me: I know, but I don't have an outside tap, so I used this to move water from inside my house to outside. Because its a water moving receptacle.

RM: It wasn't made for filling up the car though.

Me: ........

RM: Hurumpf.

And off he wanders.

I mean.... what!?

I was going to comment the same re screen wash.I've never just used water for over 20 years. In my first ever car I did until the first winter when the screen wash kept freezing so I bought screen wash which has a de-over and never used anything else!

So I learned a while ago, when someone mansplains something to you, to reply to them like they are a toddler

“that’s right, good job!”
“Wow you’re so smart, well done!”

you can also try things like

”good to see we’re on the same page”
”that’s almost right”

personally I would have asked him to break down the purpose of a watering can, oh it’s for watering flowers? And how does it do that, it pours from the spout? So you fill it with water and you pour it out from here? Wow, I wonder what thought process I went through to come to the conclusion that it was a suitable tool for the job at hand…

it’s so infuriating when men feel the need to mansplain or offer unsolicited advice, so have some fun with it 😂

You can get concentrated screen wash.

We tend to use the concentrated screen wash neat in the winter, and then dilute it with water in the summer when there’s no need to worry about it freezing.

I worked in a blokey bloke bloke environment for years. I just had to turn into a complete bitch and respond to their comments with "I don't care what you think" and "Fuck off". They looked all hurt and said Oooh no need to be like that. But they then left me alone and kept their mouth shut. It was also good to put earphones in and play loud music.

Maybe he was lonely or just trying to help. Telling him to piss off is a bit extreme. My grandad would take the can off u and say that's man's work and fill it up.

He was having a joke either you in the beginning, but you not getting that and answering seriously,turned rhe situation weird!

It's not the job of WOMEN to entertain and occupy lonely men who are desperate for chat, and who try to mansplain shit that women already know.

No woman owes any man anything. Not any attention, not any chat, not any smiles, not a single word. But they ARE entitled to tell them to do one if they give their unsolicited, unwanted, patronising opinions and views and unwarranted 'help,' especially when she has not ASKED for it, and does not NEED it.

Any man - grandad age or not - who took anything off me and said 'that's MAN's work!'-would be pulling back a hand with seriously smarting fingers. Absolute cheek. Grabbing something off a woman and saying 'MAN'S WORK!' and doing it for her. How breathtakingly patronising and arrogant! I would be disgusted if any man in my family ever did that, and would put him firmly in his place.

Your sooo angry. Missing my point totally. My grandad would of seen it as being gentlemanly. Not patronising. So sad there's awful vulgar people in this world that cant just say hey thank you and move on minus the burning of bra ceremony

Oh dear.

@SweetBirdsong hear hear!

😎

😂

Oh dear. And... would of should of could of.

I have to be honest and admit I don't know how telling someone something they already know/are more expert in came to be known as mansplaining because as a man I haven't had a particularly different experience with some women, especially after I became a father. I've even had women at the office who for various reasons cannot give good advice (e.g. they live nowhere near me, they're children are long grown up, they haven't had children yet etc) telling me what I should do to entertain the children at the weekend, as though I wouldn't have a clue what they would like to do myself? I've even got an ex-MiL who by all accounts wasn't the nicest to her own children telling me I need strict discipline (the kind that would get teachers sacked!) as if she automatically knows my children better than me. Obviously, that also extends to the way primary school teachers relate to me (primary schools really need to do something about their lack of gender diversity in the same way other professions have).

Perhaps men are more inclined to do this, I don't know. My father is terrible for it admittedly. He always knows best about everything and will disagree with just about any expert in any field! However, I still don't see it as a uniquely male trait and it's definitely not a female only experience to deal with people like this. At work, if I made a list of the worst offenders, it would be a pretty gender neutral list too. I guess I put that down to the simple idiom that other people's problems are always easier to solve than your own?

Perhaps men are more inclined to do this, I don't know.
Try googling it to learn more.

@BetterFuture1985 Well, actually, men are much more inclined to do this. Lots of links here.

"You can get concentrated screen wash.

We tend to use the concentrated screen wash neat in the winter, and then dilute it with water in the summer when there’s no need to worry about it freezing."

I agree. I always buy concentrated screen wash - much better value for money and can adjust the strength as needed.

Oh now I'm worried, I live with a family member who does that literally constantly, I drew a rectangle with marker pen on a box about half an hour ago then got the scissors and started cutting around and he was saying "cut along here" and "stop when you get to the end" and literally I just wanted to say I know how to cut along a line I just drew.

He is 3 1/2 years old though, but clearly the instinct is strong from an early age. He just talks to me how everyone else talks to him I think!

Y'know women dont owe men shit all.

It's not our job to pander to their delusions. Or make conversation or let then do it for us.

We are people in our own right, we get to choose who to and when to talk, take advice, accept help (after we asked for help)
I cannot imagine if someone took a thing off me and told me it's a mans job, i would be livid. How fucking patronising is that.

I never come across all the rude, odd people that many Mumsnetters seem to encounter

But this is just one study looking at mansplaining specifically. It doesn't address the phenomenon of talking down to someone more broadly.

I work in a profession that is quite female dominated (the ratio in my last team of 11 was 9:2 women to men, I'm inbetween starting a job in a more diverse team so will report back!) but this kind of behaviour was still very common within my team and especially from two women in particular. One was the manager, an older woman who like a lot of that "late boomer" age group always think they know best (bit like my father). The other closer to my age and extremely confident in their own abilities but to the point of bullying co-workers around to her way of thinking.

Similarly, a lot of the sexist attitudes that exist in workplaces didn't go away because the team was female dominated. If anything, it was one of the most women unfriendly environments I've ever worked in. People feeling sick were always "faking it," people who got pregnant "just wanted maternity leave" etc. Quite shocking really.

But this is just one study looking at mansplaining specifically. It doesn't address the phenomenon of talking down to someone more broadly.
Here's the key paragraph:
"We were particularly interested in knowing whether the “man” part of mansplaining was appropriate. As such, we asked people of all genders to report on the behaviours we associated with mansplaining and didn’t specifically ask respondents about mansplaining itself. ... Nearly every individual in our study, regardless of gender, experienced at least one of the mansplaining behaviours. However, women and gender minority employees experienced a wider range of the characteristic behaviours and experienced them much more often." https://theconversation.com/well-actually-mansplaining-is-a-problem-in-the-workplace-195539

You have openly declared that you do not know the facts. That's fine, but again, I'd recommend trying to learn some facts before taking part in the discussion.

@BetterFuture1985 The study didn't use the term "mansplaining," it asked about patronising behaviour in general. It found that in general men were much more likely to be the culprits, and women the victims.

If you were to observe an all-female workplace, any "uncivil" behaviour would obviously come from women (and the same with all male). Neither of those situations gives good data. As it happens, my workplace is almost exactly 50-50, and most (but not all) of the patronising behaviour I observe is from men, towards women. It is a problem.

Now you're trying to explain down to me without a full grasp of the facts yourself.

All your study proved was that women and ethnic minorities were talked down to more. If you look, it doesn't actually say who the perpetrators were.

Cross-post with @80s