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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think hen parties are ridiculous shite?

163 replies

Bowbowbo · 31/05/2023 09:33

Ok I’m 60 so my experience of the current generation’s hen parties is via my DDs and their friends, but - what the hell? Complicated, expensive, time-consuming, anxiety-inducing excuses for displays of passive agression, selfishness and unkindness, and that’s just in the planning stages! Surely grown women have better things to do?

OP posts:
BMrs · 31/05/2023 09:34

I've just got back from a hen and had the most fantastic time. Met some wonderful women and was fab from start to finish.

Not sure what hens your daughters have been on but I've only ever been on one not so great one.

portugalq · 31/05/2023 09:34

Agree

Gymmum82 · 31/05/2023 09:37

I don’t like them. They are always very expensive for what is usually a not very fun experience.
The best ones have just been a meal and drinks afterwards. But I hate forced fun so maybe I’m just a misery.
I do always find it odd when the brides 60 + something mum/aunty/granny is invited too. It should just be for the bride and friends in my opinion.

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 31/05/2023 09:37

Have been to a few hens in my time and they can be a mixed bag. I haven't been to a big expensive one though. All mine have been one day type events which I prefer. Don't like spending the night with people I don't know, but that's a very personal preference/issue.

stbrandonsboat · 31/05/2023 09:37

I always see them as a kind of primal display of the pecking order amongst mean girl type females. Like the dominant female monkeys who duff up any rivals in order to remain top breeding female.

JamSandle · 31/05/2023 09:37

I go if its for a close friend but they're not for me.

JorisBonson · 31/05/2023 09:38

I love hen dos, and weddings, which makes me a minority on MN.

PinkFootstool · 31/05/2023 09:41

It depends on the do. Mine was very low key and inexpensive and I paid for myself - my best mate was skint and I didn't want to put pressure on her or anyone else over a few drinks.

I've been to great fun ones - clay pigeon shooting was probably my favourite. The worst was a very expensive fancy house rented out for the weekend, megabucks per head, posh dinners and I had a massive migraine so missed all of the Saturday and stayed in bed at the venue and the girls gave me shit for it.

Marsyas · 31/05/2023 09:42

Gymmum82 · 31/05/2023 09:37

I don’t like them. They are always very expensive for what is usually a not very fun experience.
The best ones have just been a meal and drinks afterwards. But I hate forced fun so maybe I’m just a misery.
I do always find it odd when the brides 60 + something mum/aunty/granny is invited too. It should just be for the bride and friends in my opinion.

I’m not a massive fan of the over complicated hen “weekend” but I don’t agree that mother’s, aunts etc shouldn’t be invited. I always thought they were for all the women who are coming to the wedding who would like to come. I was quite shocked when my sister didn’t invite our cousins or aunts.

AverageJoan · 31/05/2023 09:42

It depends on the people planning/hosting. I've been on plenty, all with a variety of differing activities, and had a great time at each

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 31/05/2023 09:44

I know this mostly women heavy site, but it’s funny how it’s always hen do’s that are awful, silly, selfish, too much….

Do men think the same about stag do’s?

onlyamam · 31/05/2023 09:45

Depends on the hen! They don't necessarily have to be expensive or full of inflatable willies. Unless that's your thing, in which case crack on and enjoy.

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 31/05/2023 09:48

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 31/05/2023 09:44

I know this mostly women heavy site, but it’s funny how it’s always hen do’s that are awful, silly, selfish, too much….

Do men think the same about stag do’s?

I'm sure they do tbh. I know my DH hates the nightclub portion of stags. My dbro isn't a fan either. But I think it totally depends on the hen / stag. Some parts are great

Wishawisha · 31/05/2023 09:49

I’ve never been on one that involved overnights luckily.
Some of my friends (and I) opted out entirely. Others did things like a spa day (locally to most of us) followed by drinks. So that was all quite nice and fine.

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 09:50

So something you've never actually experiences?

Personally I like my friends so no I don't find hen parties anything like the awful experience you're claiming.
Everyone I associate myself with is a nice normal human, so planning a dinner out or a night away or even a holiday is a fun experience and not some chore. There is no fighting, no passive aggressiveness, no unkindness.

Maybe your DD needs to be friends with better people.

Sunshineandflipflops · 31/05/2023 09:51

I've only ever been to ones for very close friends and fortunately my close friends haven't felt the need for that kind of hen do (which is one of the reasons we are good friends I guess). I have declined any that I knew I wouldn't enjoy/were too expensive.

greennotepad · 31/05/2023 09:52

Writing a post on the internet to slag off something that is unlikely to ever effect you- surely grown women have better things to do?

Hbh17 · 31/05/2023 09:53

I have never been on a hen party (inc when I got married) and I thank my lucky stars for that. To be honest, I really dislike all-female group events at the best of times and I'm now way too old to ever be invited on one!

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 09:53

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 31/05/2023 09:44

I know this mostly women heavy site, but it’s funny how it’s always hen do’s that are awful, silly, selfish, too much….

Do men think the same about stag do’s?

Its misogyny at it's finest and unfortunately women can be some of the worst offenders.
A hen party is just a group of women really, it can range from an afternoon out for tea, a night away, activities etc.
Of course women are always catty, and always selfish, and can't possibly be friends in groups and have a nice time without men to diffuse the dynamic.

The people who hate hens tend to fall into two camp, those who apparently would never spend 2p on an outing with friends or the 'i'm not like other girls' ones. YAWN.

Gymmum82 · 31/05/2023 09:53

@Marsyas all the ones I’ve ever been on have been a lot of drinking and it’s just felt odd getting pissed with someone’s granny who looked like she’d rather be anywhere else

Bromptotoo · 31/05/2023 09:54

OP pretty much captures my view of Stag Nights...

Peacepudding · 31/05/2023 09:54

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 31/05/2023 09:44

I know this mostly women heavy site, but it’s funny how it’s always hen do’s that are awful, silly, selfish, too much….

Do men think the same about stag do’s?

Some men do. When we got married DH had a "hag" do as he wanted both his male and female friends there.

mondaytosunday · 31/05/2023 09:55

Depends though...
For my wedding I just did a nice meal at a restaurant the night before. It wasn't so much a hen do as it was only far people who had travelled far to attend.
If your talking about drunk women tottering around with banners across their chests and mini veils on yes my idea of hell (or super expensive weekends abroad where you have to take part in silly games).

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 09:55

greennotepad · 31/05/2023 09:52

Writing a post on the internet to slag off something that is unlikely to ever effect you- surely grown women have better things to do?

Complaining that grown women should have better things to do while ranting on the internet about women 30 plus years her junior.

Wishawisha · 31/05/2023 09:56

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 31/05/2023 09:44

I know this mostly women heavy site, but it’s funny how it’s always hen do’s that are awful, silly, selfish, too much….

Do men think the same about stag do’s?

I don’t know if it’s because there’s a difference between my set of friends and DH’s set of friends but the ones I’ve been to have been local - spa, restaurant, dinner etc - but the ones DH has been invited to have been big things abroad. Lots of forced fun activities, heavy drinking for 3 days etc.

He doesn’t enjoy them and has said no to the last 5 or so. More and more of his friends are opting out too. We both thought fair enough when it was the first or second friend to get married and everyone was in their twenties and had disposable money and plenty of time. As everyone is now older and mostly settled down it’s a much bigger imposition.

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