To think hen parties are ridiculous shite?

[Bowbowbo]

Ok I’m 60 so my experience of the current generation’s hen parties is via my DDs and their friends, but - what the hell? Complicated, expensive, time-consuming, anxiety-inducing excuses for displays of passive agression, selfishness and unkindness, and that’s just in the planning stages! Surely grown women have better things to do?

I've had a brilliant time at most of the ones I've been on

I like my friends and they're not selfish idiots!

They have been a mix of partying, spas, relaxed meals, holidays and the main aim was for wedding

I agree

Posted too soon!

Wedding guests to get to know each other so the wedding itself was easier for all to enjoy!

I've been on some great hen nights, and met lovely new people. I don't think I've ever been on one which wasn't fun.

They are just like any other party, a chance to get together with friends. Like any party it can be fun, or occasionally it's not that enjoyable for whatever reason.

I suppose we don't have to ever celebrate anything or meet friends ever, we could just stay at home. Maybe we shouldn't even have friends, what's the point. And definitely shouldn't post on forums, someone might make a joke and make you laugh - yikes!

Maybe you’ve been unlucky with the people you’ve gone on them with?

I’ve just had mine and it was amazing. We did things everyone enjoyed we kept ourselves to ourselves and everyone said it was really well organised (can’t take credit for that, bridesmaids did it all).

I've gone on the opposite journey to OP in my opinion of hens nights, birthdays and similar events. As I've got older, I've come to really appreciate these events. Because I've realised that life is short, it's to enjoyed, and friendships won't always just "be there" - you have to cultivate them. Spending an evening with friends is a precious thing. As people get older, more busy, move away, have health problems, etc, these meets ups get further and further apart.

The thing I hate about hen dos is the 'let's have a colour theme / dress up / buy matching pjs etc etc that I just dont enjoy and is a massive waste of money, in my opinion and all the silly games. If truth or dare was so much fun, people would play it outside these events.

I might be a miserable bastard though because I also hate karaoke, spa days, and pole dancing lessons, which I've also been subjected to on hen dos. I've been on a couple of stag dos and I much preferred the lower key bar crawl, wearing what you want, and the outdoors type activities like clay pigeon shooting, and lack of 'fun games' and over-organisation.

Depends on the hen doesn't it? I wasn't especially bothered for one but in the end went for lunch and then the pub locally with half a dozen friends. It wasn't complicated, time-consuming or expensive, and I hope it didn't induce anxiety in anyone.

A hens night should be some drinks at a bar. Or at home.

Something that cost no more than an ordinary night out in the pub

Not something that you need to use your annual leave for and spend 300pounds on.

Women who want luxurious hens weekend are the ones who are selfish and Self-absorbed and only want the insta worthy weddings etc.

Its rediculous

Also I can see it could be fun if you had a solid consistent group of friends that all had similar interests. But my friends, and their friends friends are all separate. We all moved after school and now we all have school friends, uni friends, work friends, mum friends, other random friends...and no one knows each other and everyone has different interests and budgets. So on most hen dos I've been on, people only know one other person and end up doing activities they're really not that keen on

the worst one I went to was an Ann Summers party where we had to play ridiculous games all evening, as well as bring something for the buffet and the bride to be wouldn’t let anyone leave until they had completed an order form (had a feeling they had to meet a min sales target or cover cost of party host? I have no idea). I was bloody pissed off, ordered a shitty overpriced keyring that went straight in the bin when it finally arrived.

Presumably you don't make overarching generalisations about other types of celebrations?

E.g "all weddings are shite" "Christmas is a waste of time" "I've never been to a fun birthday party" "bar mitzvahs are a rip off?" Etc? particularly if in your case it seems to be a case of "I've never actually been to [a festival] but they sound awful"

So saying the same about hens (particularly when you haven't had any direct experience of what you're complaining about!) is a bit weird!

Some are complete rip offs that are too expensive and designed around activities you'd never normally want to do, others are great opportunities to catch up with your friends and make new ones while celebrating something that's important to said friends, getting a break away and having a laugh.

Same as anything else!

If your daughters have never enjoyed any of the hens they've been on perhaps they should get better friends?

Thanks, I’m hosting actually so am definitely invited!. Have you been the person responsible for organising a big one eg deciding on format, scheduling, booking, paying? Or do you just turn up and have fun?

This is what I’m struggling with - the organising is just a bit overblown and emotionally very draining. When I suggest scaling it back I get blank stares.

Actually, this thread is a really interesting insight into why hen dos are apparently so horrid for many women. So many women have posted on this thread not to simply say “I don’t personally enjoy hen dos / don’t have a lot of spare cash for these things / don’t really enjoy socialising with people I don’t know well - so I usually give my apologies”, all of which is perfectly normal and reasonable; but to be purposefully spiteful, snide and bitchy towards other women, including ones they don’t even know: “hen dos are like monkey pecking orders / women who have them are vain and self-absorbed / surely grown women have better things to do / they’re for stupid vacuous women so they can show off on Instagram.”

I’m beginning to see why there have been so many negative experiences of hen dos – the women posting that sort of stuff are the catty, unpleasant women many of you have had the misfortune to end up on a hen do with!

Depends on the hen doesn't it? I wasn't especially bothered for one but in the end went for lunch and then the pub locally with half a dozen friends. It wasn't complicated, time-consuming or expensive, and I hope it didn't induce anxiety in anyone

Similar. Met a few friends at a local pub late afternoon. Had a few drinks and dinner. The only organisation required from me was getting a day they were all free and putting some drinks money behind the bar. It was something we didn't usually get to do and it felt really special.

Hang on, so you are the organiser but you aren't happy with what you have organised? You're the organiser, change it?!

If you are in your 60s, no one will be expecting a hens night along the lines of one your (I guessing) 20s/30s aged dd has been to. Book a table at a restaurant and call it a day.

Disagree with this, my hen do was a meal and drinks and I had a brilliant time. Felt really special and my bridesmaids made me feel really special. Also had an overnight at a spa resort with my bridesmaids, my mum, mother in law and sister in law. Had such an amazing time as did the others. I have enjoyed other hen dos I've attended

I've been on some amazing hen nights and weekends, and no terrible ones. I do prefer the one day and night ones, rather than the ones that get overly complex with different locations over a 3 day weekend. I also dread to think how much I have spent on these things over the years.

Why on earth are you organising your daugher's friend's hen...?

my hen was bloody brilliant and so have all my friends and my sisters!!

I don't have any friends who plan stupid things though and wouldn't go to one i wasn't interested in.

We all got tickets for a music festival for mine and has the best weekend.

It’s just not my thing at all. For my own “hen night”- I stayed home with my sisters and ordered dinner. But then, I don’t really like nights out and hate the idea of a weekend away with anyone other than DH/kids. I’m a bit awkward though.

@Bowbowbo how on earth did you get landed with that ? Are you actaully friends with the bride ? Are you a bridesmaid? Its normally close friends or MOH that arrange it and usually (sorry in advance) closer age group ?

Good question! I thought it would be fun I guess, am beginning to regret that decision!

I once had to listen to a newlywed game type thing about the bride's favourite sex position with her new in-laws, grandmothers, great aunts etc. I was the groom's cousin. It was all very strange.

I don't binge drink, so my experience of hen dos is that people become their worst selves and either vomit profusely or have a crying fit and sometimes both.