Page 5 | To think hen parties are ridiculous shite?

LuckySantangelo35 · 31/05/2023 11:59

wingingit1987 · 31/05/2023 11:48

It’s just not my thing at all. For my own “hen night”- I stayed home with my sisters and ordered dinner. But then, I don’t really like nights out and hate the idea of a weekend away with anyone other than DH/kids. I’m a bit awkward though.

@wingingit1987

why do you hate the idea of a weekend away with anyone other than your husband and kids?

Cuppaand2biscuits · 31/05/2023 12:00

Completely agree, so complicated and expensive.
2 of my work colleagues have recently been involved in separate hen do's for different brides.
Both involved overnight weekends away, one overseas. As well as more a local night out for those who didn't go on the weekend away.
One went to 2 Spa days for the same bride! Madness!

Original poster

Bowbowbo · 31/05/2023 12:00

Wexone · 31/05/2023 11:53

@Bowbowbo how on earth did you get landed with that ? Are you actaully friends with the bride ? Are you a bridesmaid? Its normally close friends or MOH that arrange it and usually (sorry in advance) closer age group ?

Yes I’m friends with the bride and most of the women coming, they’re all lovely individually, I’m just getting a bit worried about how the group dynamic will turn out.

Obviously my OP was a stupid generalisation made in the heat of the moment. if people have fun on hens and they increase the love in the world then crack on.

I didn’t bother with a hen when I married as I was literally too busy with my career to spend any time on anything except turning up to the wedding and going on a month long honeymoon. My friends were the same.

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Ponoka7 · 31/05/2023 12:02

I think the issue is you aren't organising something for a close friend (which is the norm as either a sister or chief bridesmaid/MOH does it). Life has changed, holidays abroad are usual, as is eating out, so what used to cut it for a hen, doesn't anymore. I used to love them (I'm 55), my DD's do, it's a nice excuse to ditch the kids and get away. No-one has to attend. If you are experiencing what you described then the issue is with that particular guest list and false friends. What did you mean that 'grown women have better things to do'?

Ponoka7 · 31/05/2023 12:04

"I didn’t bother with a hen when I married as I was literally too busy with my career to spend any time on anything except turning up to the wedding and going on a month long honeymoon"

A month off work is a massive luxury most people couldn't have.

RampantIvy · 31/05/2023 12:04

I have never been on the type of hen do written about on MN. Every one I have been to has been a night out in town and nothing more. The one I am going to later this year is an afternoon tea.

I think they have got out of hand because people won't say no to them.

FrozenGhost · 31/05/2023 12:08

Organising your dds friends hen... isn't a thing. Are you a bridesmaid?

Wexone · 31/05/2023 12:09

I agree with @Ponoka7 its very strange ( and quite hard) to arrange a hen party when you are not close to the bride. I would try reaching out to one of the bridesmaids or a close friend of bride to suss what she outs, then there are plenty of companies that specialize in arranging hen parties. Then would get three options (including all details prices ect as well as a clear payment plan) and send to everyone. Give a vote, go with majority, believe me there will always be someone that is not happy at all though . They have the option to not go
you may have not bothered with a hen ( don't get your reasons though - how were you so super busy you couldn't do one night of dinner and cocktails) but that was your choice. You have agreed to doing this so i would do my very best to give the bride and all a good night out

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 12:10

Really bizarre dynamic.
So you apparently signed up to plan your daughter's friend's hen and are now bitching online about the 'passive aggression, selfishness and unkindness, and that’s just in the planning stages' but also you're planning it alone?

You're also complaining the organising is 'overblown' but again you're hosting and organising it alone so are you just moaning about yourself?

I didn’t bother with a hen when I married as I was literally too busy with my career to spend any time on anything except turning up to the wedding and going on a month long honeymoon. My friends were the same.

None of your friends ever had time for a night out and worked all of the time with the one exception being a honeymoon?
Sad.

Original poster

Bowbowbo · 31/05/2023 12:11

Ponoka7 · 31/05/2023 12:04

"I didn’t bother with a hen when I married as I was literally too busy with my career to spend any time on anything except turning up to the wedding and going on a month long honeymoon"

A month off work is a massive luxury most people couldn't have.

Yeah I know, I was very lucky - I did all the work I had to do in that month early, to give myself the big break, hence no time in the run-up to the wedding/honeymoon for anything else (6am to 8pm work days, what the hell was I thinking?)

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Sissynova · 31/05/2023 12:11

Yes I’m friends with the bride and most of the women coming

Also, they are not your friends. You might all be friendly with each other, but they are your daughter's friends not yours.

Whichwhatnow · 31/05/2023 12:12

I've been on one, purely for the experience. We went to a crap hotel in Bournemouth, did cocktail making, a spa and karaoke and a Chipendales show. The whole weekend was cheesy as fuck but weirdly enjoyable.Not something I'd want to do again and certainly not something I'd want to organise! You have my sympathies OP.

FloydPepper · 31/05/2023 12:13

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 31/05/2023 09:44

I know this mostly women heavy site, but it’s funny how it’s always hen do’s that are awful, silly, selfish, too much….

Do men think the same about stag do’s?

Yes

userxx · 31/05/2023 12:14

I love a good hen party in the sun. Brilliant fun.

Original poster

Bowbowbo · 31/05/2023 12:15

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 12:10

Really bizarre dynamic.
So you apparently signed up to plan your daughter's friend's hen and are now bitching online about the 'passive aggression, selfishness and unkindness, and that’s just in the planning stages' but also you're planning it alone?

You're also complaining the organising is 'overblown' but again you're hosting and organising it alone so are you just moaning about yourself?

I didn’t bother with a hen when I married as I was literally too busy with my career to spend any time on anything except turning up to the wedding and going on a month long honeymoon. My friends were the same.

None of your friends ever had time for a night out and worked all of the time with the one exception being a honeymoon?
Sad.

It was the 80s, what can I say? I worked hard, forgot to play hard.

to clarify - I’m hosting the weekend at my place but not making the detailed decisions about what the weekend will involve, so I’m an involved observer. Which is not one of my best ideas I’m thinking now 😂

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Original poster

Bowbowbo · 31/05/2023 12:16

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 12:11

Yes I’m friends with the bride and most of the women coming

Also, they are not your friends. You might all be friendly with each other, but they are your daughter's friends not yours.

obviously

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Whichwhatnow · 31/05/2023 12:17

FloydPepper · 31/05/2023 12:13

Yes

Show quote history

Obviously as with anything it depends but my husband has been on two, one was his dad who was dressed as Buzz Lightyear and given the bumps and one was his best mate who went to a strip club. He certainly didn't enjoy either 😆

1offnamechange · 31/05/2023 12:19

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/05/2023 11:33

Actually, this thread is a really interesting insight into why hen dos are apparently so horrid for many women. So many women have posted on this thread not to simply say “I don’t personally enjoy hen dos / don’t have a lot of spare cash for these things / don’t really enjoy socialising with people I don’t know well - so I usually give my apologies”, all of which is perfectly normal and reasonable; but to be purposefully spiteful, snide and bitchy towards other women, including ones they don’t even know: “hen dos are like monkey pecking orders / women who have them are vain and self-absorbed / surely grown women have better things to do / they’re for stupid vacuous women so they can show off on Instagram.”

I’m beginning to see why there have been so many negative experiences of hen dos – the women posting that sort of stuff are the catty, unpleasant women many of you have had the misfortune to end up on a hen do with!

Exactly this!
"It's an invitation not a summons"
Either give a polite refusal or if you go, go with good grace and the intention of trying to enjoy yourself.

It's all a bit "pick me" ....I'm not like other girls!

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 12:21

@Bowbowbo to clarify - I’m hosting the weekend at my place but not making the detailed decisions about what the weekend will involve, so I’m an involved observer. Which is not one of my best ideas I’m thinking now 😂

So why are you making it sound like you're doing all the planning and organising?

'Thanks, I’m hosting actually so am definitely invited!. Have you been the person responsible for organising a big one eg deciding on format, scheduling, booking, paying? Or do you just turn up and have fun?

This is what I’m struggling with - the organising is just a bit overblown and emotionally very draining. When I suggest scaling it back I get blank stares.'

What you mean is your DD is planning a hen and it is taking place at your house.
So why all the snippy comments about "selfishness" "unkindness" or being worried about the group dynamic?
It sounds like none of these things have actually happened, nor are you 'the perspective of the person who is dumped on to do the planning' so what exactly is your issue?

Abouttimemum · 31/05/2023 12:21

I quite enjoy an overnighter / night out with dinner and drinks and meeting new people, or trying something new. But I have no desire to spend annual leave and money on extended breaks, and usually say no to anything like that.

MaidOfSteel · 31/05/2023 12:23

Nowadays, some of them seem to be used as a means to show off, brag and are expected to be Instagram worthy to prove it. Weekends in New York or Dubai?! Social media has a lot to answer for. And then there's the cost!

It's all way beyond the few hen parties I went to in my 20s. Back then it was a meal and drinks, or a buffet at home.

adamsaboutnothing · 31/05/2023 12:23

It depends. I've been on some classy hen dos, and some cock-straw, tacky hats and sash type ones.
It's my 40th coming up and whilst we're going to Ibiza, I've said no sashes, no ridiculously stupid large hats and no making me drink shots which will ultimately make me vomit.
I think a lot depends on the company too...and whether they are good/sensible drunks or the crying/fighting/staggering type ones.

electriclight · 31/05/2023 12:26

Bowbowbo · 31/05/2023 09:33

Ok I’m 60 so my experience of the current generation’s hen parties is via my DDs and their friends, but - what the hell? Complicated, expensive, time-consuming, anxiety-inducing excuses for displays of passive agression, selfishness and unkindness, and that’s just in the planning stages! Surely grown women have better things to do?

Your DDs mustn't have a very nice set of friends.

I've been to two in the past year - all organised via WhatsApp, general agreement about various plans and costs.

Had a fantastic time at both.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 31/05/2023 12:29

I don't like people so hen parties are my idea of hell.

My SIL had 3. None of which I attended. Apparently needed to have afternoon tea so her elderly relatives could go, a spa day plus a massive piss-up.

My mum went on the afternoon tea and said it was overpriced shite and the bridal party looked ridiculous, shrieking loudly in their tacky sashes and tiaras in what would normally have been a quiet tea room.

SIL's gay male friends also went to the hen parties so wasn't all women and doesn't sound like there was any nastiness like OP mentioned. Just not my thing so I stay away from it.

Unnecessary waste of money in my opinion, but DB and SIL have a lot more disposable income than I do as they don't have kids.

Original poster

Bowbowbo · 31/05/2023 12:29

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 12:21

@Bowbowbo to clarify - I’m hosting the weekend at my place but not making the detailed decisions about what the weekend will involve, so I’m an involved observer. Which is not one of my best ideas I’m thinking now 😂

So why are you making it sound like you're doing all the planning and organising?

'Thanks, I’m hosting actually so am definitely invited!. Have you been the person responsible for organising a big one eg deciding on format, scheduling, booking, paying? Or do you just turn up and have fun?

This is what I’m struggling with - the organising is just a bit overblown and emotionally very draining. When I suggest scaling it back I get blank stares.'

What you mean is your DD is planning a hen and it is taking place at your house.
So why all the snippy comments about "selfishness" "unkindness" or being worried about the group dynamic?
It sounds like none of these things have actually happened, nor are you 'the perspective of the person who is dumped on to do the planning' so what exactly is your issue?

I suppose my issue is that I can see where this will head if they overcomplicate things too much: it will stop being fun in the lead-up to the event, even if at the weekend itself most people will have fun. I care about my DD and her friends and don't like seeing them stressed.

What is your issue @Sissynova?

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