To think hen parties are ridiculous shite?

[Bowbowbo]

Ok I’m 60 so my experience of the current generation’s hen parties is via my DDs and their friends, but - what the hell? Complicated, expensive, time-consuming, anxiety-inducing excuses for displays of passive agression, selfishness and unkindness, and that’s just in the planning stages! Surely grown women have better things to do?

Sounds like your DD has a bunch of shit friends if they are unkind and passive aggressive.

Every hen do iv been on has been abroad. It’s totally normal and non of them has anyone been unkind or selfish in the planning stage.

Also I’m not sure how complicated arranging some flights, activity and a hotel really is to be honest.

In what way does hanging out with friends to celebrate your impending marriage have to do with "mean girl type females"?

I imagine at least 3/4 of all women getting married have a hen of sorts, I've certainly never been to a wedding when the bride didn't have a hen. So are most women just mean girls then?

I can see why some think my OP was a bit misogynist, for which I apologise. I don’t know where this particular idea about cooking and washing comes from though? If you saying that’s what I think women should spend their time doing then you could not be more wrong my friend. Check your misogyny and your ageism while you’re at it.

Its definitely the overplanned, overpopulated, weekend long hen that I’m referring to, witnessed by me from the perspective of the person who is dumped on to do the planning.

That's assuming it is a good time though.

I love going for dinner and the activities portion of the hens I've been on. We did a dance class on one hen which was really fun and a cocktail making class too. But I remember being invited to one which was an obstacle course, followed by a night out in a pretty energetic club and then spending the night in a hostel and I would have had to fly and then make my way to somewhere quite far from any airports. I politely declined that one.

I think as long as everyone is honest about what they want on the hen and nobody is strong armed into going though, there's no harm in it at all. You can just say no

@Wishawisha Funnily enough, the hen days I disliked the most involved a spa day! That's not my cup of tea at all. Each to their own

I think a hen day / weekend can be fun if (1) you're with people you like (or turn out to be good company), (2) doing an activity you enjoy and (3) on a budget you're comfortable with

It's tough when you spend a lot of money doing something you don't enjoy with people you don't know

Not my experience of hen parties. I went to one last year for my cousin and it was brilliant, we all had a great laugh. Some of you must keep terrible company.

folks on here really seem to hate weddings , stag and hen dos.

personally I really enjoy weddings and hen dos. Always had fun, and I’m just a few years younger than you.

Hate them. Avoid them if I can.

Sometimes I wonder if they're actually the ones that are the problem. This is mumsnet though to be fair, where everyone hates people and any form of socialising.

Mine was a lovely chilled out affair, I guess it depends on the company you choose.

I hate them.

I was meant to have two for my wedding. Didn't want either but didn't want to seem ungrateful.

Then Covid happened and they were cancelled. I was overjoyed.

Everyone always commiserates that we didn't get the full wedding experience of hen and stag, wedding dress try on, etc. It's why we are compatible that DH and are smile and nod but in private say we are chuffed to have swerved. It

Totally agree especially your last paragraph. Have been on a few and had to organize one- organizing was horrendous , like that the other two bridesmaids expected everything for nothing - people have no ide of how much things cost
For my own hen i really enjoyed it, it was all my close friends out for a good night, there was no tat whatsoever, Went to a show, dinner and cocktails and stayed in a nice hotel. I loved it. The few i have been on i have actually enjoyed , some activities i was like a bit huh, but i went along as bride a good friend.
I really don't agree with your mother, aunties nana etc being invited on big night outs, they don't need to see what you are doing etc. Also find it a bit awkward when we are on hens with them. It changes the dynamic. Dinner or afternoon is far more appropriate for them.
For myself i wouldn't be a lover of the three day etc weekends away abroad, if i di get invited to one of them would really have to think about it . I am getting old and cant really do more than one night now 😂

Your dd needs new friends.Ive never experienced that its always been fun.

I’m of your generation OP and I despise hen and stag weekenders. I live in a destination city and see multiple events this time of year. They’re completely devoid of class. They give the British a bad name for sure. I flew back from London last week and the plane had both a hen and stag group. They were loud and obnoxiously behaved.

I've only ever been to one.
My hangover lasted longer than the marriage.

I think your DDs need better friends if that’s your experience of them, OP. A hen do among real friends is a great experience.

I think its very grabby tbh, and always causes uncomfortable conversations. I almost lost a friendship because the (large, weekend away) hen party was booked with no date given for payment, and I was then asked to immediately transfer a few hundred pounds. Money I simply did not have.

The sharing rooms with strangers, the awkward chit chat while you wait to get drunk enough to suddenly feel comfortable, the organised fun. Ugh.

Mine was at a cocktail bar during happy hour. My friends and I got drunk, had a dance, went to Maccas and everyone was able to make the last train. I couldnt bear the thought of making people pay out to celebrate my life choices.

It depends, I had a big hen do at big cottage with lots of fun (for me and my set of friends) activities like afternoon tea, a murder mystery and hot tubs.

But my friends live scattered across the country so we use it as an opportunity to get together to see each other for a weekend. It cost about the same as booking a weekend in a hotel to see them.

People on mumsnet seem to absolutely hate the concept of hen parties, let alone attending them.

As a woman in my 30s I have attended A LOT and I love them! Why wouldn’t I enjoy hanging out with a group of normally my close friends having a lovely time and doing things I wouldn’t normally do with nice food and alcohol?

I've attended about 6 hen dos, all have been abroad or a night or two at a hotel closer to home. We've always had a great time. It's an opportunity for my friends and family to all get together.

Hahahaha Amen to that.

grown women do have better things to do - cooking and cleaning and washing. Certainly not having a good time with their pals - honestly! How frivolous of them!!

@LuckySantangelo35 What are you talking about? That isn’t what OP was saying at all. 🤣

You sound fun-why do you care? You’ll never get invited on one. I love them, have always had fun.

<shrug> I enjoyed mine. It was in this country, we had a chilled barbecue, did an activity then went dancing. We had a lovely time. And the attendees were my friends and sisters, generally lovely people, who all got along.

If hens are marked by "displays of passive agression, selfishness and unkindness", it's not intrinsically because some women are getting together to celebrate ahead of a wedding.

Er, not all hen weekenders are the same. The last one I went on we went away to a cottage, had a therapist come over to do massages, had a barbecue and chilled in the hot tub, then went for a Sunday roast the next day. All very civilised!