To think hen parties are ridiculous shite?

[Bowbowbo]

Ok I’m 60 so my experience of the current generation’s hen parties is via my DDs and their friends, but - what the hell? Complicated, expensive, time-consuming, anxiety-inducing excuses for displays of passive agression, selfishness and unkindness, and that’s just in the planning stages! Surely grown women have better things to do?

The comment about not knowing most people there, though that has been true for me at a few I've been to, it hasn't mattered in the slightest because the bride to be has always been a good friend/a loved family member so unsurprisingly I've got along well with the other hens who are also their good friends/loved family members in turn.

Actually one of the things I like best about a hen do is getting to chat to new, interesting, lovely women. I was at one recently and met so many fab people who I'm really looking forward to seeing again at the wedding.

I hate them and I'm 30. I don't see the point?! And yes they seem to get more expensive and competitive as the years go on. Normal now to jet off to Dubai for your hen do it would seem

Bollocks. I dislike hens and it’s not because I’m a miser or a closet misogynist. I don’t like hens because I don’t like any activities that I can’t withdraw from when I’ve had enough (same reason you wouldn’t catch me dead on an organised tour). I also don’t like the politics over sharing rooms, where/what to eat, who’s paying for what. And conversationally I’m good for three hours max, then I’m exhausted. I also travel extensively for work so the idea of yet another flight/train etc is just a hassle for me.

We don’t all have to like the same things for the sake of the sisterhood you know.

What is your issue @Sissynova?

For a start I just had misogyny directed at younger women.
The suggestion that an event with only women is always "ridiculous shite" full of cattiness, unkindness, selfishness or passive aggression winds me up. You've just made that ridiculous claim based on nothing and I actually find that stereotype of women offensive.

It sounds like none of these things have actually happened and for some reason you're projecting some weird feelings on your DD's friends, despite admitting you've no experience at all, and suggesting the only way the night can possibly end is with them being stressed and having no fun.

Its a party, and not even yours, lighten up and back off.

Like anything it depends, a group of female friends together having a meal at a nice restaurant and calling it a hen party

I don't see anything wrong with that or doing something everyone in that group actually wants to do then fine

So it depends

Sissynova · Today 09:55
greennotepad · Today 09:52

Writing a post on the internet to slag off something that is unlikely to ever effect you- surely grown women have better things to do?
Complaining that grown women should have better things to do while ranting on the internet about women 30 plus years her junior.

'Ranting' is not what the OP is doing. That's a very hysterical way of describing a calmly-expressed opinion.

I don't blame OP for feeling negative about 'hens' (horrible expression...hen party, if you absolutely must). About 25% of the AIBUs on here are about HP woes.

Engagement party (venue, presents please, massive fuss)
Hen (others pay for venue etc, probably presents too, massive fuss)
Wedding (ditto)
Baby shower (ditto)
Christening/naming ceremony (ditto)

Grabsville, Tennessee!

You might love hen parties - good for you - but they're generally not for introverts or non-night owls or for anyone on a budget, the way they're described here. Wild horses would not drag me to one. A quiet, delicious dinner with friends is my kind of thing.

And I think, if you live in certain locations, you have seen enough loud hen parties to last you several lifetimes.

No one is ever going to make everyone happy, we all have different tastes so when a large group come together it’s impossible.

Some peoples idea of fun is a weekend away with dinners and drinks whereas others prefer a small meal and home or an excursion weekend.

I find it’s best to not get too deeply involved and not take everything so personal - if you want to go on the hen do then go - if it’s not for you or it’s stressing you out, don’t go - it’s not hard.

But you're absolutely fine with aiming misogyny at older women it seems. Why do you only hate misogyny aimed at younger women? That seems very weird indeed to me.

Yeah I'm overthinking this and probably overstating it. But I think you are too, plus you're not actually reading what I write - the weekend itself will be fun for everyone, it's the sodding preparation that I'm feeling concerned about!

Loved my hen do, had my friends and elderly aunties plus sister and sisters in law. We went out for a real and drinks. My one request was "no male stripper"

Had a great time, brought along a gay friend and he had great fun as an honorary hen. We'd been friends all our lives though so I wanted him to be part of it. He went on the stag do as well.

Of course they’re not @Beezknees . But the British groups here have a terrible reputation here, for good reason.

@Bowbowbo But you're absolutely fine with aiming misogyny at older women it seems. Why do you only hate misogyny aimed at younger women? That seems very weird indeed to me.

Am I? Feel free to point out something I've said that was misogynistic to older women or endorses it in any way.

I have a particularly strong feelings on misogyny from women, aimed at younger women. I think it is much worse to hold those sorts of views when you should know better.

Went on one once which was a flight, 2x nights in hotel + time off work. Lots of alcohol (I don't drink), bills split equally & I hated every minute but felt obliged to go.

Declined all other invites after this which were similarly themed.

Misogyny is misogyny is misogyny. Seeing it as worse from women is saying it's better from men? What? I'm no misogynist and have fought it, called it out, changed people's views on women all my life, and will continue to do so until my dying breath. I find what you have written deeply offensive.

I’ve turned down all hens that involve more than a meal and a few drinks. Just not my thing. Dh did bowling for his and has been on a few others that again where things like a few hours paintballing/go karting or a meal and a couple of pints.

I do think asking people
to spend a £100’s and use annual leave for a hen or stag is bonkers tho. But a fool and their money at the end of the day. It just leads to huge expectations of how it will go and someone will likely be disappointed that it didn’t live upto the expectation.

Mine was awesome. I loved it. My bridesmaids did a great job organising it and some of my other friends who wouldn't otherwise have known many people got a chance to get to know each other before the wedding.

You need new friends 😂

The other hen dos I've been on have all been great fun too.

I think the key is good organisation by people who know the bride well, keeping to a reasonable budget, and having nice friends.

If you can manage those three things the chances are everyone will have a good time.

This. I find them outdated. But I love a good wedding.

I think some kind of counselling can help whatever caused this post.

The last hen do I went on was 10 years ago, and by that point it had already escalated to a weekend away rather than a night out. But none of the dramas or bitchiness you allude to.

The only experience I have of hen nights now is when I see threads on here about the ridiculous ones, so not exactly balanced information.

This is why I’m not having a hen a hen at all. No one wanted to do anything I did (not expensive as I’m skint, just shot down every idea) and I couldn’t be arsed with the absolute whining coming from grown women about it was nothing short of pathetic, so I just said nah, fuck it.

@InAFettle But did you want to something ? A bbq in someone's garden with a few drinks can be done cheaply enough. We are having nice weather at mo. It doesn't have to be the mad weekend in Spain. I am sorry all your friends have shot down every idea and are whining at you. remember it when its your turn

Yeah I'm sorry @InAFettle , that's really shit of your friends. Someone posted on here recently complaining about being asked to pay £25 for a BBQ hen do in a garden, but I thought that sounded like a brilliant way of including everyone at a manageable (for most) cost.

I'm in my early 30s and any hen do's I've been a part of have been well organized and considerate of those attending. They all have been in the UK and offered multiple stages (ie. spa morning, dinner, theatre, night out, hotel, brunch) where you can opt in or out of each portion before deposits are made. I was heavily pregnant for my friend's hen do this past summer, so I did the first activity and dinner, then went home as those who wanted to carried on. Someone else was struggling to find the funds and only went to the morning brunch. Another woman couldn't find daytime childcare and only did the night out while her husband was available to stay with the children.

It always shocks me when people say they've been invited to a hen do that takes a whole weekend or costs thousands - I've never experienced that!

Sounds like many MN hen nights, they always remind me of the women in Murial's Wedding.