To think hen parties are ridiculous shite?

[Bowbowbo]

Ok I’m 60 so my experience of the current generation’s hen parties is via my DDs and their friends, but - what the hell? Complicated, expensive, time-consuming, anxiety-inducing excuses for displays of passive agression, selfishness and unkindness, and that’s just in the planning stages! Surely grown women have better things to do?

I’ve only been on ones for my close friends and family. They’ve either been a night out or a weekend away with nice meals and alcohol. We’re all drama free people, I wouldn’t get involved with what you’re describing OP.

Some of the things I’ve read on mumsnet about planning hen dos and all the trouble/nastiness are awful.

I always enjoyed the ones I went on as I have nice friends.

In my (limited) experience stag do's tend to be a lot more straightforward to organise than hens. And therefore bringing less of the chappy aspects.

That being said, all the hen dos that I've been to only one has been a bit of a headache to organise but the day itself was good. And others have been very chill and cheap to organise and participate.

I’m a misery guts, I don’t want to go on holiday for 2/3 days with people

meal, party games and a night out is enough, but people have egos that need stroking

I’ll agree that hen nights have become complicated and expensive but not that the women involved are prone to passive aggression, selfishness and unkindness.

On the contrary, the last couple of overnight hen nights I’ve been on it’s been lovely to see the brides core group of friends/family making sure they involve and include the hens who didn’t know anyone else. A random group of women who are only connected by knowing the same person, all together doing their best to make sure their friend has a lovely time on her special occasion. It’s nice.

Generally when I’m invited on a hen do it’s for somebody I really like along with other people I really like, and we all have a ball. I love them, and weddings. I don’t understand the posts deriding their experience of hen dos as about “mean girls” and “pecking orders” and “catty” behaviour. Why on earth are you cultivating friendships like this? It’s a bit sad many women appear not to have real friendships with mutual care and love and support.

I’ve never been on a hen do which resembles what you describe and I’ve been on absolutely loads over the last ten years. Perhaps your DD’s friend group really aren’t nice people.

I hate the forced fun and mandatory boozing.

My hen was meant to be a night in with casual (not let's get fucked up) cocktails, chocolate fountain and 90s TV. I also wanted my brother and male best friend there. It was all going great till the surprise limo showed up to take us all clubbing 🙄😂. Not at all what I wanted and it's really annoying that some people assume that's essential if you're on a hen.

It hasn't got anything to do what gender the guests are though. I had men there too and wasn't happy with the clubbing but enjoyed everything up until then

In my (limited) experience stag do's tend to be a lot more straightforward to organise than hens. And therefore bringing less of the chappy aspects.

Did you never watch Don't Tell the Bride? About 70% of the stags used to spend half the budget on a week long stag do to Vegas, then think they should probably just stay and do the wedding there as well, and find they hadn't got any money left to fly granny out and the bride would have to pick which sister can attend.

I had dinner with half a dozen friends in a really good restaurant. It was great.

Agree. Forced fun, especially when it’s going to cost me a fortune and a chunk of my precious time off work, is not my idea of a good time so I always decline.

I didn’t want one but three of my close friends surprised me with a boozy lunch which was perfect.

I had a night out in Manchester - food, drink, dancing, quite standard. And dinner with two more local friends who were heavily pregnant and didn't want to travel.

I always dread them, usually find them expensive, but always enjoy them once I'm there. And sometimes you get serious value for money. What might seem expensive is actually very cheap when you get there and everything is paid for! Haven't really been on a hen where I paid a big amount before hand and still spent a fortune.

I'm happy to go to the ones that are one day events but recently it's become usual to have a full weekend hen party, which I hate but everyone else seems to love. I've never understood why anyone would want to spend hundreds of pounds and use up a day's holiday leave from work to spend 3 days with a bunch of women they don't know and may not get on with. And you really have to go when it's a close relative or friend who's getting married.

Most men I know hate traditional stag weekends too, for the same reasons.

This!

Hen and stag have now become something massive and expensive. When I got married nearly 20 years ago the week before the wedding I went for a meal then drinks and we wore tinsel wigs and feather boas , my husband went out out massive group of them and drank all day . The last few people I know to get married have hen and stag holidays / weekends that cost an absolute fortune sometimes months before then do something else a week beforehand. It all seems very over the top now and far too expensive for a lot of people.

Well I went on my daughter's hen party this April.
Weekend in London,self catering, cocktail party with drag Queens ,party games and a private karaoke.
It was brilliant fun and besides myself 64, guest of honour was daughter's male best friend!
It was a blast!

I actually remember that episode. It was fantastic entertainment. I also recall a titanic wedding where he rented a staurcase of a library? But you have to admit even on that show the stag was very straightforward. Kit necessarily the smartest decision but it was straightforward and drama free between the stag participants 😁

its trying to combine 2 different events i think where it goes wrong

A multigeneration meet up, with lots of different groups - nice local low key event - afternoon tea or dinner with people going on somewhere if they want.

Just 4 close mates going on holiday - fine - but thats a girls holiday.

Holiday with lots of random groups trying to get along - DOES NOT WORK.

Another example of upscaling what used to be a small one evening event into something more expensive. YANBU to object, same applies with stag dos.

See also baby showers, first birthday parties, Valentine's 'weekend', Christmas Eve boxes, as other examples.

I don’t like how expensive they’ve become

This is quite accurate actually.

@Bowbowbo

absolutely op

grown women do have better things to do - cooking and cleaning and washing. Certainly not having a good time with their pals - honestly! How frivolous of them!!

Multigenerational would be a bit weird. In my circles, your hen or stag is for your closest friends. I don’t know anybody who has had relatives along on their hen or stag, unless it was a sibling of a similar age and personality with whom they were very close. I didn’t realise that having your mum, your Auntie Jean, and a SIL you don’t really get along with on your hen was a thing!

The people who hate hens tend to fall into two camp, those who apparently would never spend 2p on an outing with friends or the 'i'm not like other girls' ones. YAWN.

This!