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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hate being asked what I do

601 replies

EggDaisy · 31/05/2023 07:17

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

OP posts:
ArtimisGame · 31/05/2023 07:18

I felt this exact same thing when I moved to a different part of the country where job roles seemed to separe

drpet49 · 31/05/2023 07:18

🙄 it is a normal question.

AlyssumandHelianthus · 31/05/2023 07:18

People are just making conversation. They don't care what you do.

ArtimisGame · 31/05/2023 07:19

*separate people into different groupings, whereas where I lived before it was a lot more varied and people would socialise with anyone.

TheKobayashiMaru · 31/05/2023 07:19

I remember being on holiday many years ago and being asked this question. It was clearly to 'rank' me as to whether I would be one of 'their people'. I wasn't.

Sissynova · 31/05/2023 07:19

No, those questions are not rude.

It’s your own issue for being so hung up on it.

Polari · 31/05/2023 07:20

It’s called conversation. People are being polite.
Your reply works for you so fine.

KateyCuckoo · 31/05/2023 07:20

Are you unemployed but feel like you have to justify it because it's for a worthy reason and you don't want people thinking you're just a bum?

Polari · 31/05/2023 07:21

KateyCuckoo · 31/05/2023 07:20

Are you unemployed but feel like you have to justify it because it's for a worthy reason and you don't want people thinking you're just a bum?

😂

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/05/2023 07:21

I think people are being naive if they don't realise that sometimes the person asking that question wants to categorise you.

LubaLuca · 31/05/2023 07:21

Have a vague answer ready. My job is difficult to explain and something most people have no experience of, so I say "Financial services". Nobody's really interested, so they don't probe any further.

bathty · 31/05/2023 07:22

Rude?! 😆 It's just conversation & part of getting to know someone. You feel uncomfortable about your situation which is fair enough but most people don't care anyway.

RampantIvy · 31/05/2023 07:22

Asking what someone does for a living isn't in the least bit a personal question. You are overthinking it.

My job isn't a straightforward I'm a doctor/nurse/lawyer etc either, and I can't describe what I do in less than a paragraph. It also never exists in drop down menus when filling in forms, but I don't mind telling people what I do if they ask me.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 31/05/2023 07:22

It's a totally normal question and if you replied "I do this and that" I'd just think you were rather odd and wouldn't know what to say after that do would probably just end the conversation and go chat to someone else if it was in a group setting, or make me not really want to bother getting to know you otherwise.

I'd feel the same about someone answering in a vague dismissive way to anything I was asking to make conversation to be honest, not just questions about work

For the record I'm not judging asking this, I'm just making conversation and trying to get to know you. You're massively overthinking

LubaLuca · 31/05/2023 07:22

KateyCuckoo · 31/05/2023 07:20

Are you unemployed but feel like you have to justify it because it's for a worthy reason and you don't want people thinking you're just a bum?

I used to love being able to tell people I was a housewife. That did genuinely interest lots of people.

Overthebow · 31/05/2023 07:23

Why does it make you uncomfortable? It’s a normal question to ask, just say what you do and move the conversation on.

Mutabiliss · 31/05/2023 07:23

It's just normal conversation. And if they are judging what you do, they've already judged your accent, weight, hair, clothes, shoes and bag, so what does it matter what they think of your job.

bathty · 31/05/2023 07:24

I think people are being naive if they don't realise that sometimes the person asking that question wants to categorise you.

Obviously there's context. And there's a difference between someone just asking you straight off or as part of a wider conversation.

Oysterbabe · 31/05/2023 07:24

It is an entirely normal question and yabu.

What exactly are you allowed to ask people when making conversation? Everything is none of their business.

Flippersmum · 31/05/2023 07:24

I always hated it because I was unable to work due to mental health issues but didn't want to tell people that. Im at an age now where no one asks.

Original poster
EggDaisy · 31/05/2023 07:24

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/05/2023 07:21

I think people are being naive if they don't realise that sometimes the person asking that question wants to categorise you.

Exactly! It's very naive to think its purely conversation, it's not.

You will be judged and stereotyped, automatically. It's something I'd never ask, there are so many other things to converse about.

OP posts:
Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 31/05/2023 07:25

The question doesn't annoy me per se, but it does irritate me that it's often the first question a stranger asks us. As though our job somehow defines us, and youre right, it is totally a quick way of establishing wealth/potential position in society etc.

I appreciate that it has to come up sometimes, but if you're trying to make small talk why not ask me about my hobbies or me as a person rather than asking how I make money. Or just stay silent if you can't think of anything to say 🤷

Receiverofrage · 31/05/2023 07:25

I went on a date once and asked the guy this. He replied, ‘I work in a sex shop and make sex toys.’

Red0 · 31/05/2023 07:26

Yes I hate this question because I’m a SAHP, so always feel stupid answering. It’s absolutely my choice and I love that I have the choice to be able to be a SAHP, but always feel very judged when I give that as my answer

TheKobayashiMaru · 31/05/2023 07:26

Polari · 31/05/2023 07:20

It’s called conversation. People are being polite.
Your reply works for you so fine.

Not the people who eyes go dull when you give th the answer.