Hate being asked what I do

[EggDaisy]

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

🤣Plenty of people would say they feel judged because they expect others find their hobbies and passions boring, or class-based…

No,SOMEpeople might, but most don't.
This.
The reality is most people are not going to care that much about the employment of someone they've just met to spend their time thinking about it.

The likelihood is that the people who assume everyone is judging their job choice are probably the people who'll assume they're being judged for their hobbies, or the books they've read, or whether they have/haven't watched a certain film or TV series.

If, on a first meeting, someone asked me what made my "eyes light up ad sparkle" I'd be out of there so fast my feet wouldn't have touched the ground.....

Or where they live, their family situation and so on. Even the weather seems to be a polarising issues (at least on here).

Basically any type of questions / conversation can be upsetting or seen as someone fishing for judgement worthy comments.

I've often asked people this question, politely.
This thread has made me realize I was probably wrong to do so!
However , not taking an interest in people is then seen as being unfriendly or ' stand offish ' or some such. Seems you can't win

I partially agree that I do not like being asked what I do because 99% do not understand it as its too technical. But I just do a generic vague and boring statement and that stops the convo dead. Even if you don't want to out yourself you use whatever occupation you put down for insurance, they never match.

I've always thought that asking questions like what job? are you married? do you have kids? Where do you live etc is our subconscious way of working out what sort of person we are talking to. It's a throwback to days where you have to work out of you are safe around this person. A survival instinct if you will.

I love my job, as you can see from my username! But even though the pay is rubbish I would shout it from the rooftops.

I do have another job though that I don't mention because it's embarrassing and has a stigma attached, so I can see why OP doesn't like the question.

Actually, I'm with you on this one. What you do doesn't define you. Most people hate their job.

I'm reminded of this

Asking basic questions about someone's life is a pretty normal way to start conversations.

I agree that most people don't really care, but they are trying to build up an impression of you. Not necessarily to judge, but to find out about you, because that's the point of conversation.

What sorts of questions do those who object to this use when making smalltalk?

As with all questions, you only mind it if you yourself have issues with what you do. If you were truly happy with your life, you wouldn't give a toss.

I'm inclined to agree with you @BananaPalm

As with all questions, you only mind it if you yourself have issues with what you do.

Nope. My only issue is jadedness with the half a dozen exclamations and questions after sharing my niche occupation, and sorry if that sounds miserable but I really can't always be bothered. Usually a stranger from Zumba or somewhere who will probably disappear the next week, as people often do from these drop in classes and gyms.

I find other ppls jobs really interesting. Maybe I'm weird. Especially ones that involve the public cos you always get some crazy stories. I've done various jobs myself and I'm not ranking anyone. It wouldn't be the first thing I'd ask someone though.

Without a doubt there are people who ask what you do for a living to judge or classify you (another one is “what school do your children go to?”). These types of people are usually pretty transparent.

However, the majority of people asking are just doing so to make small talk or plain curiosity.

Basically, you aren’t interested in the people who are talking to you, it's nothing whatsoever to do with what they think about you. I’m sure you would be equally bored talking about the weather. Which means it is just another perfectly legitimate topic of conversation that you just can’t be arsed to engage with.

DD works in a pharmacy. I love hearing about her day because it is so interesting.

Basically, you aren’t interested in the people who are talking to you, it's nothing whatsoever to do with what they think about you. I’m sure you would be equally bored talking about the weather. Which means it is just another perfectly legitimate topic of conversation that you just can’t be arsed to engage with.

No, I'll happily make small talk about anything else, preferably exercise and sport, when involving places like exercise classes and gym, which is why I'm there with them.

But perhaps you are right, even about it boring me - I did say I was jaded after all and I'm not interested in them beyond pleasantries about the class or indeed the weather.

I did say earlier that some people just ask because they want to talk to you about their job. Occasionally that happens.

Just using the example of classes and gym as the membership is transient, you won't see these people again more than likely. Huge turnover of people you'll see one week then never again.

Really? I see the same people week after week after week, have done for years. I know 99% of people in my spin classes, Pilates classes by name. Most people I see in the changing room I know by name. Quite a few of the regulars organise the odd social event, so meal out at Xmas , coffees after class. My three best friends are all people I met in gym classes.

I agree.
I know most of my exercise classmates by name, and have formed several close friendships through gym classes.

Humans are creatures of habit, and many people ( myself included) tend to exercise at on the same day, same class.
So if you also attend regularly you will see the same faces.

This. They really couldn't care less.

There's a small core of regulars in some classes, and I'm one of those, but some of the drop-ins you can go back after a few weeks/months and the membership has changed entirely. Dance based classes are worse for this I've found, or the gym, rather than, say, yoga or pilates.

I don't doubt either of you. I have acquaintances from this sort of place, but make excuses for after drinks invitations at Christmas, or whenever or being added to online groups and I think if you were looking for friends you could possibly do it, over time.

I think a pp was correct that I'm not interested! I was indignant that they were wrong initially. I'm not interested in going much beyond polite chit chat past the group/sport we're doing. I think it's because I lead a busy stressful life (don't we all) and I use the exercise as escape and not to think about anything else.

It’s a perfectly innocuous question. So what if some people judge you and stereotype you on the back of your response? You judge them and stereotype them, too, as clearly demonstrated by your reaction, which is making all sorts of assumptions which only demonstrate how you think, not how they think.