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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hate being asked what I do

601 replies

EggDaisy · 31/05/2023 07:17

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

OP posts:
Missingmyusername · 31/05/2023 07:35

AlyssumandHelianthus · 31/05/2023 07:18

People are just making conversation. They don't care what you do.

YANBU op.

Depending on what you do, they actually do care a fair bit. Try working in benefits/benefit fraud!

BitOutOfPractice · 31/05/2023 07:35

what @peacelemon said. It’s just polite conversation, they don’t really care. Just say the industry you work in, vaguely, and move on. Eg “retail” or “marketing” or whatever. They really aren’t interested. They are just making small talk though to be honest I’d get the hint you weren’t interested pretty quickly and move on.

00100001 · 31/05/2023 07:36

I don't like it because my job is boring and I have to explain it and that's even more boring.

IglesiasPiggl · 31/05/2023 07:37

Crampo · 31/05/2023 07:31

If someone told me they lived by doing 'this and that' I'd assume they were a petty criminal.

This is probably reflective of the circles I move in.

Yes me too! It sounds very dodgy.

LadyWhineglass · 31/05/2023 07:37

Tell them the truth OP:

”I’m a deep cover spy and now that I’ve told you I will have to kill you.” And give them the look.

YukoandHiro · 31/05/2023 07:38

EggDaisy · 31/05/2023 07:17

AIBU to think this is a bit of a personal question and it's rude to ask?

"Where do you work?"
"What do you do?"
"What profession are you in?"

Etc.

I find it really invasive and wish people wouldn't ask! My situation is not straight forward so it takes a bit of explanation, and giving any level of information to a stranger who has just asked makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why is it anyone's buisness? I feel like they want to know where I "fit" - as in, am I skilled, roughly what that role would earn, what type of person am I; be honest, people judge you differently based on your job. You can be stereotyped so easily too.

Now I just reply "Oh, I do this and that."

While I totally understand your hesitation your answer makes it sound like a bit of a twat, or they you've never worked in your life.

Why not just say "oh I've done lots of things over the years but right now I'm doing in (extremely broad area)"

schnauzerbeard · 31/05/2023 07:39

Every job role has a title. I think 'I do this and that' is a strange answer.

ThoseClementineShoes · 31/05/2023 07:39

Depends who’s asking. I’m an Oncologist. I don’t want to tell tradespeople I’m a doctor, they’ll charge more. I don’t want to tell the taxi driver/person doing my toes as I just don’t want to hear about everyone they know who’s ever had cancer. So for those people I fully lie and say I do what my husband does (boring financial stuff that I can say enough about to pull it off). Lying is a less good option for people you might want to be friends with though!

Nannewnannew · 31/05/2023 07:40

As a pp said, it’s not rude per se but I’m sure many people do use the answer to define your status etc. I know that my exH asks virtually everyone he meets where they live and this enables him to look down his nose at them! Mind you, he looks down his nose at virtually everyone anyway, so I guess that’s a given.

I used to dread telling people I was a health care professional because it would inevitably lead to asking questions about their health or a tirade of complaints about the state of the NHS or something that happened to their great aunt in 1960. Thank goodness I’m retired-now I’m just a worthless old biddy with no functioning brain cells and people leave me well alone!

Sorrynotsorry2 · 31/05/2023 07:41

I understand where your coming from op , even if people are just making conversations. I recently changed jobs and when I was asked how many hours I work and what I do . I told them . Their reply , " oh I presume to get the rest of your money you will rely on government handouts "
😕

Sugarfree23 · 31/05/2023 07:41

Really people don't care. It's just conversation.

The only person I have ever really judged was a guy on holiday who was trying to crack onto one of my friends.
He mentioned something about work, I asked what does he do?, he replied "I work for a living" wouldn't be drawn on who he worked for or where he worked.

Very weird!
Made me think he was dodgy.

LadyWhineglass · 31/05/2023 07:41

But you are right. I once went to a wedding where someone asked me what my job was. I mumbled something about this and that and she misheard me and said “you’re an architect? How interesting!” When I said no she moved onto my friend who told her she was a housewife. The woman was clearly disappointed in us until my friend said she was married to one of the mega senior partners at a mega law firm. Then the woman’s eyes lit up and my friend and I made our goodbyes and headed off to the bar.

greennotepad · 31/05/2023 07:42

I hate this question too OP- as a society we place far too much importance on what people do for a living, when in reality it’s the least interesting thing about a person. I don’t care what your job is, I care what your passions are and if you are a kind person etc!

However… for the most part I think it’s just small talk and there’s no ill intent. I never ask it though.

DorisElward · 31/05/2023 07:44

im ok with people judging me. I’m also interested in people’s jobs. Even the boring ones. This and that sound so sketchy though. Are you selling weed? Tell me more!

Original poster
EggDaisy · 31/05/2023 07:46

LadyWhineglass · 31/05/2023 07:37

Tell them the truth OP:

”I’m a deep cover spy and now that I’ve told you I will have to kill you.” And give them the look.

🤣

This is the only way forward!

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 31/05/2023 07:46

TheKobayashiMaru · 31/05/2023 07:19

I remember being on holiday many years ago and being asked this question. It was clearly to 'rank' me as to whether I would be one of 'their people'. I wasn't.

This. Some people genuinely may not care what you do, but others quite transparently want to know how senior you are, how much you earn etc. I once had someone like that at a party. She wasn’t content to know which government department I worked for or in what area or that I worked in admin, she kept asking “but what do you actually do?”

honeylulu · 31/05/2023 07:46

It's just small talk. Usually considered a safe topic!

Aslanplustwo · 31/05/2023 07:46

It's a perfectly normal question, YABU.

Only on MN .......

barmycatmum · 31/05/2023 07:47

I hate this question so much, I once lied and said I wrote erotica under a pseudonym.

that was amusing until word spread like wildfire around the gym, and all the guys tried to date me. 😂☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ nooooope, not fun

shakeitoffsis · 31/05/2023 07:48

It's normal conversation you're being petty.

NeedANewPhone1 · 31/05/2023 07:48

If people don't specify that they're asking about my job (I think most just ask 'what do you do?) I feel free to reply with something that's a bit more interesting about me - a hobby or interest for example.

Fwiw, I find the work I do for my main income quite interesting and am happy to talk about it. I just don't like the assumption that people's jobs are one of the most interesting or important things about them.

I suppose if I had a job I was really passionate about or defined myself by, I might reply differently but my usual answer for work is like yours - 'this and that'.

Maddy70 · 31/05/2023 07:48

Jesus why so uptight. ? Just give a vague answer if you don't want to go into detail

Just say marketing , retail , education etc.

Gymmum82 · 31/05/2023 07:49

My friends boyfriend would say ‘this and that’ in reality he is unemployed out of choice. So I would assume you were unemployed or just a bit odd. It’s a perfectly normal question to ask someone

jotunn · 31/05/2023 07:49

It's because it feels a bit intrusive to ask whether you had a happy childhood, or whether you're following your passions on a first meeting so it's safer to stick to TV, kids (with sensitivity), jobs and holidays.

Toddlerteaplease · 31/05/2023 07:50

I'm really proud of the job I do. So I don't mind when people ask!