Breastfeeding DD(4)

[Pumpkinspicedmum]

I have a DD(4) and DS(18 months). I have always wanted to breastfeed them until they wean naturally and always assumed this would be between 18 months and 2 years.

My DD is showing absolutely no desire to give up the boob and currently feeds first thing in the morning and again at some point in the evening, so only twice a day. I am more than happy with this as it obviously brings her comfort. However, DH has made it known to me that he thinks this is wrong and that I should be making her stop. He is very much of the opinion that she is too old and I should be putting boundaries in place. He has admitted he feels embarrassed about the situation and has asked for me to feed DD in private as he doesnt want to see it.

AIBU to insist on letting her feed until she is ready to wean naturally or should I make her stop? I am also worried that she'll get jealous if she sees DS still feeding. She is also still very attached to her dummy, something that also bothers DH. Any advice from anyone who has been through similar would be appreciated as it's a real bone of contention in our marriage at the moment. TIA

Normal people. Stop when they ir baby is 6 to 12 months old? Oh my, how restrictive life must be for you if anyone who does different to you is abnormal

I didn't then, no. But I do now (single parent) and juggle home schooling with WFH, though youngest will go to school in September as cost of living dictates I can't really manage this sufficiently now.
We were able to afford my being a sahm as I'd worked to be financially independent before I had kids, and we moved to a cheaper area. But yes, I accept it is a privilege not all have access to.

Several parents there did side hustles at the time though.

@willywallaby @Whatevercanbedone @Elevel I've already commented my personal thoughts earlier in the thread, thanks.

That we control most other aspects of our young children's lives, such as removing dummies and ensuring teeth ate brushed, so it's odd to allow self-weaning?
There's no basis to it as an argument but obviously we're all allowed opinions. I just don't get why it causes you to judge women who do BF past a certain age though.
My oldest stopped BF at 16 months after a long period of cutting down to eventually just once a day, and I don't think youngest is old enough to be considered as extended BFing yet. My personal cut off is 2.5 as that's just when I'd want my body back to myself, basically (if they even keep going that long), but I suppose I just don't really care enough to frown about others doing it longer.

@Sissynova
well that's helpful 🙄

Sorry, didn't finish answering.

My dc have been more than happy being homeschooled. The eldest started secondary, in y7 and is happy there, and I'm very happy about that. Youngest will start school in September in Y4, she says she'd prefer another year being homeschooled but is also ok about starting school and sees the benefits of it too. For me, finances and all factored in, school for her in September has more pros than cons.
Absolutely every choice I have made for my children has been in their best interests, as much as I have been able to manage. You could say the same about choices non-alternative folk have made though - is mainstream life best for all children? Is school optimal for all children? It's not always in their best interests at all, though often we don't really have much choice.

Sorry for digression, OP. Hope you're feeling happier about your choices, and your husband can understand it's perfectly normal and acceptable.

@Elevel I just don't get why it causes you to judge women who do BF past a certain age though.

Feel free to point out where I did that.

@Sissynova

What page are your personal thoughts on?

Found your thoughts!

I'm a bit confused because you said just now that you think 4 is too old to breastfeed but in your original post you said that you think it's fine for the mother to make a call on when to stop. And that you shouldn't feel guilty for stopping if you want to, which I agree with.

So if you have reasons for why 4 is too old to breastfeed you haven't said them here.

@Sissynova I find the desire for ‘self weaning’ around breastfeeding quite odd

The assertion that 4 is "too old" with no reason why.

I plan on letting my child self-wean, although as I said I do have a personal age limit where others don't. I don't think I've ever been called odd in a kind way...

Too old in my opinion but I went to school with a child whose mum stuck her boob through the gate to feed him and remember feeling I'd witnessed something absolutely awful. Plus he got bullied. Only happened once may I add. That sounds made up and I wish it was.

I find it interesting that a pp has argued that the desire for self weaning is "odd" because we control most aspects of our children's lives at that age so we should control this for them as well.

As a parent, I have always tried to give my dd as much control over her own life as I possibly can, while obviously controlling the bits that I need to control in order to keep her safe and healthy etc. Wherever there has been a viable option for her to make her own choices, I have consistently tried to give her that option. I don't really understand the notion that, because I ensured that she brushed her teeth every day, I might as well control every other aspect of her life as well.

Obviously, bf was one of those things when I couldn't actually leave it to dd to make an independent choice because I was also impacted and I was getting to the point where I wanted to stop. However, if the mum is happy to carry on, then I see no issue at all in leaving the child to stop when they're ready. It isn't doing them any harm, so why would it be a bad thing?

Actually my friends who breastfed all ended up doing 1-3 years. None of us expected to!

But doesn’t that just show how messed up our society is?
Besides, op isn’t doing that.

It shows how messed up that woman was. Obviously the other kids took the piss, it was entirely predictable.

The OP asked for opinions and got them. I am not sure why other people seem to have taken umbridge that some people don't see breastfeeding til 7 as the norm, which of course it isn't. that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but to imply it is widespread is ridiculous. we don't live 'worldwide' we live in the UK.
What I am amazed at is the casual way partner's thoughts and opinions are brushed aside in this. A couple of pps even said his thoughts don't matter or it's not his business. if a mother's opinions were so easily cast aside, it would be deemed entirely unacceptable, regardless of the subject.
I do wonder how these women who are martyrs to their children ever manage to reignite a relationship with their partners

I think breastfeeding comes under the category of "my body my choice" or "no titties no opinion". Like in the same way what type of birth and what pain relief you have in birth is the mother's decision. The dad can say what he thinks but ultimately if there's a disagreement then he's the one who has to butt out. Same here.

he's the one who has to butt out. Same here

But the language used is so aggressive. Butt out, his thoughts don't matter, ignore him - can you imagine that being in any way acceptable if the tables were turned. it would be deemed abuse and the poster would be told to LTB

I think anyone can tell anyone else to butt out if they have a strong opinion that they shouldn't do something with their own body that harms no-one. This husband's opinion appears to be "I don't like looking at it so you should stop" which is the more potentially abusive thing.

Mine doesn't call me a martyr to my children for a start, if he belittled me like that I don't think I'd want a relationship with him.
Is he allowed to dictate what medication I use in childbirth, or just when I have to stop breastfeeding? Just wondering when I should fall in line and when I'm allowed to do what I want with my body...

Yup