Breastfeeding DD(4)

[Pumpkinspicedmum]

I have a DD(4) and DS(18 months). I have always wanted to breastfeed them until they wean naturally and always assumed this would be between 18 months and 2 years.

My DD is showing absolutely no desire to give up the boob and currently feeds first thing in the morning and again at some point in the evening, so only twice a day. I am more than happy with this as it obviously brings her comfort. However, DH has made it known to me that he thinks this is wrong and that I should be making her stop. He is very much of the opinion that she is too old and I should be putting boundaries in place. He has admitted he feels embarrassed about the situation and has asked for me to feed DD in private as he doesnt want to see it.

AIBU to insist on letting her feed until she is ready to wean naturally or should I make her stop? I am also worried that she'll get jealous if she sees DS still feeding. She is also still very attached to her dummy, something that also bothers DH. Any advice from anyone who has been through similar would be appreciated as it's a real bone of contention in our marriage at the moment. TIA

Surely it’s different to be breast feeding a 4 yo in countries where the level of nutrition available is lower than to be breast feeding a 4 yo in a country like the UK /USA etc .

@BuffaloCauliflower

The culture we live in you mean?

Irrespective of 'global weaning' (which is really a made up thing anyway) we all have our own, valid, ideas on when a child is too old to bf.

Hitting school age and beyond is as good an arbitrary age as any

What part of breastfeeding at aged 4 if the child hasn't self weaned isn't biologically normal? You do realise ours isn't the only culture in the world, right? What the actual 😂

No. Not this.

Part of parenting is transitions.
Sure. But who made you decide four is too old?

Your dd is no longer a baby, toddler or even a preschooler.
She's still within normal for worldwide weaning age (still has milk teeth).

Your job as a parent is to help her grow up
Why do they need to grow up so fast? Who says she isn't growing up anyway? BFing is one small aspect.

That means stopping doing things that are for babies and toddlers
It's not just for babies and toddlers though. Other cultures go til seven or a little older, with no qualms.

Including dummies and breastfeeding
No, it doesn't. (Though I have never been a pacifier fan, so maybe I'll agree with you there.)

I feel she’s too old for breastfeeding, but appreciate that society has made that the case. Really there’s nothing properly wrong with it if you’re both happy, it’s a comfort to her and nutritious.

the dummy however is rather ridiculous. She should have had it taken away at 1. Don’t keep faffing around with it, get rid.

Why though?

Other cultures start school at seven.

@Otherland

Why not?

We dont start school at 7.

You might think a 7 or 8 yo is too old.

I think 4

That's OK.

The op doesn't have to agree with her oh but his feelings are as valid as hers

I’m not anti breastfeeding, I support breastfeeding but I don’t see why it’s a good idea to continue for so long, especially in a society where there is usually plenty of other food available and and also society generally encourages everyone to think it’s desirable for children to spend many hours per day in education/childcare from a young age, why would these same children be dependent on their mother breastfeeding them at that stage?
I just feel breastfeeding a 4 yr old is completely different to breastfeeding a four month old.

Which cultures, on a population level bf to 7 and older?

Is it though? Normal for who?

Ignore those who talk about it as not being normal, that's crap as others have said the natural weaning age for humans is 2-7 years. As others have suggested join breastfeeding older babys and above on FB so much more helpful advice than you will get here, where people have a tendency to shame you because it's not a choice they'd make.
I fed my DD until she was 4. I started to naturally reduce so explained Da Da (her name) was just for bedtimes and in the morning, then just bedtimes and very gradually she just stopped. She had stopped before she started primary school. She is very well adjusted happy child and she still speaks fondly of the breastfeeding journey we went on (obviously not in those words) but she is no way perceives it to have been anything other than a natural nurturing thing between a child and their mother.

I confess I bottle-fed all of mine, but there was a mother in our parents group who breast-fed all of hers. At the time I knew her she was feeding an infant, a 4-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy. The boy had developmental issues (non-verbal, etc.) and mother had been called in to school when he tried to breastfeed from teacher. The little girl was denied entrance to preschool because she was still breastfeeding. Mother was furious and pulled them from school so she could homeschool them until they chose to wean themselves.
I am old-fashioned but I agree with your husband. When the child can say "I want a boob" and unbutton your blouse, it is time to hand them a cup and say No.

She needs to find other sources of comfort at 4. And it probably displaces proper nutrition.
Natural weaning age might or might not be beyond that, but not all natural things are good for us. Most of people wouldn't survive if we depended on breastfeeding alone.

Who determines whether it’s biologically normal though? Once a child is fully eating regular foods, there’s limited nutritional point to them continuing to breastfeed. They’re not ‘feeding’ as such, they’re gaining comfort from suckling.

@JussathoB breastmilk is more complex than just food, it provides significant immune support and children’s immune systems don’t start to settle in until age 3 and up. Breastfeeding and sharing mums immunity is one of our species ways of protecting our children. Wish I was still feeding my toddler for this reason at least. Breastfeeding is also a natural way of helping to regulate the bodies and emotions of our very underdeveloped young. Looking at as just another food on the menu is missing a whole chunk of information.

Sorry! That was an accidental post.

@Soontobe60 whats wrong with comfort?

It's not just about the food aspect though. It's comfort, and there's more to it that replacing it with some other form of nourishment.

Why do we think it's desirable to push kids into a formal setting rather than the familiarity and comfort of their homes?

It's a good idea imho because it creates an optimally nurturing homelife. I'd also delay the school starting age (and have. My daughter will start school at eight. My son started a little later.).

I wish we lived in a society where mothering was praised, and where children were allowed to just be comfortable for a while longer.

OP, carry on. Maybe you would benefit from finding your tribe. I was surrounded by mothers in my circle who BFed til 5/6/7, and it felt totally normal to all of us.

Nothing - I didn’t say there was.

It’s unusual because western society has warped breastfeeding. Not because it isn’t biologically normal. As a PP has pointed out to you, natural weaning takes place between 2-7.

I’m sure the OPs daughter won’t be breastfeeding as she heads off to uni, and no need to worry about a dependency when children are inherently dependent on their parents.

I will leave this link for education purposes: https://www.laleche.org.uk/breastfeeding-beyond-infancy/

Why don’t you let her self wean off the dummy? Why is it different from the breast?

@Otherland

My kids were comfortable not bring bf at 4 and going to school at 5.

Oh and they still had a mother even though they weren't bf at 4