Breastfeeding DD(4)

[Pumpkinspicedmum]

I have a DD(4) and DS(18 months). I have always wanted to breastfeed them until they wean naturally and always assumed this would be between 18 months and 2 years.

My DD is showing absolutely no desire to give up the boob and currently feeds first thing in the morning and again at some point in the evening, so only twice a day. I am more than happy with this as it obviously brings her comfort. However, DH has made it known to me that he thinks this is wrong and that I should be making her stop. He is very much of the opinion that she is too old and I should be putting boundaries in place. He has admitted he feels embarrassed about the situation and has asked for me to feed DD in private as he doesnt want to see it.

AIBU to insist on letting her feed until she is ready to wean naturally or should I make her stop? I am also worried that she'll get jealous if she sees DS still feeding. She is also still very attached to her dummy, something that also bothers DH. Any advice from anyone who has been through similar would be appreciated as it's a real bone of contention in our marriage at the moment. TIA

In my opinion it’s unnecessary. They don’t need the nutrition so I can see why your husband feels how he does. My son was 18 months and I was happy to stop. I would feel really uncomfortable feeding a child as grown up as my 4 year old is! He’s huge and it would feel really wrong!

I said it offers some protection - she still gets plenty of viruses and bugs, just not as many as she might have otherwise got. Also, her body couldn't have fought off the bacterial infection that she had - she needed antibiotics, as would anyone else - but she was more stable than she would have been otherwise.

I'm glad my mother nursed me as a baby, but also very grateful I can't remember sucking on her breasts.

I bf my second until he was 5. It’s no one else’s business but yours. Tbh I never in my wildest dreams imagined I’d ever bf a 5 year old. It always seemed creepy. Before I did it myself and then it just felt ‘right’.

@ApplesandOrangesandPears that’s a very good point about illnesses as well as immunity.

A few months after we moved to another country/climate DD was 2 and got quite ill during our first winter there. She instantly reverted to practically only BF and this really helped her recovery (emotionally and physically) as well as giving her easily digestible sustenance

@SnuggleBuggleBoo 100% agree with this. Who on earth would want to remember that as a teenager or adult?!

Too old for both imo.

I think unless she has another comforter other than the dummy and the breast, you need to keep breastfeeding whilst ditching the dummy.....if you stop BF first she will be more reliant on the comfort of the dummy and likely more reluctant to give that up, and if you do both simultaneously she will likely be upset as both her comforts have suddenly been taken away.
I breastfed DD1 til 3.5, when i weaned her at my own choice (she coped fine with it).DD2 is still keenly going at 19mths.
DD1 would still be going too if I'd let her 😂 She remembers 'having dee-dee' very fondly, and has still tried to get in on the action with her baby sister on multiple occasions before!

My reasons for stopping at 3.5 with DD1 were because I just felt like she was becoming more aware, and it felt abit too exposing for me personally. I just wanted some personal space back, and a break from B/F before DD2 arrived (I don't think I could have mentally coped with tandem feeding, but admire those who do!)

I'dve thought it'd potentially slow her developing greater ability to self-soothe.

Breastfeeding is a relationship between two people, the mother and child. As long as both of those people are happy to continue the relationship then it is fine to continue. Your husband doesn’t get an opinion.

People are saying "4 is too old" as a knee jerk and then coming up with the best reason they can think of after. But the reason is "I think it's gross".

I obviously think the child's father should have a say in all areas of parenting but does HE have any reasons you should stop other than HE thinks it's gross? Because if not then his opinion should be disregarded.

I just finished breastfeeding my daughter at 4 and a half and I gently stopped it because she wasn't doing it properly anymore and just messing about, and it was annoying and painful. I replaced it with a cuddle in my bed before bedtime. I did that because I wanted to stop and I knew she'd be okay with stopping. I would never have stopped just because my husband didn't like it!

My milk dried up over a year ago anyway so these posts about "at 4 they should get nutrition from other sources" and "they should drink from a cup" make me laugh. If you're saying stuff like that you can't know much about BF an older kid.

The only thing your DD is getting is comfort. No extra nutrition. Pure comfort. Especially given the age gap. Is that a bad thing? Talk to her about it.

Some of these comments are so weird. I can tell you now that extended breastfeeding is 1. Totally normal and has actually always happened but people never used to talk about it and 2. Is the parents putting the child first. Most of us want to stop. No baby would naturally want to stop at one. It’s perfectly fine to stop at one. But a mother continuing it, is doing it for her child and to try and do absolutely everything for the child’s well-being, even for their own detriment. The idea that the mother is doing it for her is messed up and just plain wrong. It’s not like you can force a child to breastfeed!

I stopped at 2 because quite honestly I was ‘done’ but that was purely for me. He would’ve happily continued and if I had wanted to continue that would’ve been absolutely fine.

Ps my son only started having issues from the dummy when he stopped breastfeeding so it’s actually protective. Same with allergies and getting ill.

I would stop.

I'd be worried about her feeling embarrassed or getting teased when she starts school. Yes it might be biologically normal to breastfeed until 7 but we don't live in a magic bubble where society has no impact on our lives.

This. I’d stop the dummy first though - and I was guilty of letting mine go on far too long with it at night. Nearly 5. Get a cuddly toy that she really wants in return and go cold turkey- ideally on a Friday night if you don’t work weekends. It took one unsettled evening and a second slightly fussy evening and then mine was over it.
Regarding the feeding, I’m no expert as I bottle fed but I think you need to understand your DH’s view here even if you don’t agree with it. To me it is far too old - you’re risking her being laughed at at school if she talks about it. It might well be done in other cultures at this age and later but I think most people in our society would find it strange - your DH will be in the majority, without a doubt. He may be very worried about this. Surely it’s time to stop it - but I’d deal with the dummy first.

@willywallaby People are saying "4 is too old" as a knee jerk and then coming up with the best reason they can think of after. But the reason is "I think it's gross".

People are allowed to have a different opinion to you without you putting words into their mouth.
My feelings on why a 4 year old is too old to breastfeed do not centre around thinking its gross.
You clearly are triggered by opinions different to your own as you breastfed an older child but that doesn't mean you can invalidate anyone else's opinion and you're the only one who gets a say.

@Sissynova

What are you reasons?

What are your reasons then?

Also awaiting these reasons

As someone who still bfed a 4 year old, with no younger sibs, I'd say from experience that she was emotion ally very mature, but hey you've heard a theory so that must be true. Of my 2 the more emotionally immature was my first who weaned earlier, physically immature too took a lot longer to potty train and was still wetting the bed at 7. Younger child was proactive in potty training g at around 2 and was dry at night from 2, so no desire at all for wearing nappies

It lets us know that they are judgemental and feel entitled to stick their oar into things that have nothing to do with them, I guess. Someone up thread said she didn't know anyone who breastfed a child of that age or even over 2, I guess those who do pick up on the judgey vibes and she just doesn't know what happens in the mums home. First thing in the morning.