Breastfeeding DD(4)

[Pumpkinspicedmum]

I have a DD(4) and DS(18 months). I have always wanted to breastfeed them until they wean naturally and always assumed this would be between 18 months and 2 years.

My DD is showing absolutely no desire to give up the boob and currently feeds first thing in the morning and again at some point in the evening, so only twice a day. I am more than happy with this as it obviously brings her comfort. However, DH has made it known to me that he thinks this is wrong and that I should be making her stop. He is very much of the opinion that she is too old and I should be putting boundaries in place. He has admitted he feels embarrassed about the situation and has asked for me to feed DD in private as he doesnt want to see it.

AIBU to insist on letting her feed until she is ready to wean naturally or should I make her stop? I am also worried that she'll get jealous if she sees DS still feeding. She is also still very attached to her dummy, something that also bothers DH. Any advice from anyone who has been through similar would be appreciated as it's a real bone of contention in our marriage at the moment. TIA

I suppose it made socialising easier. We could stay in situations longer, daytime or night. After a move to another country with a very highly strung DC 18 months - no family support and yet to get to know friends - I do really think extended BF made a big difference.

@Mala1992 our periods
I'd have thought only you had them in relevance to BF
@Pumpkinspicedmum
Do you not think your DH is allowed an opinion on his child's upbringing? Would you like it if he discarded your opinion on your DD?

As I have said earlier on this thread, I BFed til DD was 5.1, and my son a little earlier. We moved in "alternative" circles - primarily we were part of a lovely home ed group, many of whom also BFed past toddlerhood, many of whom were also vegan (so not inclined to move on to cow's milk like the majority of westerners), cloth nappies, co sleeping, slings etc. So for us, it was very normal. By aged three or four, the children are obviously not being nursed as frequently as babies are, and I doubt many of my friends outside this group knew I was still nursing, as mostly it was done in the comfort of our own home, a little upon waking, and then before bed. It was a gradual phasing out, and before I knew it, they were fully weaned. And with DD, she was such a petite child, strangers may have assumed she was younger than she was if they did see us nursing outside. Point I am making with this post is that many people are aghast at BFing past babyhood or toddlerhood and think it's rare, but maybe it's not as rare as they think.

Yes @HerMammy definitely just me 😂. I’m absolutely not a ‘we’re pregnant’ type person!!

Suppose I meant ‘in our situation’. I’d always had periods like clockwork apart from missing the odd one during exam times. The length of time without periods after pregnancy really was determined by BF - how frequent in 24 hours, how many months etc. And even that is variable between women - I’ve heard of everything from 1 month to several or more. But almost always an absence of periods for longer than would be the case after pregnancy

Yes I agree it’s far more common than people realise. And very easy to be low key and private about it

I love to see babies breastfeeding. Children not so much. I agree with your DH.

@Otherland do you work? Most lifestyles like that can’t be followed by 2 full time working parents.

The friend who was devastated her children didn’t remember being breastfed also homeschooled her children after about Y2. Her children said they wanted to be in school and were happy there but she disagreed.

Not always sure these ‘alternative’ decisions are made in the best interests of the child

Some of these posts are ignorant and borderline offensive. 4 is still actually very young. It is around the time that children naturally stop, but some will take a bit longer. It’s really up to you op. Do you want to stop at all? With regards to the dummy, how is she speech and her teeth placement?

Well that’s a bit weird

Not enjoying the sexualising of kids on here. It’s not for you to enjoy! It’s nothing to do with what makes other adults uncomfortable.

I agree. It’s nobody else’s business and it’s not like you need to go and preach one way or the other. We all do different things and it’s actually very normal for lots of people.

I breastfed mine until 4 but it was only really at bedtime and first thing. Not in public, mainly because of the timing. Just gradually weaned herself. Does she show any signs of stopping? Do you want to stop?

@Justyouwaitandseeagain

"I wanted to respond to the reply above which described extended breastfeeding as 'unusual and unnecessary' - even though it might not be needed from a nutrition perspective, it is a source of comfort and creates extra antibodies, helping both mum and child fight off illness (helpful with transition through nursery/school) as a bonus it also decreases the mums chances of breast cancer over her whole lifetime. There may well even be other benefits that are not yet fully understood or appreciated."

👆👆👆👆👆👆👆

But also DD really did need it for nutrition and when milk dried up at 2 due to pregnancy it was not a fun time and her nutrition and teeth suffered as a result. I didn't know she would have such a hard time with food when she was a baby but I'm glad a breastfed her and without the second pregnancy I think she would have gone longer than the 3 years we managed

@newnamenewname109870 - we went to the dentist about 6 weeks ago and dentist said everything was fine. She doesnt have the big gap a lot of children who use dummies get. Her speech is also fine.

@lurchermummy she isn't showing any signs of wanting to give up. She comes in my room when she wakes and asks for a feed and asks again in the evening. However, she never asks for it during the day and doesnt ask when we're out somewhere say at a party or something. If DD decided tomorrow she no longer wanted it, I would be fine with this and don't want to keep going for myself, but I'm also okay with the fact that she still wants it and am happy to let her feed.

Sorry but I think 4 is too old. I'm sure some will disagree though

@Pumpkinspicedmum
When she asks you can easily say no, she's not a baby and can understand. It's a habit to your child not a necessity.
Does she get everything she asks for?
Your DH is entitled to input regards HIS child.

@HerMammy

Do you refuse your child a kiss, a cuddle, a drink, a piece of fruit?

I personally think 4 is too old. They don't need breast milk at that age, they get all their nutrition from other foods and drink. A 4 year old should find other ways to soothe themselves. Just my view.
I would definitely be encouraging her weaning.
I formula fed my eldest, breastfed my son until he was 1 and he self weaned, he had had enough. So had I. Was only feeding first thing in morning and last thing at night. He was eating and drinking well and didn't need it. I breastfed my youngest until she was almost 2, I never thought I would do that long. I thought past 6 months was weird! She didn't self wean; she would have carried on. I decided I wanted to stop.
I also think your husband should have a say in this, he is also the parent. I can understand why it embarrasses him. If it was a friend or relative of mine I would find it uncomfortable to watch, but to their own of course.
Good luck whatever you decide x

In what world do you think extended breastfeeding would be an excuse for not having a full time job? Or for not going out 🤨 we aren't talking about a baby who cluster feeds here. Instead of making assumptions perhaps you could talk to mothers who do breastfeed for longer periods. (WHO recommends until AT LEAST 2 years). Although, you probably wouldn't know. I think only one of my friends knows I still breastfeed my (almost) 4 year old, and even very few family members know, because they have no need to know and I don't feel the need to discuss it with them.

I'm not a martyr, I manage to work, socialise and do things, I don't push my partner or any family members away and I certainly don't need to feel any more needed than I do already. I am able to tell my child no and she can accept that, but I've personally seen the benefits it can have. Obviously children shouldn't get their own way with everything, but it is perfectly possible to instill boundaries while still allowing them to decide when they're ready for certain things.

@Whatevercanbedone
I made that comment as there are PPs claiming it's needed, it's not it's a habit now seemingly more needed by the mums.
Your example can have a yes or no reply depending on the circumstance, children don't get to dictate.

She far too old in our culture to be breastfed. Obviously some cultures feed later and do lots of other things which we disagree with. She's also far, far too old for a dummy. Sort that first though, there are no happy hormones in a dummy!

Just tell her that Mummy milk/dummies are for babies and she's too old. She can swap both for something nice.

What benefits does an almost 4 year old get from breastfeeding?

Well for one thing when she was extremely unwell a few months ago it was the only fluid she would take at all. Thanks to breastmilk she didn't need IV fluids and her blood sugars weren't as low as they would have been otherwise, so I'd say that was a pretty big benefit. It also gives some protection from viruses and bugs that her big sister brings home because breastmilk still produces antibodies.

But surely her body needs to learn to fight these things itself or are u planning on breastfeeding for the next 50 years