Who's being a CF here?

[Thatleadsingersbiggestfan]

Ok so help solve this for me please.
DP will be moving in with me & my 2 primary aged DS's later part of this year, date to be confirmed. DP is lovely and both DS's love him.
He has one DD, teens who lives with ex.

Been together 18 months. DP is generally generous. Basic job basic pay, retail.
DP currently living with his dad in his childhood room, only paying £40pw so basically being subsidised to a degree. Dad selling up and moving in with GF soon.
DP has no property, his ex had own house before they met.
I have my own home, mortgaged currently (pretty low payments at this stage) but will be paid off within 5 years or less.

This is also a WWYD.
DP keeps looking at house stuff, ornaments, knick knacks, and furniture etc, yes it's nice he's looking ahead.
Here's the but.
My bedroom furniture will need to be changed, mine is virtually new and I'm happy with it, but DP is tall so he wants to upgrade to a bigger and longer bed (I'm petite) and he also wants a taller wardrobe etc. Fair enough.
He's assuming that I'm going to pay for these?? Or he'll 'chip in' I think where his words when we spoke about it after Xmas. Like it's a favour 🤑.
For context I have a tiny bit of rainy day savings, which I've already eaten into. Struggling like everyone else right now.
I have a low wage p/t job, no means to increase and no support with DSs, no family nearby etc, I get CTC and WFTC, both of which I'll lose once he's moved in.
Should I be telling him he's got to buy the bedroom furniture himself?
I don't feel happy effectively paying for him to move in with me, saving himself maybe 1200pm + in rent and bills he'd have paid once his DF moves away.
Would you expect your shortfall covered at the very least?
Context again, I pay what I can, proportional to my earnings when we go out as a couple, often more than I can afford, but usually less than half.
I don't want to make money from him, but I also don't want to be using any of my own, which I class as for my 2 boys only, to essentially subsidise him moving into my large property cheaply (is-that-even-a-word)
Opinions please MNers!

What's attractive about a man living at home paying £40 a week in the first place? You must be mad if you let him live with you. He has no real idea of how much living costs, he free loaded with his ex and his dad

Ooh I've not heard that one before, I like it! 😂

Contacting = Contributing (ffs)

I'm betting he changes his tune once he has his feet under the table. You need a frank discussion now about how much he is to contribute in relation to rent, utilities. Food costs etc. if he wants new furniture, HE buys it, not you.

Seriously don't move in together.

Let him get some experience of living solo, paying his own way, paying his own rent etc., before you contemplate moving in together.

He can look at furniture all he likes but you're not to pay a red cent for any of it.

Exactly. But let’s focus on the important stuff .. like the type of bed he has in his Dad’s house and the height of wardrobes 🤦🏻‍♀️

As others have said though I wouldn't let him move in. And when I say that you agree figures, DO factor in the loss of the assistance you currently get. He needs to pay that too.

Also as others have said, regardless to what he pays (or does not pay) towards the mortgage, he can take you to court if he's lived there long enough and you break up

This sounds more like you’re moving him in out of pity, to save him from renting as his father is moving on, rather than that you want to live together?

So how much rent will he pay when he moves in?

And what proportion of bills?

What about house stuff like things for the garden, furniture and redecorating?

Sit down and thrash all this out.
You lose money when he moves in, so he should be paying you rent.
How will you thrash out what he pays when you have kids.

The fact that he has NEVER paid his way is a huge red flag.
he has never paid mortgage or rent. £40 per week is a joke.

I think a pp has a great solution. Ask him to live on his own for 6-12 months. Shared house or flat to rent. This is so that he really understands the costs and proves he can support himself.

Have you not had the conversation about finances considering how much you're going to be losing in benefits?

What happens if he suddenly decides he doesnt want to work anymore - or dumps you and disappears?

Jesus, OP, you've only been together 18 months and have young children to consider.

This. I really don't understand why parents do this to their kids. OP it doesn't sound like this benefits them. Heck it doesn't even sound like it benefits you. And to have already made such a huge decision on their behalf without even having a chat about bills?

Why does he need to move in at all? 18 months really isnt that long. Why uproot your kids lives? Lets face it, this is 100% for you and of literally no benefit to them...

He isn't going to go from paying £40 a week to contributing as a fully fledged adult to a household. And then how will you get rid of him? He'll say he can't afford to move out.

So does he never stay over and sleep in your terribly unsuitable bed at the moment?

OP when you were writing your opener how many tries did it take and yet still make him look like a CL?

I like hobosexual. I'm going to use that.

Think you need to have that chat and soon. Before things go too far and you find you've made a huge mistake.

You’ve no reason to think he’ll be tight about paying for things but the first hurdle he’s come up against, he’s expecting you to pay!

I really think you will end up regretting this move.

Respectfully....are you mad?

Think with your head and not your heart.

This. It could all go very wrong very easily.

Massive red flags here.

I wouldn't entertain this without agreeing now, (by you dictating), how much he will pay as 'rent' & also 50% of all bills etc.

Sounds like he needs a serious wake up call.

Also tell him you've been looking at the sums & can't afford to chip on for new furniture but you'll allow him to bring new stuff in. Make sure he knows how much you're
Missing out on by him moving in & see that he makes it up. Even if it's overpaying, you can put some into a rainy day fund. Keep your finances separate though

He should have a heap of money saved up from only paying digs at his dad's, more than enough for furniture.

Is he hasn't then how on earth is he going to go from having all that spare cash to waste, to paying his way at your house.

This sounds like a recipe for disaster op. Please get some legal advice at the very least, protect your asset.

Listen to everyone on here, you are just about to be his next dad, female life support and you are worried about the costs of furniture?! Of course he should be paying and half of every single bill bar none and any loss you are incurring. Please tell me you have this agreed already !!!!!!!

Overall you need a solution that suits both of you.

He should pay for the furniture if you're only buying it because what you have is not suitable for him. But then if he moves out will you let him take it?

also what did he mean by "chip in" - dId he mean half or just that your share the cost by a percentage to be confirmed?

he pays most when you go out but what about food, bills, entertainment?

you will continue paying the mortgage I assume and I might pay some rent plus a share of the bills, perhaps 1/3 since you have two children, but then will his teenage DD be staying with you?

I think you should work out all of this before he moves in

The only person in this pathetic saga with any sense is the father. To shake off his leeching tightwad of a son he is selling his house to get away from him!! What does that tell you.