Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

I said, and you quoted, I don't like his demeanor. But that, I mean, I don't like the attitude he gives off when he's hanging outside the classrooms in the morning.His seemingly arrogant attitude. My child doesn't go to the school, so I don't know anything about him
You seem to have a weird, bordering on unhealthy, level of interest in a teacher you don't know at a school your children don't attend.

Usually I’d say trust your gut, but I definitely think you’re reaching here. You have absolutely no idea of the context and as you say your children don’t go to this school so you don’t know anything really.

There is a male teacher at my DDs school, he puts his arms around the children, every day he stops them at the school doors, he will have one or 2 hands on their shoulders or across their neck/chest and will not let them go until the appropriate adult collecting them steps forward or he sends them to the back of the queue until someone shows up. He’s doing his safe guarding job making sure they don’t run off without the appropriate adult collecting them. This is in full view of parents, many of them who work in jobs were safeguarding children is their role. The only annoying thing about it is my dd is always at he back if the queue and takes forever to come out.

I don’t see this any different than the female teachers who hug and comfort pupils all day every day at school.

Im saying this as someone who dosnt like this teacher, I think he’s a dick but I’ve never seen any reason to think he’s icky and I have very good instincts and at the school more than most parents. I’ve also done safeguarding training, not that I needed it as I grew up in a home with a parent who worked with abused children. I’m usually the one who gets stick because I am “overly cautious” and is under no illusion predators are everywhere.

Batshit. (The OP, that is).

This

Would you have had the same reaction if it had been a female teacher?

I hugged my male boss the other day because he got a promotion. I helped a y7 boy do his tie up last term and had to touch his collar and neck in order to do so. I broke up a fight between two y11 boys on the field last month and had to physically restrain one of them. Last year one of my pupils was vomiting on a coach, I held the bucket and gave them a hug when they were crying. Are all these examples a problem for you op?

This thread has helped me see that the majority of parents don't see this as a problem, so I won't report. I still think it's inappropriate, but it wasn't my child so I'll just leave it there, in hopes it was nothing more than a misguided action.

This is a good example of why the term "safeguarding" is so widely misunderstood and misused. We all have our own values, our own life experiences and differing thresholds for discomfort in certain social situations. My job as a DSL is to try to take the emotion out of it, to carefully examine by own emotional responses and prejudices so I can look at situations objectively and determine whether a child is actually at risk. Just because something makes me feel uncomfortable or uneasy in some way, that doesn't necessarily make it a safeguarding issue.

It wasn't at distance. The path is directly next to the field, I saw it all very clearly.

And yet you seem confused about whether he was squeezing shoulders or touching necks.

I regularly cuddle, pick up, plonk on my lap, stear by the shoulders and stroke the faces of my pupils.
I have never been told that I shouldn't touch a child in any of the safeguarding training that I have had in over 15 years of teaching.
There are certain children that I would never touch, because it is clear from them that they wouldn't like it and I would always respect that.

I would also touch the arm of a colleague of a parent while talking and have hugged colleagues.
I have always been commended on the warm and professional relationships that I have with children/parents/colleagues.

You are overthinking this just because he is male.

I’d bloody love someone to squeeze my shoulder at work. I squeezed my friends hand recently and she wasn’t upset.

I think OP and the picnic table lady would get on very well. They should go for lunch together (so long as they can find separate tables).

You understand that teachers are professionals? That it is part of their job to build rapport to get the most out of each individual student.

Some children will make it clear they don't like being touched. Teachers will understand this and build trust in other ways. Other children feel reassured by an appropriate level of physical contact. Teachers also recognise this and will respond to offer that reassurance. Children aren't robots, they aren't all built the same.

You have no idea of the context. Clearly all the adults present felt this was an appropriate level of contact. The children themselves were visibly comfortable.

You can't teach a child well if they don't like and trust you.

What if it turns out that your daughter is a hugger. That what she needs is human touch. Will you still hope that all her teachers refuse to touch her when she is upset? What if she struggles at school because she is lacking connection to her teachers because they won't meet a need she has.

All children are different and teachers respond to the needs of the individual.

Clearly these children weren't upset in this moment - but maybe that's because they trust and like their teacher because he has built a rapport with them in a way that works

I want my daughter to go to school to make friends, to learn the curriculum and enjoy their childhood.

I think sometimes parents forget that they are not the only adults their children have a relationship with, and how central the teacher-pupil relationship can be to how well their child learns the curriculum. The whole course of your child's educational career and choices can be influenced by which teachers they like and get on with (or don't). And at primary school, their teacher isn't just someone who stands at the front of the room and delivers the curriculum. They are in loco parentis all day every day during term time.

Anyone looking back on their own school days knows this, but somehow they forget it when it comes to their own children.

My son is in yr 3 . When classes come into the yard at home time each class teacher is holding the hand of the first 2 children out in the class .

Make sure your child's reception teacher knows they are never to be touched in any way at all. Either to comfort or just out of affectionate interaction. What a sad world you live in.

Op would your thought process come to the same conclusion if the teacher were female?

You seem to have a problem with this teacher. "...2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanour, not sure why". This is all about you. Agree with others posters who say that you need help.

You've walked past a school and seen this man and you don't like his demeanour so you want to report him?

I am fiercely protective of children and raising awareness of MVAWAC but this isn't it.

I married my boss so he does more than squeeze my shoulders.

How close were you that you could see he was squeezing their shoulders or are you just seeing what you want to see?

I would also like to point out that for a small number of children, school will be the only place where they experience safe, affectionate or playful touch from a trusted adult. I would refuse to work in any school where the "number 1 rule" was to deny them this.

I’m surprised at these reactions too OP. Personally I don’t think he should be touching their shoulders, would these pp’s like it if their colleague or boss was touching their shoulders? My son said one of the male teachers had a habit of doing the same thing (seniors) and he didn’t like it (this was after he left so I couldn’t do anything anyway). If male teachers are being dissuaded from going in to teaching because they not allowed to touch kids shoulders then something is very wrong. I’m with you OP as I don’t like it either but whether I’d ‘report’ it is another matter (hard to say) . Maybe gauge a bit more (subtlety) what your dc think of him.

Good God OP. Please don't bring this attitude to your child's school. Teaching in Primary would be impossible if you were never allowed to touch a child. Of course there would be safeguarding concerns about certain types of contact, but certainly not the type you are describing. It sounds to me like you witnessed a happy, relaxed scene - the sort of teaching we'd like to see in all schools.

No wonder teachers are leaving with parents like you so quick to judge.

My children are primary aged, I’d be gutted if the staff didn’t give them a hug when they were sad, never mind resting a hand on their shoulders?! This is bonkers

My son is disabled and goes to.a special school,he is toilet trained but does occasionally have accidents ,his teachers have cleaned him up and changed him
To.have left him wet and or soiled. Would be a safe guarding issue
my oldest left school on Friday he's 16 one of his teachers hugged him and his friend good buy i.thought it was a caring gesture .

I just re-read the OP. Her child goes to the pre-school that is attached to the primary school where this male teacher works. So she doesn't know him but seems to have only observed him from a distance.