Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

That was because the teacher imparted confidential health information not because she was invading kids personal space. I don’t think it should be reported per se as the OP has no idea of the real situation but I whole heatedly agree that teachers should adhere to the no touching unless necessary rule.

my son said he didn’t like it when a teacher did this and (jokingly) refers to him as the paedo teacher

It's absolutely fine for your son to not like being touched and say so but you need to be nipping this "joke" in the bud

Oh for God ds sake OP, many of us have done safeguarding training and prioritise it, don't be sanctimonious and patronising 😄

Jesus wept - comment by a previous poster - was presumably as you no NOTHING about this scenario but jumped immediately to a career ending conclusion, slagged off the headmistress, and decided he's probably a perv. That's a pitchfork move! Those girls could've been his daughter's for all you know.

Safeguarding doesn't mean jumping to unqualified conclusions - it means acting with the facts - else you won't be taken seriously and nothing will happen. And you must know that being a safeguarding qualified person.

Research has shown that appropriate teacher-pupil touch in the classroom has positive outcomes for children. I’m a teacher and there is absolutely no rule that we can’t touch pupils unless ‘necessary,’ a shoulder squeeze when delivering praise and feedback has been shown to be more effective at raising pupils self-confidence and esteem than delivering the praise with no touch. Using touch in the classroom can improve behaviour, progress and pupil wellbeing.

Obviously touch should be appropriate and take into account factors such as the child’s age, culture etc but it shouldn’t be banned. You don’t know anything about the teacher, the girls or the context in which he was touching the students on the shoulders but it was in public and other professionals witnessed it and felt fine with it. Nothing about it makes it sounds like something to be concerned about.

“I work in a SEND secondary school and we have to shower them and change their nappies, so we literally see them naked and touch them in intimate areas.
Most of the time we have 2 staff there but due to staff shortages we do have to do it 1-1 which parents are ok with.”

this situation sounds like it could easily lead to abuse. There are staff shortages so the parents have to either agree to it or their children can’t attend school. Could a male care assistant be alone with a child showering them? I would not be ok with that for my child. A man in my town was jailed for sexually abusing children in an after school. An women was fired for being very physically abusive to the kids - not sure if she was prosecuted. They are just two in my local area that happen to have been caught - makes me wonder what else is going on.

@Slidingdowntherainbow I work with young children. I change their clothes when they've had an accident, I help them with jumper and shoes, I give them a hug when they're upset and if they put their hand in mine, I'll hold their hand. None of these things I'd appreciate a male boss doing to me, as you've asked a few times, because it's a different scenario.

Are you okay?

He’s left the school now and he’s allowed to say what he bloody likes in his own home. It’s not a silly comparison, my son did not like his teacher squeezing his shoulders so I don’t give a rats arse what you think my dear.

Op you say there is something about him that you don't like. Can you pinpoint more precisely what it is about his behaviour or demeanour that puts you on edge? Have you read the gift of fear? It's very good at helping you do exactly this.

This could be something, but is probably nothing. It could be an gradual erosion of boundaries, it could be him offering a bit of reassurance. We don't know. But child protection is everyone's responsibility.

So if he didn’t like it, why not raise it properly rather than slandering the teacher?

I'm a female teaching assistant. I now work in secondary school but when I worked in a primary school a couple of little boys liked to hold my hands and chat to me as we walked around the playground when I was on break duty. Is this inappropriate? Or is it perfectly normal because I am a woman?

Why? He’s not at the school, he finished school years ago. Are you saying there’s no such thing as a creepy teacher?

How do you feel when your male boss or colleague squeezes your shoulder?
I felt cared about actually.

As we know... The vast majority of this is completely innocent... But it is EXACTLY the school culture where pedophiles will hang out.

There is no way of knowing whether it is innocent or not, until one of the hundred escalates to sex abuse.

Ever wondered why the number of PE teachers /coaches/music teachers are found to be abusers? Exactly the skills where adult touching children (appropriately) is normalised. It provides them a plausible deniability to escalate their abuse. 'i was only checking her rib cage to show she was breathing properly for singing... "
🙄

ive hugged or given physical affection/support to a lot of nervous year 11s in the last couple of weeks.

A year 11 lad literally cried on my shoulder after a particularly disastrous exam situation last week. He had to stoop down as he's taller than me! 😂
Can you imagine if I'd refused to touch him? It wasn't a safeguarding issue, there was a colleague in the room who saw me put my arm around the crying lad and give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder and it clearly wasn't sexual or violent in any way.

Oh and if a male colleague squeezed my shoulder, it wouldn’t cross my mind to be offended. Last week our team won a pitch after loads of hard work, all team members hugged and kissed. No one called HR. No one was left with mental health issues.

I honestly wouldn't give a shit if I saw my son's teacher with his hand on his shoulder, or putting an arm around him, or giving him a hug.

When my son was really upset, his teacher (a female, so maybe that's different to you) brought him out to me holding his hand. Didn't even give it a thought until this thread.

There's actually been times when my son has been hurt at school and a cuddle would have made him feel better (he's only just 7) and I think it's a shame no one has given him one, but I guess this is why.

It is ok to be more suspicious of men - given that there is a higher offending rate among men.

By having separate toilets and hospital wards for men are we implying all men are potential sex offenders - or just recognising the reality that most sex crimes are committed be men - and most victims are women.

93% YABU votes.

This isn't some 52-48 result OP. Time to log off and stop making yourself out to be even more of a clown.

Honestly I think with this level of paranoia you probably need to talk it through in therapy. I’m assuming you have some level of trauma in your past which is affecting your ability to judge normal interactions appropriately.

My brother told me years ago that one of the male teachers at his school was arrested for child s*x abuse, not saying obviously that this is the case here as the real ones are probably a lot more covert but the acceptance that teachers are above reproach is very naive.

What you saw was a quick snapshot, a brief moment of relaxed school life.
You witnessed that the children were laughing and relaxed and walking along happily.

You witnessed that the HT witnessed it all along with her colleague and they showed no concern either. In fact showed their approval by laughing along joyfully.
What exactly did you think you were seeing ?
Grooming of two children in full sight of HT, a colleague and passers by ?

If you are convinced that’s really what you thought you were seeing then yes you need to report it.
But first, consider this …….Could it not have been a teacher building a rapport with his pupils. Or building their confidence or congratulating them for their achievements or thanking them for their hard work or asking if they would help put sports equipment away or kindly guiding them on something they were having difficulty with or maybe even just sharing an anecdote.
Had you considered any of those and a hundred other possible scenarios ?
In your mind, all you know from your training is that primary school teachers shouldn’t touch children….even in a friendly way or an accidental way or to shake hands or to reassure a child or to care for them or protect and guide them.
It can’t be that black or white really can it. Primary school teachers are human. In fact they have to be full of kind and loving humanity to do their jobs successfully.

Maybe you should ask more about this at your next safeguarding training OP.

Im with you on this OP. @StrictlyAFemaleFemale has explained it better than I could.

As we know... The vast majority of this is completely innocent... But it is EXACTLY the school culture where pedophiles will hang out.

The sad reality is that paedophiles "hang out" absolutely everywhere. A child is more likely to be sexually abused in their own home than anywhere else.