Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

I’m a safeguarding officer and nah, you’ve read the training wrong

You saw it-you didn’t hear what was said before or during that. I don’t think squeezing shoulders of two pupils in front of an audience is an issue.
you haven’t answered the question of whether you would be thinking this way if the teacher was female yet? And are you potentially biased here because this particular teacher ”gives you the ick”

Children need touch.

Honestly, you're being quite mad. (I say this as someone who sometimes gets a touch of the mads myself).

I suggest therapy. For you.

In all the safeguarding training I have had, I have never, ever heard that children shouldn't be touched.

I think you haven't understood the training you have had!

How do you feel when your male boss or colleague squeezes your shoulder? Does it just solidify your professional working relationship? You welcome it?

Safeguarding either trumps everything, and therefore a teacher should not be squeezing shoulders, or it doesn't and touching pupils is fair game. Which is it?

You’ve set up a false dichotomy. Safeguarding trumps everything, but safeguarding does not equal “never touching a child”. The teacher was walking, outside, in public and in full view of everyone. It was an interaction that, by the sound of it, nobody else other than you thought was problematic. Context really matters.

Couldn't give a shit if my male boss squeezed my shoulders, why the hell would I? What's it even got to do with him being male? You're a crank, admit it.

If you've had safeguarding training you'd know to report it straight away, not to come on an Internet forum and ask a bunch of anonymous strangers

Oh dear, you've clearly missed the most relevant bits. Go back and have a look.

Teachers aren't colleagues. They're loco parentis. And children aren't adults.

Imagine a nursery school where the children aren't touched. Your world is sad.

Men are indeed more likely to abuse children.
And the children they abuse are statistically likely to know them as Grandad.

If you're so certain that this is absolutely abhorrent and a massive safeguarding concern then just report it.

Why are you seeking validation on the Internet first?

I think it looks like many of us here have had safeguarding training; we don’t need to have another look because we disagree with you.
and answer the questions!

School DSL here. Unfortunately the word "safeguarding" is widely misunderstood and overused. For something to be a safeguarding issue a child or vulnerable adult has to be at risk of harm. There is nothing in your OP to indicate that a child has been harmed, or is at risk of harm. A member of staff (especially at primary level) placing a hand on a child's shoulder as they walk from one place to another is not unusual behaviour, nor is it dangerous or (as you seem to be implying) sexualised.

I think you've rather given yourself away with this sentence

I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why

You are scrutinising this male teachers behaviour and looking for evidence of impropriety because you do not like him. Sadly, this is all too common in school communities and is one of the reasons Teaching is facing a mass exodus of dedicated staff, and why male Teachers are often reluctant to go into primary education in particular. This is a great shame because I have worked with many, many DC over the years who have no positive male role models outside of school and benefit hugely from building trusting relationships with male teaching staff.

If you report this man for this absolute non-issue then not only will you make yourself look foolish, you will be adding to the workload and stress of staff who are already overstretched and could really do without having to deal with malicious complaints.

Bullshit. And if you reported it to HR, they'd have words with him too. You don't go around squeezing people's shoulders, especially in professional environments and even more so you children.

Another false dichotomy.

OP: AIBU??
MN: YABU
OP: No I'm not!!!

Yawn.

I'm genuinely surprised at the responses. I've worked in many jobs that require safeguarding training and the No1 is don't touch children unless it's to provide necessary assistance.

This is not at all the no 1 rule when working with young children.

Oh dear, you've clearly missed the most relevant bits. Go back and have a look
Rude. Your obvious dislike for this man shines through clearly, which is really unpleasant.
I'm a primary Head, DSL and think you're absolutely barking. And please don't tell me I don't 'get' safeguarding. My male staff know exactly what constitutes appropriate touch and are trusted professionals.

1. would you report it if it was a female teacher

2. this male teacher gives you the ick and you don’t like his demeanour; is that impacting how you are viewing this

Good lord. I have completed all my safeguarding training. And this absolutely does not need to be reported. Poor teacher.

I would not want my boss (male or female) to touch my shoulders. However, I would also not want my boss to:
Correct my behaviour when I'm eating
Tell me to be quiet when I'm talking out of turn
Suggest I think about what I've done
Praise me with stickers
Hug me if I scrape my knee
Tell my mum what I've got up to...
You get the point, right OP? School is not a workplace for children. Different rules apply

I don't know the man, so how can I dislike him?

I said, and you quoted, I don't like his demeanor. But that, I mean, I don't like the attitude he gives off when he's hanging outside the classrooms in the morning. His seemingly arrogant attitude. My child doesn't go to the school, so I don't know anything about him.

As a DSL lead, you really can't be advocating that it's ok for any teacher to be touching childrens shoulders unnecessarily.

The children weren't upset and needing a quick cuddle. Not were they playing a game of tag or something that requires physical contact.

I'm shocked that as a DSL lead you seem to know nothing about appropriate boundaries. Perhaps you could ask Ofsted if squeezing pupils shoulders in a prolonged way is appropriate, I'd be interested to see their response.

You don't like this man, by your own admission, so anything he does you'd find fault with. You've grabbed your pitchfork and are hell bent on whipping up a witch hunt.

Yes of course I would be comfortable with that. I live in a country where everyone kisses as a greeting ...including my boss.