Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

It’s not unheard of for people to go the extra mile to appreciate teachers because they re men, even if they are not that great.

And it’s not unheard of for people to not like male teachers for no reason other than they are men.

It’s not unheard of for people to go the extra mile to appreciate teachers because they re men, even if they are not that great.
In my experience both of those can be true.

Wow, just wow!

Teachers aren't veritable strangers...

They are with the kids hours upon hours. More time awake than with the parents.

I do think this is key. I don't think parents realise how well their children know their teachers and vice versa, especially in primary school. The teachers may be virtual strangers to you. They are very much not strangers to your child.

You are going to your daughter's lives very difficult.

I think our daughters lives/are will be difficult.

They will be - if they are not already - exposed to pornography, and - more generally to a visual culture which tells them their only worth lies in their appearance.

They are growing up in a world where if they don't conform to feminine stereotypes they'll be asked if they are trans.

Their single sex spaces - in sports, toilets, changing areas - are under threat.

If they are sexually assaulted their chances of securing a conviction are extremely low.

One of the things I wondered is whether they might be laughing when their male teacher had his hands on them, is because they have already learned the lesson that male attention validates them, and that there are risks involved in refusing that attention. And that the female teachers who observed this interaction felt that the girls acceptance of this attention was part of the natural order of things. The girls were not just learning literacy and numeracy, but how to behave in response to male touch.

Strangers as in the children know very little about the teacher.
They may spend hours every day with them but it’s not a family relationship.

The kiddos are there to learn and the teacher to impart knowledge. Obviously some teachers are more open about themselves than others but in general I would say all of my childrens’ teachers over their school lives were almost complete strangers.
Children know their teacher as a teacher - they do not know that person in any depth outside of their school life.

You can work with colleagues every single day for hours on end and still know very little about them.

And I will still hug colleagues or touch their arm or give their shoulder a reassuring squeeze because I might not know their entire life history but I spend hours a day around them and we are comfortable around each other and aren't strangers.

Also the PP going on about it being "teaching girls how to respond to men" you're making the point very clear. You don't trust men.

@LaGiaconda do you think they wouldn't have been laughing if it was a female teacher?

If this actually happened and you genuinely believe it is a safeguarding issue then shouldn't you be reporting it without any hesitation, rather than worrying about the embarrassment factor of the headteacher knowing it was you who did the reporting?
It didn't happen did it?

For all u pu know they might have been his kids

@fUNNYfACE36 I did wonder that!

You don't trust men.

Always impressed by the deep psychological insight of Mumsnet

What I would say is that 1 in 4 women will experience rape or sexual assault. A far greater proportion of girls and women will experience things lesser intrusions in the shape of like unwanted touching, being sent unsolicited images etc.

As mothers we can support our daughters by making it very clear that they have rights to bodily autonomy. If they are not happy with someone patting them or stroking them, then they should be enabled to say so.

Given the power imbalance between teachers and pupils, I think there is an obvious need for professionalism and boundaries in relation to physical contact.

One of the things that made me wonder about this incident which can be framed as innocent friendliness is who was on the receiving end.

And I feel pretty sure that those girls/boys in that class who were neglected, who smelled unwashed, who had childhood obesity because of a poor diet at home, were not the ones who received this demonstration of friendliness.

Or its an insight that you are judging the situation more because of the genders. A male teacher could equally inappropriately touch a male pupil, in fact as mentioned above the historic "jokes" about sexual abuse were aimed at men with young boys.

Females are also able to inappropriately touch males and other females but because of such vitriol about men, about their touch being so wildly evil and wicked, men don't feel empowered to report it where women are far more likely to be believed and listened to. In fact there are stories about men who have their lives ruined by accusations which have turned out to have been made by jealous women, women they've never even met sometimes.

But, please, continue to say that a male teacher briefly touching two pupils' shoulders in full view of other staff and pupils as well as the public with no further context, from across a field, by someone who has openly admitted to prejudice against him, is problematic

Has the OP clarified how old the girls were?

And I feel pretty sure that those girls/boys in that class who were neglected, who smelled unwashed, who had childhood obesity because of a poor diet at home, were not the ones who received this demonstration of friendliness.

Interesting point of view

But it's not accurate. I worked in safeguarding in schools for 25 years, and those children who were identified as being in need of care, love, and being noticed, were given those things - schools in my experience are full of people who would want to show that to children for whom it would make a difference, for all the best reasons. Please don't make such horrible assumptions, it's unhelpful at best.

For what it's worth my partner worked as a lawyer doing children's care cases for a large local authority. It is true that teachers during his time in this role were very aware of children coming from backgrounds where there was neglect and abuse. However it became progressively more and more difficult to get Social Services involved, call case conferences etc. This continues to be an issue.
My daughter found it to be even harder to get interventions while working as a primary school in a depressed town in the middle of a rural area. There the problem was compounded by a culture among the staff that nothing much could be expected from/for these children. The rather rosy view being put forward here that little Jack or young Sadia will have her life positively transformed by a hair-ruffling teacher doesn't entirely convince me. Though yes, a good school community can provide a sort of refuge for children whose home life is unsafe.

Not 'for' a large local authority. I mean that his office was based within a large urban area.

I was quoting someone else and most of us on here have gone through the education system that's why they are posting here they have an opinion. Don't belittle other peoples experience, please. It's not nice and makes people even more wary of the system.

Holy heck!
This morning whilst playing outside with children at an OOSC i manage and am DSL, a child was ‘chilly’ she came to me and told me so, i put my arm around her as if to warm her.
from now on i shall resist this, put my arms in the air and / or refuse….. to care for the children i chose my career to be in.

Jesus wept!

And I feel pretty sure that those girls/boys in that class who were neglected, who smelled unwashed, who had childhood obesity because of a poor diet at home, were not the ones who received this demonstration of friendliness.

You 'feel pretty sure' that teachers offer gestures of kindness and comfort to students who are fragrant, slim and well-looked? Rught you are

Thank god 90% think YABU!

Why should she escalate?...the complaints were made and investigated if they are legitimate he wouldn't be in his job but if they are malicious no reason why he should suffer more. The complaints could also be from the same parents who think men in education is creepy ...and we've seen one of them here

Yep lol I saw one of mine laughing with a teacher yesterday sitting her down for a grilling now laughing is a sure sign of being uncomfortable didn't you know???