Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

They were your words. You suggested OP excerted some caution before creating a character assassination, when she’s asked for advice about reporting.
Because she has created a character assassination about this person.

She doesn't know him.
She hasn't met him.
She has nothing to do with the school.
Her children have nothing to do with the school or this person.

Despite this she's decided that:

• he is a big presence
• she doesn't like his demeanor
• he is arrogant
• he gives her the ick
• he's out of order for having physical contact with pupils (who she doesn't know) which was observed by the head teacher (who she also decided is probably going to be defensive)

She seems to have developed an odd depth of opinion on someone she openly admits she doesn't know based.

Advising caution is a wise thing in this situation.

The OP needs to stop, pause and consider whether:

1. They have a genuine safeguarding concern. If they do then they should contact the school and outline factually what they saw, without speculation or their personal personality assessments of the person concerned (e.g. I was outside school grounds and saw this male member of staff walking with pupils on school grounds touching pupils' shoulders in view of the head teacher).

Or

1. They have developed their own personal opinions about a member of staff (that by their own admission, they don't know and haven't met) and are interpreting the actions of someone they haven't met through their own lens and opinions.

Personally I think the OP would benefit from pausing and clarifying which of the two this is before deciding on a course of action.

Sounds like they were playing a game OP, maybe something like mafia, get a grip

I’ve just clicked on a thread posted at the bottom of this one called ‘Inappropriate teacher?’.

The majority of people on that thread think a teacher telling a 6yr that she was naughty at new year because she had a cigarette, apparently warrants reporting to the Head teacher.p for over sharing personal info.

Yet over here on this thread, OP’s concerns about a male teacher with his arms round shoulders of girls walking round playing field - hunky dory, definitely all ok and of course the OP should not report it to the head 🤔

He didn't have his arms around their shoulders. He had a hand on their shoulder and wasn't walking round. It was about 30 seconds, although from the other changes OP made, I'd think probably less.

I too am surprised at some of these responses. I have had extensive safeguarding training as a teacher and now in my new employment . The male teacher (or indeed female teacher) should not be touching any pupil unless it is to restrain them or if they are in imminent danger. Eg. getting run over.

Hands then!!! Jeez 🙄

The OP states

‘….walking along the playing field’

Hands on shoulders and arms round shoulders are two different things

As are walking around and walking along.

Hands on shoulders, walking along is a short term "attention on me for a moment"

Arms around and walking around is more like a stroll

There is a big difference between a hand on the outside of the shoulder (for 30 seconds) and arms draped around a shoulder

And so what you’re saying is that there’s no other option for a teacher to walk side by side without touching the children? 🤔

It really is worrying that so many on this thread have been so quickly dismissive of teachers touching children when they really don’t need to.
As @Redbone said - there’s very few times when a teacher should be needing to touch children.

If we are being pedantic….
How exactly do you put your hands on someone’s shoulders, if you’re standing in the middle of them, without your arm draping across their back? 🤔

The head was watching....the head will be the safeguarding lead. Nothing was hidden or clandestine. The op has nothing to do with the school despite regularly walking past and seeing this teacher who she doesn't like because of the way he stands and looks (male I presume) she hasn't heard him speak even but has decided on looks alone he gives her the ick....I wonder what people would say about a man unassociated with a school regularly walking past leering through the fence watching the children....

We see all the time coaches touching their team members on shoulders as they reassuringly talk to them does this imply every coach is having a relationship with the person they coach? Or does it suddenly become acceptable once both parties are over 18?

Idk
Maybe because children are SHORTER than an adult usually it's quiet easy to reach down and touch their shoulders without draping arms around them. Or you walk slightly behind, arm outstretched so it's steering them... its not such a wild view.

It's also not pedantic. Because the exact nature of the situation dictates the concern. Having a clear and exact understanding is important.

I mean, she has a reason to be near the school as her DD is in nursery.

But it does feel like OP stood watching the children on the field to observe this. And that's a little weird.

She's also constantly avoided the question "would you feel the same if it was a female member of staff" which is pretty damn telling

Why is the op continuously standing around snooping on a school they have nothing to do with ? You make it sound like she stood watching for 5 minutes....why is she there every day what's her purpose?

I do feel there are different boundaries for women and men.

I would be less bothered by seeing a man with his hands on two boys shoulders than two girls, unless it looked a bit creepy and the boys looked uncomfortable.

I would be less bothered seeing a female teacher with her hands on girl’s shoulder than on boys too, again unless those girls looked uncomfortable.

So that's also nuts because it implies that you're not worried about adults attracted to children of the same sex?
Hands on shoulders are a reassuring gesture not sexualised anyway. What we should be doing is teaching children that if they feel uncomfortable it's okay to say I don't like that regardless of who it is....including their parents.

Women are capable of child abuse not only men.
amp.theguardian.com/society/2009/oct/01/vanessa-george-sex-abuse

It isn’t about sexual orientation, it’s about the children’s boundaries.

So I don’t think it would be right for a female PE teacher to go into the boys’ changing room even if she was a lesbian. It would not be right for a male PE teacher to go into the girls’ changing room, even if he was gay.

I’ve worked in nurseries, schools and the NHS (with children) and have never been told on safeguarding training not to touch children. We get told not to be alone with them though so people like you can’t make accusations.

So your safeguarding training centred on safeguarding the staff, not safeguarding the children. Interesting. 🤔

OP: AIBU?
91% of people: YABU.
OP: No I'm not!

OP, did you start this thread for attention or what?

I’m an experienced secondary SLT member. I understand one safeguarding rule to be: ‘If in doubt, report.’ Personally, from what OP has said, I see no need for the teacher concerned to have squeezed the girls’ shoulders. This said, I periodically tap male students on the shoulder when reminding them of uniform rules. I would be very upset if my contact was interpreted in a sinister way. I would never touch a female student. I still think your question is valid, OP.

1. The op standing there watching a school her child does no go to, to the extent that she observed, is creepier.

2. safeguarding training does not advise no touching.