Contacting school about male teacher

[Slidingdowntherainbow]

My child goes to a preschool attached to a primary school. The Head is always on the gate each morning welcoming children (and parents) in the gates, we see her every morning.

The other day, I went to collect my child earlier than usual and walked past the playing field as usual, it's on the way to the preschool.

It was a hot day and the Head, along with another female colleague, was sitting on a grass bank watching the children and I know they saw this as they laughed.

A male teacher was walking along the playing field with each hand squeezing two girls shoulders. So he was between them, with a hand on each of their outside shoulders, seemingly squeezing. The girls were giggling and the the Head laughed. Not that I think it matters as he shouldn't be touching them at all, but it wasn't a quick squeeze, he was more resting his hands there for a good 30 seconds I'd say.

Anyway, it may be nothing, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 1) it's inappropriate to touch a pupil for no good reason 2) he gives me the ick anyway, he's a big presence and I sometimes see him when dropping my child off and I just don't like his demeanor, not sure why.

Do I report this? My child won't be going to this school so I'm not worried about that. More that the Head actually saw this with her own eyes and laughed, so I suspect will be defensive. I then have to walk past her daily, potentially for the next two years. Unfortunately I can't report anonymously as I was the only person walking past at this time.

I'm not suggesting anything more than this has happened, but isn't this a slippery slope? Should a teacher (especially male), be touching pupils necks?

Would appreciate opinions please!

Neither of which are this situation.

The girls were comfortable, laughing with the teacher.

You have clearly said you're less bothered by a woman touching a girl, man touching a boy.....that implies your thinking sexually and ignoring the fact that they may have homosexual leanings .....your either any touching or biased. Because the only reason you can think a hand on a shoulder is inappropriate in these circumstances is a sexually inappropriate one.

Is a hand on shoulder a squeeze or is it a reassuring touch are children denied reassurance for fear of accusations?
Why do you tap about a uniform rule rather than speak?

Are you unable to see this from the child’s perspective?

The Head and another teacher were watching the same incident as you. I'd trust their trained, qualified judgement over yours.

You ask if we'd be comfortable with our male bosses squeezing our shoulders - yet you very clearly state that the girls were giggling. This doesn't sound to me like they were uncomfortable so I think you've shot yourself in the foot with that one. What if he'd been shaking hands with them? Or playing a clapping game for example. What's the difference?

A child is just as likely to be uncomfortable being touched by someone of the same sex

At least you've said you'd be less concerned by a man touching a boy's shoulder. But then again... aren't the "jokes" about priests and Scout leaders based on the fact a lot of adult males prey on young boys...

I work in LA Education It probably won't surprise you to know perhaps that every year, we get one or two parents pulling kids from certain schools or classes "because they don't want a male primary school teacher". They dress it up as something else but the reality is that they just don't like it, and don't want "men they don't know" around their kids.

I’d have to replay every interaction to give a definitive answer, though I always speak. If a student is on their own they know I am addressing them so I would only speak. If a student is in a group and I do not know his name, I might point at the low tie or shirt out (palm up, outstretched, rather than aggressively) and speak. I’m guessing that I’m most likely to tap a student’s shoulder where he’s in a group passing very close to me as there’s no space for an outstretched arm. Whatever I feel about uniform, I’m expected to encourage its correct wearing. When I do tap, I’m trying to reinforce uniform rules in a calm but direct manner. If anyone’s still reading, my main point was that I believe the OP’s question was legitimate. I’m not convinced that the fact that the girls were giggling and appeared comfortable means that they were. Even if they were, that doesn’t make the teacher’s actions appropriate. Nor does it mean the teacher had any sinister motive. A subsequent poster’s question about ‘What if a male pupil has homosexual leanings?’ is also legitimate.

I’m inclined to think if it makes you feel uncomfortable, then sometimes you need to listen to your instincts.

But from what you’ve said it sounds rather innocent to me. My Son plays for the school football team and their male teacher is the coach. As they were leaving the field one time he ran up behind them and put his arms on their shoulders. The boys also do it to each other. I interpret it as a bit of camaraderie as team mates.

I’m sure if the girls didn’t like it they would have told their parents and their parents would have dealt with it. I’d also say that the teacher would be aware that a member of the public could see, so I think if the teacher was a paedo they’d probably not do it in the open!

Totally a hand on a shoulder is not at all comparable to being leered at by anybody male female or child nobody should be forced to strip in front of others which is why so many hate pe.
The children were happy and laughing hardly the act of scared kids....you're not seeing it through those children's eyes but through biased adult ones. Not every male teacher is a Jimmy Saville.

I'd be more pissed at you tapping me than speaking to me if you're close enough to touch you are close enough to step in front and speak that's just disrespectful and rude not setting an example at all.....but not sexual.

Yep that's the ops ick feeling

Another teacher here. Primary. It’s ok to touch kids shoulders. But you don’t want to listed to the vast majority here, so go ahead, slander his name, soil his reputation and damage his career, because you came here wanting to be right and unwilling to accept that you’re not.

I'd love my boss to praise me with stickers. In fact I think I'll suggest it tomorrow!

How ridiculous are you. It's you that has issues clearly!

Omg seriously stop looking for a problem. Get over it

I don't know why you've bothered to post. You've already made your mind up and and are really defensive to anyone that disagrees with you. If you feel really strongly about it report it. Just don't expect everyone to agree with you

You really are wrong OP. Nothing odd about this behaviour from the male teacher. My friends husband is a head teacher in very depraved school with lots of safeguarded children and those children are very responsive to the care and affection they are shown at school.
My daughter was in reception when we went in to lockdown and it was so sad that teachers couldn’t touch abs wear a visor etc is they fell over got hurt etc.
Also, I am a female senior manager who has teams across various locations. I will go behind someone desk and touch someone’s shoulder or arms. Not in an overly familiar way but I have worked with them for a long time and have a relationship with them. We spend 9 hours a day together. We are not robots.
I think you need to think about your stance on physical contact. Your child will be very detached if she adopts this mentality.

Why would it affect his career if he's genuinely done nothing wrong? Op can make a confidential complaint to the head who can deal with it according to the protocol and if nothing is wrong there will be no negative outcome for the teacher and no one else will know. I really don't think worrying about someone's career is a good reason not to report a safeguarding concern.

Crikey, I'm surprised at the venom on here towards the OP, but then I agree with OP situation seems inappropriate and I wouldn't want my (imaginary) year 7 daughter to be touched by a male or female teacher, so therefore the same applies to my imaginary year 5 or 6 child.

Yes my safeguarding training says no inappropriate touching, I touch children as part of my job, so appropriate is difficult.

What really surprises me is that IRL I'm pretty sure if a group of my playgroup parents saw this happening, they'd be up in arms as opposed to the opposite on here.

No on the strength of what the OP saw I wouldn't want the person sacked, but a question raised and maybe advice to be given.

I’m a social worker, working in child protection, and this doesn’t concern me. You don’t know the situation, and it was in full view of other staff.
The girls weren’t bothered by it, and what a fantastic thing for them to have a male role model that they feel secure and happy with in school.

Toomuchtrouble4me
To be fair no career is going to be ended by OP calling the school and saying "hello, I'd like to talk to the head please. Yes, I'd like to report this member of staff. I don't like their mannerisms and think they're arrogant. No, I don't know them, no my children aren't taught by them but I've watched this member of staff from a distance on several occasions and have decided they give me the ick, so when I saw them touch pupils on the shoulder I decided this was a safeguarding incident. You were there but I wanted to inform you that this happened".

Regardless of the OP's thread, not wanting to ruin a career wouldn't be a good reason not to report a genuine safeguarding concern.

If the OP has a genuine concern then they need to factually report the concerns without their own spin or personality assessments, and tell the head that they are reporting a safeguarding concern because they saw a member of staff touch pupils on the shoulder and that the head was present when it happened.

You do not have to physically touch a child in order for them to feel reassured.
Why do so many people think touching from veritable strangers is necessary and actually saying it’s harmful not to touch children? I mean - from parents and siblings, close friends…of course. It’s important.
But from teachers it isn’t necessary in almost every situation other than safety, medical needs or a quick high five etc.

The OP isn’t saying she doesn’t touch her own child!!
She genuinely questioning whether a teacher should be putting his hands onto students shoulders on the playing field.

As a female senior manager, if you came behind my desk and touched my arms and shoulders, I’d be putting in a complaint! Not everybody enjoys being touched by strangers/work collègues/teachers.