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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I don't have time to read'

259 replies

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 08:47

Does anyone else get this?

Hobbies wise, apart from walks, I'm not massively active, so I'd say my main hobbies are reading, and listening to podcasts.

The amount of times friends have said they 'don't have time' for either of these things really baffles me - and actually makes me wonder why they seem to say it in a way that implies I have more hours in my day than they do.

We are all at similar points in our lives; working, children, partners, homes to run. They have the time, they just don't have the inclination.

AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 30/05/2023 14:18

FuckTheLemonsandBail · 30/05/2023 09:07

What they mean is that they don't really like it so they don't prioritise it, which is fine.

There's a weird snobbery around reading, as if everyone should be doing it and it's frankly weird if you don't, and that other pastimes such as watching soaps or social media are lowbrow and embarrassing in comparison.

People pick up on that so it's easier to say 'I don't have time to read' then 'I don't like reading' or even 'I can't get on with reading' or 'I choose not to read'.

I say all of this as an avid reader.

Yes, absolutely this. I am also an avid reader, and I've noticed that a lot of people seem to feel like they have to justify their lack of reading to me. In fact, I really don't care whether people read or not, and I don't think reading is some sort of special virtuous thing. It's just a hobby and it's no more valid than any other hobby. But there are some readers who act as if not reading for pleasure must mean you're some sort of ignorant philistine, and that makes people feel guilty about, so they feel they can't be honest about not really enjoying reading as much as other things.

OP, your friends are not judging you for having time to read. They are just worried that you will judge them for not liking reading. I'm sure you wouldn't do that, but there is a weird societal thing about reading that gets under people's skin. Don't worry about it.

TheOrigRights · 30/05/2023 14:24

ContinuousProcrastination · 30/05/2023 13:56

theorigrights is that so rare with young kids?

I work almost full time & have young kids & my work timetable means i'm either working or have the kids home(no time off when they are in school or childcare). I often have to catch up a bit of work after the kids are in bed and do batch cooking, housework, life admin etc then too. I start work v early so i can finish just after school run, so I'm in bed by 9.30pm most nights. I don't get a lot of time alone for myself (although I'm gradually getting more and more as my youngest approaches school age & is will play more and more independently). Its not forever.

Probably not - we easily forgot (my youngest is 14).
I was fortunate to have a job that enabled me to do exercise during my lunch time (showers, lovely grounds, flexible) which was good.

I did have a few years of 'having it all' i.e. starting work really early a few times a way in order to finish in time to collect after school. And then I'd do all the stuff SAHPs do after school but not having had the day to myself/to do other things.

ManateeFair · 30/05/2023 14:26

I read every day, at night when I get into bed. Sometimes I only make a page or two before I am falling asleep

That's great for you, but not everyone gets much enjoyment out of only reading a couple of pages at a time. Some people only enjoy reading if they have a nice big chunk of uninterrupted quiet time to really immerse themselves for an hour or two. I have friends who don't read anything for most of the year, but really relish reading on holiday, purely because that's really the only time they can read for a few hours straight.

Timeturnerplease · 30/05/2023 14:51

I used to be an avid reader, and did judge non readers a little. Not bothered about tv at all.

However we now have a preschooler and a toddler. The day starts with drop off at grandparents at 7.15am, and end with me collecting them around 5 Then it’s a blur of DH cooking, me putting the children to bed etc. Then I have to do 3ish hours work to mark, prep lessons, complete SEND tasks etc (teacher) before bed. I challenge even my old self to be able to focus on a book after that.

I don’t usually work weekend evenings after the children are in bed but DH understandably wants us to spend time together then.

It’s a bit sad that we’re all now too busy and exhausted to read any more.

Asthenia · 30/05/2023 15:10

I love reading and do it all the time - it’s very much a habit. When I had a baby last year so many people said things along the lines of “your reading will go out the window!” and said they never have time to read. But having a newborn was the perfect time to read! Spent many happy hours breastfeeding and reading.
I often read on my commute instead of listening to music or podcasts. It’s just about what you prioritise - to me, reading is a hobby. To lots of other people it’s a chore and that’s fine!

AlltheFs · 30/05/2023 15:22

Asthenia · 30/05/2023 15:10

I love reading and do it all the time - it’s very much a habit. When I had a baby last year so many people said things along the lines of “your reading will go out the window!” and said they never have time to read. But having a newborn was the perfect time to read! Spent many happy hours breastfeeding and reading.
I often read on my commute instead of listening to music or podcasts. It’s just about what you prioritise - to me, reading is a hobby. To lots of other people it’s a chore and that’s fine!

It’s lovely when they are little. It goes to shit when they are bigger believe me. It has taken me 2 weeks to watch 1hr of a TV programme. It can take me a year to do a whole box set. I don’t enjoy reading when it is just a page at a time. I need to get in to it.
My commute is all by car so no reading then although I do audiobooks instead.

It’s not a chore for me, but like exercise there’s just no window of time to do it. The pulls from everyone else that need my input are relentless from 6am until 11pm every single day.
I am hoping it will be easier when DD is a teen and doesn’t come out of her bedroom! But time spent now being Fireman Sam is precious.
I suppose there’s at least the bedtime stories although I’m developing an absolute hatred of the Mr Men. All irritating little bastards.

Pottedpalm · 30/05/2023 15:23

Bananarepublic · 30/05/2023 08:55

Your friends do have time to read but prioritise other things.

They also practise competitive busyness, which is really annoying (I just don't have time for x,y,z because I am so busy!

Exactly this.
Oh I’m sooo busy!!

drawersmoe · 30/05/2023 15:28

I love reading but don't have time for it. Reading needs undivided attention whereas I can watch tv/listen to a podcast when I word, tidy, bake, cook etc

SisterAgatha · 30/05/2023 15:28

My ex-ILs used to be extremely sniffy about anything I spent time doing and claimed it showed I had too much time on my hands

mine are exactly the same as this. some people like to pour scorn. That’s what they spend their time doing instead of reading I’ve found haha!

Sartre · 30/05/2023 15:28

They don’t want to read but think they’ll sound stupid if they say so. Simple as that. Everyone has time to read if they really want to, sadly lots of people have no interest.

Verv · 30/05/2023 15:34

I would never say I "dont have time to read", I don't have the attention span to read.
I used to when I was younger and used to devour books but something changed about a decade ago.
I miss reading.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 30/05/2023 15:49

drawersmoe · 30/05/2023 15:28

I love reading but don't have time for it. Reading needs undivided attention whereas I can watch tv/listen to a podcast when I word, tidy, bake, cook etc

I read whilst I do pretty much everything. The kids are the same. Ds has even coined names for it…. “Reckfast”, “Runch”, “Rinner” “Just going to the roilet”, “going for a rath”. (Rowers are highly contentious in our house which means we all do it but pretend we don’t.) Reaning reeth, “rooking”.

Drives poor dh (a non reader) up the wall. He has to cheer himself up by watching GCN videos.

1offnamechange · 30/05/2023 15:56

I suppose its the same as when people say "I can't afford to [do something you do]"
What they usually mean is "I could technically afford it but i would prefer to spend money on y and z instead."

It's just one of those social white lie interactions everybody does because its nicer than saying "I can't be bothered to expend the time/energy/money on doing something you clearly value."

There's no reason for you to necessarily assume that they are implying you are less busy than them or anything else negative.

Hbh17 · 30/05/2023 15:59

Yes, baffling. I read at breakfast, in bed at night, at weekends, on holiday, in cafes, car parks, anywhere where I have to kill time (always have a Kindle with me). It's about motivation, not about time at all.

AlltheFs · 30/05/2023 16:02

Hbh17 · 30/05/2023 15:59

Yes, baffling. I read at breakfast, in bed at night, at weekends, on holiday, in cafes, car parks, anywhere where I have to kill time (always have a Kindle with me). It's about motivation, not about time at all.

I would love to have time to kill, I don’t do any waiting. Breakfast is eaten at work. What are you waiting for? I’m hoping there will be waiting as DD gets older and I’m sat outside dance lessons or something.
If I’m in a cafe I’m with DD, I’m never on my own anywhere.

Dulra · 30/05/2023 16:02

1offnamechange · 30/05/2023 15:56

I suppose its the same as when people say "I can't afford to [do something you do]"
What they usually mean is "I could technically afford it but i would prefer to spend money on y and z instead."

It's just one of those social white lie interactions everybody does because its nicer than saying "I can't be bothered to expend the time/energy/money on doing something you clearly value."

There's no reason for you to necessarily assume that they are implying you are less busy than them or anything else negative.

Yep this. We all have different interests and priorities and when time is limited we do what we enjoy most in the precious time we've got. I love reading and will go to bed early to read before I sleep because I've no time during the day, my dh is not a reader he'd prefer to stay up and watch a film or something.

The "I don't have time for it" is a white lie they just don't prioritise it because it's not as important to them as you.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 30/05/2023 16:12

Mumoftwoinprimary · 30/05/2023 15:49

I read whilst I do pretty much everything. The kids are the same. Ds has even coined names for it…. “Reckfast”, “Runch”, “Rinner” “Just going to the roilet”, “going for a rath”. (Rowers are highly contentious in our house which means we all do it but pretend we don’t.) Reaning reeth, “rooking”.

Drives poor dh (a non reader) up the wall. He has to cheer himself up by watching GCN videos.

Show quote history

I used to read walking down the stairs as a kid (not reccomended)

Mouldyfoodhelp · 30/05/2023 16:17

I read and just this month read about 5000 pages that I'd been putting off for years but I feel like people mean it's quicker to consume a set film or TV series than it is to read a book about the same story which could take days/ weeks to finish.

purplecorkheart · 30/05/2023 16:19

I think some people think that reading is a huge thing that requires you to sit in a quiet place etc. I read while standing waiting for the washing machine to finish, while something is in the motorway, while on hold on the phone etc.

Newnamefor2021 · 30/05/2023 16:19

I love reading, but I am very time-starved and in constant demand. I don't always have the headspace for reading. But I have children with disabilities, extended family members with disabilities, I own my own business, I survive on less than 6 hours of sleep, as little as three at times, and it's difficult to concentrate on reading when my brain so remembering all the things I should be doing. I think it's less physical time, though and just about my mental health at any given time. If I'm overwhelmed, then I can't stay focused.

drawersmoe · 30/05/2023 16:22

I think some people think that reading is a huge thing that requires you to sit in a quiet place etc. I read while standing waiting for the washing machine to finish, while something is in the motorway, while on hold on the phone etc.

People have different lives though...

drawersmoe · 30/05/2023 16:25

I read whilst I do pretty much everything

There's no way I could read a book & absorb it if I was cooking, talking to a friend, work etc. It's amazing you can do that!

LaMaG · 30/05/2023 16:35

Agree its just a priority thing and its easier to say I don't have time, it might be something they associate with child free holidays and indulgence. What bugs me is the I don't have time to cook especially from people who don't have kids. Parents have to provide meals every day with a lot less time and all manage to cook in some form. Again I think they mean experimental dishes, following complex recipes etc.

I genuinely did not have time to read or exercise for some years and used to feel envious of those that did. Funny now I have time to cook nice meals and to read but never find the time to exercise 😃

crazyaboutcats · 30/05/2023 16:40

I think most people don't have the attention span to read anymore, many can't even watch TV without scrolling on their phones at the same time

It's something both my DH and I are struggling with trying to correct

Lovetotravel123 · 30/05/2023 16:44

The most depressing thing I saw recently was a flight full of people on screens. About 2 books on the whole flight. For me a flight is prime reading time. It’s no wonder that most people can’t spell properly.