Page 2 | 'I don't have time to read'

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 2023-05-30T07:47:20+00:00

Does anyone else get this? Hobbies wise, apart from walks, I'm not massively active, so I'd say my main hobbies are reading, and listening to podcasts. The amount of times friends have said they 'don't have time' for either of these things really baffles me - and actually makes me wonder why they seem to say it in a way that implies I have more hours in my day than they do. We are all at similar points in our lives; working, children, partners, homes to run. They have the time, they just don't have the inclination. AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

Wildflowersinthemeadow · 30/05/2023 09:02

I think you can multi task watching TV in a way you can’t when reading. There are audiobooks, I suppose, but I prefer books.

I do read but definitely not the particularly highbrow stuff.

IamnotSethRogan · 30/05/2023 09:02

Well I found actually dedicating decent time to sit down and read a bit tricky lately (and i used to love reading so much) because by the time I get to sit down, I just want to completely switch off and put something on the TV and not think. However I've gotten really into audio books lately because I can have it on while driving or doing other things.

I don't think you're being judged as not being busy because you're reading. Maybe they just feel a bit bad they don't dedicate time to reading and instead of having some drawn out conversation, it's just easier to say "I don't have time" as opposed to saying "I don't have the headspace right now to dedicate the time I do have spare to something that means I can't completely switch off"

likeadisgruntledpelican · 30/05/2023 09:02

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 08:54

If people have time to watch a film, or tv series, they have time to read, they just don't want to.

As I said in my post, we are all at the same points in our lives.

No one is in a carers role, other than to their healthy children.

The thing is, reading is a solitary hobby that takes solitary concentration. You can't read a book with a friend or your family like you can watch a movie or go for a run together.

I love reading, but currently don't have time to read. The hours I'm working (long and haphazard) at the moment mean I finish work, eat dinner, watch one episode of something with my DP (our only time together) and I go straight to bed. I've attempted reading in bed but fall asleep too quickly and don't take any of it in! It's a short-term work situation hopefully, but something has to give. 7 days a week doing some level of work, little free time, and I spend enough time on my own and would rather do something more sociable than read.

I have a tonne of books on my Kindle which I won't get to read until my next holiday - it is what it is, and I miss it a lot.

IHateFlies · 30/05/2023 09:02

I have a friend who often says this to me. I find it insulting due to the way she's saying it - implying that I have time to be idle and read books while her life is ever so busy that she can't spare 5 mins let alone time to read a book.
She has plenty of time to spare. She just prioritises different things like watching tv, chatting to family and being active on Twitter.
I wouldn't bother commenting op. If they wanted to read, they would. It's about everyone's personal priorities.

SusannaLily · 30/05/2023 09:02

I love books, love reading, but don't read often. I don't say I haven't time to read, but really I don't have "quality" time or space to read. DH always has the TV on, if I go to bed then he often follows (that is a huge bugbear!), but I tend to fall asleep quickly anyway. I have nowhere quiet to read, plus in an evening I'm up and down ferrying kids about, cooking dinner etc.

Original poster

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 09:04

FloydWasACat · 30/05/2023 09:01

I am in a 'carers role' who are you to say things about other people's lives? Maybe read some more, then you wouldn't have the time to be posting this.

I always stay away from posting in anger on this site but this has really really annoyed me.

My post did clearly state my friends.

Your circumstances are a million miles away from ours. So, if you were to say that to me, I would obviously understand that to be true.

OP posts:

GoodChat · 30/05/2023 09:04

I'd assume they spend their evenings with their partners watching TV, playing games etc together rather than doing their own things individually

Tanfastic · 30/05/2023 09:04

Bananarepublic · 30/05/2023 08:55

Your friends do have time to read but prioritise other things.

They also practise competitive busyness, which is really annoying (I just don't have time for x,y,z because I am so busy!

Yes the competitive busyness is definitely a thing!

I remember an ex colleague saying she didn't have time for hobbies but it transpired her husband had hours of time to do what he wanted ....

backinthebox · 30/05/2023 09:04

I would love to be able to read more, but I would have to claw that time from either work, my family, or take it away from another thing I love. With an hour extra in the day I would read, but I don’t have time. I’m surprised you don’t get that.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 30/05/2023 09:06

You’re right OP. I think people mean they don’t have the motivation to. Obviously most could find the time but many people are tired at the end of the day and if you do a lot of reading in your day job then it can seem less appealing than it once did.

FuckTheLemonsandBail · 30/05/2023 09:07

What they mean is that they don't really like it so they don't prioritise it, which is fine.

There's a weird snobbery around reading, as if everyone should be doing it and it's frankly weird if you don't, and that other pastimes such as watching soaps or social media are lowbrow and embarrassing in comparison.

People pick up on that so it's easier to say 'I don't have time to read' then 'I don't like reading' or even 'I can't get on with reading' or 'I choose not to read'.

I say all of this as an avid reader.

FuckTheLemonsandBail · 30/05/2023 09:08

I read a lot of books on my phone (prefer that and Kindle to paper books) so it's easy to read a few pages throughout the day.

KimberleyClark · 30/05/2023 09:08

They are saying they don’t like reading, which is fine, if they did enjoy reading they would make time for it. But they should own that. And not imp,y that people who make time to read are lazy.

GOODCAT · 30/05/2023 09:08

I would have said I didn't have time until the pandemic happened and I discovered my local library's free online catalogue. I can now happily download an ebook.

I think it was more the cost before, but I would have said time but in reality it was just less of a priority money wise.

Similar applied to swimming. Previously I didn't have the cash and once I did my husband was a bit surprised that I was prioritising that over spending time with him. Now it makes such a positive difference for me it is something I try to fit in and my husband actively encourages me to go and if I can't fit it in on my usual day he will ask me when I want to go and make sure I can go then.

Spendonsend · 30/05/2023 09:08

I sometimes say i don't have time to read. Obviously i do have time but I quite like to read uninterrupted for a goodish lenghth of time. I find it hard to dip in an out. As the kids get older i get longer stretches and have started to read.

bibbityboppityboo · 30/05/2023 09:08

I bloody love reading (have hundreds of physical books and a kindle stuffed too!) but I find sometimes I just don't "have time to read".

I find that an easy way of saying I'm not in the right headspace / don't want to / in a book rut / can't make myself do it / in an indecisive mood etc. Its not always a literal comment imo!

However I do have friends who are just "so busy" and can't imagine a spare half an hour to read, but they're just a few who really enjoy being super busy and complaining how little free time they have.

I always tell my DH that book buying and book reading are two separate and distinct hobbies 😂 book reading is a special time! I need a cosy seat, perfect weather, the right drinks and a good book, free time with nothing impending that needs to be done etc. Which to me is different to the daily reading I do before bed - which doesn't make sense at all I know 😂

Original poster

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 09:09

I think @Bananarepublic has hit the nail on the head and given me words that I couldn't quite get to myself - it's the competitive busyness that bothers me, and I'll just use that term if it comes up again. Problem solved!

OP posts:

IcedPurple · 30/05/2023 09:10

I love reading, but it does take a lot of time. I guess it's just not a priority for everyone, which is fine.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/05/2023 09:12

I love to read and I always make time for it. But I can't deny, time wasted on Mumsnet has eaten into my reading time. It's just easier when you have 90 seconds - in the past I would have read a page, now I'm typing this instead.

Kanaloa · 30/05/2023 09:12

I don’t know. I mean I could say I ‘don’t have time’ to go to yoga, but I have watched Riverdale and read 50-60 books every year. So I have time as such, but I’ve filled that time with other stuff. I think it’s just nod and say ‘haha we all make time for our hobbies, I never go to the gym/go for a drive/play cricket.’

I think the thing is that people see reading like going to the gym. It’s a ‘superior’ activity that people feel they ‘should’ do. So then when they meet someone who does do it they feel awkward or embarrassed and have to justify why they don’t as they worry they’ll be seen as lazy/stupid for not doing it.

I have a similar thing where I’m a vegetarian who doesn’t drink, and if I mention this people will often rush to say ‘I barely eat any meat’ or ‘I never drink nowadays.’ And it’s like I don’t care! Have steak and wine every night, fine by me. But people think you might judge them so want to justify themselves first.

Kanaloa · 30/05/2023 09:14

FuckTheLemonsandBail · 30/05/2023 09:07

What they mean is that they don't really like it so they don't prioritise it, which is fine.

There's a weird snobbery around reading, as if everyone should be doing it and it's frankly weird if you don't, and that other pastimes such as watching soaps or social media are lowbrow and embarrassing in comparison.

People pick up on that so it's easier to say 'I don't have time to read' then 'I don't like reading' or even 'I can't get on with reading' or 'I choose not to read'.

I say all of this as an avid reader.

This is what I was trying to say 😂 just in a much more clear way! I think it’s definitely correct that many people do it because they feel they ‘should’ read.

Thesunnymood · 30/05/2023 09:16

Yes, what they actually mean is "I am not in mood for reading often". Which is fine. I have days when I can barely concentrate on TV let alone book. No time just sounds as better excuse to many for no good reason

whatkatydid2013 · 30/05/2023 09:16

Kanaloa · 30/05/2023 09:12

I don’t know. I mean I could say I ‘don’t have time’ to go to yoga, but I have watched Riverdale and read 50-60 books every year. So I have time as such, but I’ve filled that time with other stuff. I think it’s just nod and say ‘haha we all make time for our hobbies, I never go to the gym/go for a drive/play cricket.’

I think the thing is that people see reading like going to the gym. It’s a ‘superior’ activity that people feel they ‘should’ do. So then when they meet someone who does do it they feel awkward or embarrassed and have to justify why they don’t as they worry they’ll be seen as lazy/stupid for not doing it.

I have a similar thing where I’m a vegetarian who doesn’t drink, and if I mention this people will often rush to say ‘I barely eat any meat’ or ‘I never drink nowadays.’ And it’s like I don’t care! Have steak and wine every night, fine by me. But people think you might judge them so want to justify themselves first.

Yes this is true. I like to cook and I tend to make everything from scratch because I enjoy it. I find some people can see it almost as a judgement but in reality if you prefer to buy in takeaway a couple of times a week or pick up mostly ready meals because you’d rather have that cooking time to do something else you should go for it. My garden is a disaster area because I have limited time, don’t enjoy gardening and haven’t found someone to do it for me 🤷🏼‍♀️

SallyWD · 30/05/2023 09:17

I feel like this. I'm usually doing stuff all day long and then by the time the children are in bed and I've had a shower, it's nearly 10pm. I'm just exhausted and can't focus on a book. I do loads of walking throughout the day so am physically very tired and my brain sort of shuts down. I think it depends how tired you are at bed time. Occasionally I'll have time during the weekend to read but often we're out all day.

Divebar2021 · 30/05/2023 09:17

You’ve had two different tones to the replies OP ( some quite snarky)…. I guess it depends how the comments are made to you as to the judgement behind them. It definitely can be a competitive busy-ness or a note on your perceived idleness. You see this sometimes directed at people who employ cleaners rather than cleaning their own home. ( someone made a post on my local Nextdoor.com recently saying “ doesn’t anyone clean their own homes anymore” like it was worth commenting on). I read but not as much as I should AND I employ a cleaner. Complete slattern