'I don't have time to read'

[aperolspritzbasicbitch]

Does anyone else get this?

Hobbies wise, apart from walks, I'm not massively active, so I'd say my main hobbies are reading, and listening to podcasts.

The amount of times friends have said they 'don't have time' for either of these things really baffles me - and actually makes me wonder why they seem to say it in a way that implies I have more hours in my day than they do.

We are all at similar points in our lives; working, children, partners, homes to run. They have the time, they just don't have the inclination.

AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

Don’t be so ridiculous. I would live to have time to read but I have other commitments that don’t allow time for it. I have a job, young child and a horse. Once I have met their requirements there’s no time left for reading. Of course if I shot the old horse and gave up work I’d have the time. But I can’t do those things. They are choices I have made but I can’t just undo them.
If you have prioritised reading then great, I haven’t.

One of my dc is not a reader, and I feel as if this means I failed as a parent. We read to them when they were little, and they grew up surrounded by books, and seeing me read every day, but for some reason, ds3 just doesn't enjoy it. His older brothers do, so I guess it is just his character.

I couldn't go a day without reading - though like you, @aperolspritzbasicbitch, I do like a good box set binge too (Downton Abbey and Bridgerton at the moment) - but I read for an hour or more every night before I go to sleep, and then I listen to an audiobook (to help me switch my brain off and go to sleep - Dan Jones, talking to me about the Plantagenets or the Wars of the Roses is particularly soporific).

A therapist once suggested that reading in bed might be the cause of my insomnia, and maybe I should stop - but I couldn't imagine a life where I didn't read in bed - and frankly I'd rather read in bed and have insomnia, than not read in bed!

We all manage our days differently. I'm out all day with the toddler and baby so I don't have to clean as much when I get home. Until I learned that, I spent most of my evening cleaning.

I now clean on the go, every time a plate is dirty, a side has crumbs on, a sink has beard trimmings on, it's sorted immediately but my family constantly undermine my efforts. That makes it harder for me than someone who lives with a tidier spouse and easier than someone who has a messier spouse.

I am simplifying my life, I have fewer plants to tend, less clutter than I had, fewer social engagements. It all adds up to steal precious time.

I enjoy cooking from scratch, it takes time to prepare and to clean up. I have less time than someone who pops in chips and nuggets.

We get ill a lot. I never used to but for some reason now we all do. (gross toddlers probably).

My family takes up my time - around 4 full days a month, because they're far away. They don't help with the kids, we just have to visit them and lose half of our weekends a month.

We manage my mil from afar - her finances, when she gets scam calls, ordering her food shopping etc.

These all sound small but add it all up and it makes a big difference. We all have different sleep needs, energy levels and different things on our plate. Some of us have our sh1t together, some of us overcomplicate life and have less time.

I love to read BTW and it sounds like you're being judged for having time, not for reading. Try and remember, life genuinely is busier for some people than others.

I mean I don't have the time to unwind enough to be able to focus full on a book. My life is too chaotic.

Not necessarily, I can watch TV/films with distractions in the room, that could be my children playing, my husband chatting away etc. Where as to read a novel etc I need silence and to be on my own. I really enjoy reading, but with two young children, two jobs, a dog and a husband silence and being alone are two things that very rarely happen.

Ask him how he pictures things in his head. I suspect people with aphantasia don't enjoy reading as much as people with vivid imaginations

“I don’t know how you find the time” could also be a compliment though?

also- in my circles, competitive busy-ness definitely involves bragging about fitting hobbies in too.

@FloydWasACat that seems particularly cruel 😓 I hope you find a way to carve out some time for yourself - virtual hug to you xx

That's exactly what I'm saying - no, it isn't a loaded comment. It isn't implying anything negative. It could equally be envious/admiring or complimentary, unless their tone implied otherwise.

I have aphantasia and I read a lot (200 books or so a year) but I had never really considered whether I was missing out by not having a minds eye

I do hear the characters voices though in my head, each one will have a distinct voice, maybe that helps?

I think "I don't have time for xxx" is just something people say about something they feel they ought to do but prioritise other things, to make themselves feel better. eg I don't say "I can't be arsed to tidy so my house is messy" or "I can't motivate myself to exercise" or "I generally prioritise watching married at first sight over going for a run", I say I don't have time! I don't think they're trying to make you feel bad about having time to read OP, they're just putting a bit of spin on their own life.

I have never really understood this comment - it obviously means I dont like/care for/prioritise reading. I read every day, at night when I get into bed. Sometimes I only make a page or two before I am falling asleep, but cant imagine a day without reading something.

The other issue with being a carer is that even if you can make time you might be exhausted. I'm trying to fit in some time to read right now (free month of Kobo Plus, there were a few books I really wanted to read), and it is really difficult because I'm exhausted. So it's not just time that's the issue.

And the constant interruptions from DS.

I have said this in the past but as a single parent now I do have less time than I used to as I'm the one doing ALL of the housework etc. I used to read on train journeys to work, before bed and at weekends but my time is used up by more other things now, so yes, I wish I had more time to read.

I genuinely don’t have time to read and I hate that, I miss reading. I don’t watch TV or watch any films (not because I don’t want to, I rarely have time to just chill). I have a very demanding job and have a toddler who always wants attention too, so the moment I get time to sit quietly on the sofa, I usually pass out exhausted!

I used to read on my commute but moved so that I was on the train for only 10 minutes. Moving again so I am really looking forward to 45 mins each way to read something, even if I am dreading the longer commute.

I’m a single mum, working full time in a physically demanding job. No family support and no money to pay for any help/tradespeople/etc. I am currently reading for about twenty minutes a day as DD has decided she wants to read to herself at bedtime but likes it if I read my book too. Previously to that I was taking half an hour or more to read novels to her then didn’t have time to read myself.

To make time to read I have to choose to give something else up. So spend less time with my daughter, not walk the dog, not cook properly, not clean the house, not do gardening or DIY (keeping the house and garden in a reasonable condition is part of my lease conditions), not exercise (can watch TV while exercising but not read, hate audiobooks), not get the shopping in, not volunteer as a local activity leader. Would happily choose to work less and read more, but unfortunately that isn’t possible.

That’s a really interesting question, @Letsallthinkofaname - I’ll ask him.

I think most people who say this simply aren't prioritising reading, and that's fine. Sometimes (for some of us), you'd rather scroll social media, watch something, or just sit and be. But because reading is seen as virtuous and something you 'should' be doing (especially if you're talking to someone who obviously does read), some think they have to defend their choice not to read.

I'm not a speed-reader, and I rarely read anything heavy or particularly challenging (had enough of that when I was younger). But I doubt there's ever been a time when I genuinely couldn't have read during any given week. There were, however, times when I couldn't be bothered and preferred to do other things.

That sounds really hard. So you're either working, caring for your child, doing housework (I assume) or asleep. No time to yourself at all?

They may classify some activities as "necessary" that you consider choices.

Eg. My friend finds more time than me to exercise (our kids are the same ages). She might argue I could find the time. I "choose" to spend more of my time on my children's activities than she does (taking them for swimming lessons, music lessons, ballet class etc), and help them with practise & homework. I would say "i don't have time to go to the gym" because to me it is necessary that i help my kids with music practise, whereas she might consider this an optional choice. Neither of us is right or wrong, its a difference of opinion.

You also don't know about how other people live - you might work the same hours on paper, but some people might be under pressure to do extra work in the evening. You might all cook for your families, but a particularly keen cook might spend more time on especially delicious from scratch cooking & baking.

@aperolspritzbasicbitch

you might well ask.

theorigrights is that so rare with young kids?

I work almost full time & have young kids & my work timetable means i'm either working or have the kids home(no time off when they are in school or childcare). I often have to catch up a bit of work after the kids are in bed and do batch cooking, housework, life admin etc then too. I start work v early so i can finish just after school run, so I'm in bed by 9.30pm most nights. I don't get a lot of time alone for myself (although I'm gradually getting more and more as my youngest approaches school age & is will play more and more independently). Its not forever.

The whole conversation is semi loaded with judgement/defensiveness/self-imposed guilt. It’s just like if someone suggests they don’t have time to exercise, there will be people saying get up 30’mins earlier.

When my 2 dcs were young I genuinely didn't really have time to read. Even when they were in bed, I had to prioritise getting an early night in case they woke up. I would take half an hour each night to sit with a cup of tea and listen to the news. I prioritised that over reading, as when dc were awake they were noisy and I couldn't hear the radio.

Now that they are older, I DO take half an hour most eves to read, after listening to the news. I still work fulltime. I felt reading was quicker than watching a tv series as I could read in 20 mins.. Also we have one tv and dh uses this. We have another in a less comfortable room where you can't record programmes.

Having half an hour to watch TV at the end of another full day at about 11.30pm to 12.00am is not the same as having half an hour to read. Now I have children I am too tired to read by the time I am sitting down. I have time for reading when we are all on holiday relaxing.