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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I don't have time to read'

259 replies

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 08:47

Does anyone else get this?

Hobbies wise, apart from walks, I'm not massively active, so I'd say my main hobbies are reading, and listening to podcasts.

The amount of times friends have said they 'don't have time' for either of these things really baffles me - and actually makes me wonder why they seem to say it in a way that implies I have more hours in my day than they do.

We are all at similar points in our lives; working, children, partners, homes to run. They have the time, they just don't have the inclination.

AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

OP posts:
ridemesideway · 30/05/2023 11:06

I prioritise exercise in the little free time I have so I listen to audiobooks while I’m in the gym. Two birds and all that.

soberfabulous · 30/05/2023 11:09

ridemesideway · 30/05/2023 11:06

I prioritise exercise in the little free time I have so I listen to audiobooks while I’m in the gym. Two birds and all that.

This is a great idea! I exercise 3-4 times a week and usually listen to podcasts (unless I'm playing tennis!) maybe I'll throw in an audiobook too.

TheSnowyOwl · 30/05/2023 11:15

People have the time to do anything they want, it’s just there are a number of priorities which usually mean what we want to do is pushed far down the list by what we need to do.

I don’t have enough time to watch tv but that’s because I prefer to spend my time reading.

TheOrigRights · 30/05/2023 11:16

soberfabulous · 30/05/2023 11:09

This is a great idea! I exercise 3-4 times a week and usually listen to podcasts (unless I'm playing tennis!) maybe I'll throw in an audiobook too.

Show quote history

I listen to The Archers omnibus on my long run at the weekend. I tend not to listen to books when I run as I can't give the book my entire attention. Podcasts etc are good.
I tend to listen to book when I'm tidying up the house in the evening.

Top tip: sign up to your local library's e-book and audiobook service!

Nevermind31 · 30/05/2023 11:16

I’m like this with exercise… I don’t have time, or I am too tired. But really, I’d rather pick up a book.
so… different priorities

afterdropshock · 30/05/2023 11:18

My youngest is now 5. For the past 10 years I haven't had time to read much. A few books a year. I didn't watch tv or films either. I work, pick up the kids, do lots of housework, and if I ever get a pocket of time I go for a run or a swim. If I find time to sit down I contact friends as I am very aware that people need people.
Recently my children need me physically less. I don't have to get them every glass of water etc. They also take less time and attention to get to sleep at night. So now I get more housework done with them around, and read in the evenings. It's lovely. I haven't watched a film in years though, and still rather exercise than sit with a book.

Borracha · 30/05/2023 11:27

Yessssssss. I'm in a book club, and the amount of times someone turns up and says 'I haven't read it, I just didn't have time' drives me mad.

If I wanted to be a dick, I could point out that I have 3 kids under 7, work full time blah blah blah, yet manage to find the time, whereas most of them are retired/don't work and have grown up children.

In reality, what they mean is they haven't prioritised reading. Which is their prerogative. But then don't be in a book club.

mondaytosunday · 30/05/2023 11:30

Yea they have time it's just not a priority.

Meeting · 30/05/2023 11:30

YABU I've never read a book.

Doesn't mean I'm automatically spending my time watching crap on TV. In fact I don't watch TV other than a film with DH at the weekend.

Timesawastin · 30/05/2023 11:34

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 08:56

That's exactly it - competitive busyness!

I'll have to remember that

Show quote history

Yes, you must remember it. So important to have a high horse to sit on. Or maybe myob and enjoy your interests without having to look down on others?
I read a lot. But it doesn't make me better than people who don't.

Original poster
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 11:36

@Timesawastin please, please show me where I've said I'm better than anyone at any stage in this thread?

OP posts:
Q2C4 · 30/05/2023 11:38

My DC are 3 & 1. I work full time. The 3 yr old doesn't fall asleep till 9:30pm at the earliest. The 1 year old is usually up for 1hr min in the night. I don't have time to read or watch tv (that isn't a kid's cartoon!) or do any other hobbies - that is, if I want to sleep.

HannahsLife · 30/05/2023 11:39

Surely when it comes to TV, its that you can watch TV while doing a multitude of other things? I watch entire series' while I work from home. I couldn't do that with a book.

I have a 1 year old. I'm honestly not sure where I could find the time to read a book in my day right now.

That's not a judgement on someone who DOES find the time. It's just reading a book is a completely different thing to watching TV, or even scrolling on MN.

sandyhappypeople · 30/05/2023 11:48

whatkatydid2013 · 30/05/2023 09:40

I will do things to be a bit more active while doing other things (walking kids to/from school, taking bike for a midweek shop) but if I’m actively exercising it would be something like going to a dance/yoga/ Pilates class, heading down to the sea for a swim or getting my hula hoops out and working with those for half an hour to an hour with music on. What else do you do while you exercise?

Show quote history

Exercising for me, for instance, is like walking the dogs.. it’s performing another function while getting your steps in, you can also listen to music or a podcast while working out at home, go to the park and kick a ball about with the kids, run up and down the stairs while carrying things to and fro, doing squats while you put the washing out, that would all be classed as exercise to me, but you can also do something else at the same time, unlike reading which you can’t do much else really.

if you’re referring to exercise as in specifically going out to the gym or a class for an hour I can understand people saying they don’t have time for that, I personally wouldn’t either. But it’s the same reason I can’t just read anymore, I don’t have a big enough chunk in the day to dedicate to that one thing, it has to be multitasking or nothing unfortunately.

aSofaNearYou · 30/05/2023 11:54

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 11:36

@Timesawastin please, please show me where I've said I'm better than anyone at any stage in this thread?

You still haven't provided any evidence that suggests what they are saying is meant as a negative judgment of you, which makes your comments about "putting down the remote" sound unnecessary and like you think your hobbies are better than that.

Muu · 30/05/2023 11:58

Put down the remote and pick up a book is a mean dig so if you’re going to say this to an actual friend I’d be sure they actually deserve it first!

Original poster
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 12:04

@aSofaNearYou I've cleared that up further up the post - the comments are always made when talking about the things we've watched recently, that is why I have made the comparison in the two...I have read a book whilst they have chosen to watch a film/series.

I think I've made it pretty clear that I don't think reading is more worthwhile than watching something, I do both myself.

I just don't like the implication that I must not be as busy just because I prioritise something else sometimes

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 30/05/2023 12:08

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 12:04

@aSofaNearYou I've cleared that up further up the post - the comments are always made when talking about the things we've watched recently, that is why I have made the comparison in the two...I have read a book whilst they have chosen to watch a film/series.

I think I've made it pretty clear that I don't think reading is more worthwhile than watching something, I do both myself.

I just don't like the implication that I must not be as busy just because I prioritise something else sometimes

Yes but none of that makes what they were saying, intended as judgmental. I get that you don't feel you meant "put down the remote" as judgmental, yes you've cleared that up - though it is a very loaded phrase as it taps into the common judgment of people who watch tv, which you must realise.

But saying "I can never find the time" does not mean they are judging you for finding the time. Is there something in their tone or expression that is making you think they mean it as a negative towards you? If not, it is unlikely that's what they mean, and far more likely they are just defending why they don't read.

Mutabiliss · 30/05/2023 12:19

What does it matter? People enjoy different things and make time for them, and some people need more 'downtime' than others. I don't watch much TV and don't understand how people have time to watch box sets or films, but that's because I tend to spend my free hour or so in the evening gardening, planning my garden, scrolling instagram to numb my brain or catching up on work. Or cleaning, sadly, as I don't have any other time to do it!

I say I don't have time to read... but like others, what I mean is that I don't have time to read how I like, which is to lose myself in a book and read for hours. I loathe being interrupted when reading, and I don't really like reading when tired (I've never read before bed) because it just sends me to sleep and I lose my place. So because I have a small child and my weekends are spent at playgrounds and soft plays, I don't read. I'm sure once I'm no longer entertaining a small child all day I'll start reading again. (When is that, please, parents of older children? 😂)

HecticHedgehog · 30/05/2023 12:23

Can relate to this. Someone implying I have more time than them, presumably because I don't work full time. I don't work full time as I have children with additional needs. Meanwhile their kids are at boarding school so I'm of the view if they can't find some spare time they are clearly poorly organised.

8roses · 30/05/2023 12:25

Nothing wrong with a bit of self care and idleness 😃

Wishawisha · 30/05/2023 12:26

What does it matter? People enjoy different things and make time for them but isn’t that exactly what the OP is saying? Everyone enjoys different things and prioritises different things. It’s not that she has more free time than others, it’s just that reading is on the top of her list. So when others say they don’t have the time it’s insinuating that the OP just has more leisure time, which is false. Isn’t that all she’s saying?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/05/2023 12:28

When I say "I don't have time to read" I mean "I don't have the energy/concentration to sit and focus on a book".

I don't think saying "if you have time to watch TV you have time to read" is strictly true. TV is much more passive and doesn't require anywhere near as much concentration or focus!

Original poster
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 12:30

@aSofaNearYou 'I don't know how you find the time' is also pretty loaded, no?

Maybe I am reading too much in to it, maybe they are indulging in a little competitive busyness, who knows?

I guess if it comes up again and bothers me, I'll just reiterate that sometimes I prioritise it in my free time - the same way the prioritise something else.

My more pressing concern right now is just how long I've spent defending myself on line over something so insignificant. Imagine having the time to do that 🤣

So from here on, those that get it get it, and those that don't are free to think that I am snobby/smug/a superiority complex

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 30/05/2023 12:30

CornishGem1975 · 30/05/2023 08:51

I might say I don't have time to read, but what I mean is I don't have decent time to read. I can't read at 8pm at night after I've finished work, dealt with the kids, made dinner, tidied up etc as I can't focus on the book at all, I'm too tired.

And quite often there's still other stuff to do in the evenings, which yeah, means I don't have time. Maybe you're fortunate you don't have to fill your evenings doing lots of other shit, but many people do.

This.

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