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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'I don't have time to read'

259 replies

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 08:47

Does anyone else get this?

Hobbies wise, apart from walks, I'm not massively active, so I'd say my main hobbies are reading, and listening to podcasts.

The amount of times friends have said they 'don't have time' for either of these things really baffles me - and actually makes me wonder why they seem to say it in a way that implies I have more hours in my day than they do.

We are all at similar points in our lives; working, children, partners, homes to run. They have the time, they just don't have the inclination.

AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

OP posts:
whatkatydid2013 · 30/05/2023 18:57

sandyhappypeople · 30/05/2023 11:48

Exercising for me, for instance, is like walking the dogs.. it’s performing another function while getting your steps in, you can also listen to music or a podcast while working out at home, go to the park and kick a ball about with the kids, run up and down the stairs while carrying things to and fro, doing squats while you put the washing out, that would all be classed as exercise to me, but you can also do something else at the same time, unlike reading which you can’t do much else really.

if you’re referring to exercise as in specifically going out to the gym or a class for an hour I can understand people saying they don’t have time for that, I personally wouldn’t either. But it’s the same reason I can’t just read anymore, I don’t have a big enough chunk in the day to dedicate to that one thing, it has to be multitasking or nothing unfortunately.

Show quote history

I guess it all depends how you live. I often read when I take the train to town, travel for work or commute on the bus so that’s actually an easy enough multitask for me.
I have a trip next week that includes 4 1-2 hour flights over course of 3 days. Between that and the time in departures/in taxi to/from airport I will likely get through at least a couple of books. I used to work when travelling but we aren’t allowed to anymore in case something sensitive is seen over your shoulder.

WolfFoxHare · 30/05/2023 18:59

Blossomtoes · 30/05/2023 18:57

I read three or four novels a week on a kindle, I assume quite a few of those people were reading one.

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Yeah, I read books on my iPad (and sometimes even on my phone!) - I don’t have space in my luggage to take 3-4 novels away with me on a 2 day trip. But I’ll easily read that much on my iPad.

whatkatydid2013 · 30/05/2023 18:59

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 30/05/2023 16:59

They may be using an E-Reader?

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Yep - I do nothing but read on the plane but always on my phone 🤷🏼‍♀️

Receiverofrage · 30/05/2023 19:01

You sound really judgemental of them OP. It’s not hard to understand is it? They are choosing to do other things in the time you spend reading. You said yourself you don’t really have other hobbies.

Or maybe some of them need more sleep than you. I need 2-3,hours more sleep a night than most people, so I just have less time to do stuff than most people.

CarCrazy · 30/05/2023 19:01

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 08:47

Does anyone else get this?

Hobbies wise, apart from walks, I'm not massively active, so I'd say my main hobbies are reading, and listening to podcasts.

The amount of times friends have said they 'don't have time' for either of these things really baffles me - and actually makes me wonder why they seem to say it in a way that implies I have more hours in my day than they do.

We are all at similar points in our lives; working, children, partners, homes to run. They have the time, they just don't have the inclination.

AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

You sound quite snobby OP with your 'they should put down the remote control' comment.

If they say they don't have time to read, then just take them at their word?

Non issue

SleepingStandingUp · 30/05/2023 19:07

CarCrazy · 30/05/2023 19:01

You sound quite snobby OP with your 'they should put down the remote control' comment.

If they say they don't have time to read, then just take them at their word?

Non issue

Show quote history

She hasn't said they should put down the remote control because reading is so superior but because they're complaining they don't have time to do it as tho their other activities are so all consuming and they can't possibly squeeze in another scitvity, when alot of that down time could easily be swapped for a book if they actually wanted. And if they don't, then say "I'm not really into much reading atm, of prefer to relax watching with Cobra Kai with DH"

1offnamechange · 30/05/2023 19:10

Lovetotravel123 · 30/05/2023 16:44

The most depressing thing I saw recently was a flight full of people on screens. About 2 books on the whole flight. For me a flight is prime reading time. It’s no wonder that most people can’t spell properly.

not as depressing as your unwarranted judgement, inability to think outside your own narrow experience, exaggeration (THE most depressing thing? Really? Do you not watch/read the news?) and false correlation.

Apart from everything else unless you spent the whole flight walking up and down checking out what everyone else was doing how do you KNOW there were only 2 books on the entire flight? Some people could have read for a short while, stopped, done something else etc.

Flying might be peak reading time for you but lots of people get travel sick, or are too nervous when flying to concentrate on reading, or don't want to get too engaged in something because they are keeping an eye on kids/get constantly interrupted by flight messages/meal delivery/other passengers needing to get past to get to the loo etc.

As well as e-readers some might have been listening to audio books - would that be ok?

I bet you're the sort of dick that judges people who "don't have any books in their house/has a bigger tv than bookshelf" etc too aren't you?

mewkins · 30/05/2023 19:11

I have very little time to read apart from on holiday. I work full time and then evenings are a complex arrangement of lifts for the kids and cooking dinner. I'm a single parent. I do however listen to podcasts while walking the dog (I don't like audio books).

bathty · 30/05/2023 19:13

If people have time to watch a film, or tv series, they have time to read, they just don't want to.

I disagree as it's more passive. I can watch something whilst i tidy, do work. cook, do internet shopping etc. A book is more engrossing.

bathty · 30/05/2023 19:15

Having said that I never flop on the sofa to watch tv in the evening. Only really watch it during the day when i'm doing other things.

powerrangers · 30/05/2023 19:42

I don't have the mental energy to concentrate long enough to read. Is that better? Often it's just easier to say I don't have time. What people mean is 'after I have decompressed by doing xxxxx(all the things you seem so judgemental about), I don't have time to read.

Original poster
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 19:59

powerrangers · 30/05/2023 19:42

I don't have the mental energy to concentrate long enough to read. Is that better? Often it's just easier to say I don't have time. What people mean is 'after I have decompressed by doing xxxxx(all the things you seem so judgemental about), I don't have time to read.

To be fair, it actually is.

I don't read all night every night, there are times when i simply cannot be arsed. I go through stages where I will devour books, and then a period where I would rather scroll shit on my phone/start a series.

Saying I can't be bothered/don't have the energy/head space/inclination/attention span of an evening feels less 'god, imagine having the time to read' and would actually be met with 'yeah, gets like that sometimes doesn't it?'

I don't ask my friends what they have read. They say they don't have time to read off of their own backs.

OP posts:
Plutonium7000 · 30/05/2023 20:02

I love reading. I can imagine my friends saying this about me tho.

We all have kids and work. The main difference is that THEY mostly WFH and all have 1-2 kids. DH and both work out the house and have 3 kids, one of whom has SEN.

3 kids plus SEN means that in the evenings, childcare is a two person job until 9pm when we need to catch up on work/household jobs or exercise. The only time i get to read is before bed and I fall aleep the minute I open the book because I'm exhausted. Sometimes I try ro watch TV instead because it takes less brain power.

Just because you think you are in the same situation doesn't necessarily mean that you are.

midnightblue12 · 30/05/2023 20:15

I don't have time to read.
I don't enjoy it. I find it hard work following stories being told by reading. I find reading it's self challenging sometimes. It makes me tired and my mind wanders. I don't like holding the book. I don't like anything about reading.
So if I was to read I would feel like it was a complete waste of my time and when you waste time that time lost feels even more precious!
So no I don't have time to read and I wouldn't want to stop doing something I enjoy for something I don't.

LanaDelRaybans · 30/05/2023 20:56

You have time to post this nonsense bitchy / judgey thread, you definitely have too much time on your hands compared to your "friends" 🤣

It's clear as day you find yourself entirely superior and this is some bizarre pretend reverse-snobbery thread.

Original poster
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:05

Some of you are taking this really personally.

I don't judge anyone for not reading. Just like I don't judge anyone for not going to the gym, or playing football, or running, or making themselves a pretty macrame plant hanger. I also don't feel the need to declare I'm too busy to do any of those things. Because I'm not - I just don't want to.

I wish I had the time to sit on line and twist a randoms post to suit a narrative that I can get enraged about. 🙃

OP posts:
Meeting · 30/05/2023 21:08

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:05

Some of you are taking this really personally.

I don't judge anyone for not reading. Just like I don't judge anyone for not going to the gym, or playing football, or running, or making themselves a pretty macrame plant hanger. I also don't feel the need to declare I'm too busy to do any of those things. Because I'm not - I just don't want to.

I wish I had the time to sit on line and twist a randoms post to suit a narrative that I can get enraged about. 🙃

No OP.

You posted a judgey thread telling people to "put down the remote control" and then immediately backtracked afterwards when you didn't get the reaction you wanted.

So you read books. Whoop de fucking doo.

JenWillsiam · 30/05/2023 21:13

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:05

Some of you are taking this really personally.

I don't judge anyone for not reading. Just like I don't judge anyone for not going to the gym, or playing football, or running, or making themselves a pretty macrame plant hanger. I also don't feel the need to declare I'm too busy to do any of those things. Because I'm not - I just don't want to.

I wish I had the time to sit on line and twist a randoms post to suit a narrative that I can get enraged about. 🙃

You’re not coming across as very kind here.

Original poster
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:14

@Meeting no back tracking - I stand by what I said. They make comments about not having time to read in the same conversation as talking about films/series we watch. So, they did have the time, they just prioritised watching the tv. I didn't once say that was wrong, I'd be a massive hypocrite if I did.

I feel like I've explained this several times already, but sure, you're twist on things is more entertaining.

OP posts:
Sigmama · 30/05/2023 21:15

I read a book for 20 mins in bed every night but then I don't have a phone in the bedroom

Original poster
aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:16

You’re not coming across as very kind here.

@JenWillsiam which part is unkind?

OP posts:
JenWillsiam · 30/05/2023 21:19

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:16

You’re not coming across as very kind here.

@JenWillsiam which part is unkind?

All of it. You’re assuming that time to read is literally minutes available and not considering that it’s so much more than that. And rather than accepting you might have called it wrong it of course has to be about people choosing to be offended.

Sigmama · 30/05/2023 21:21

Jen willsiam, its not unkind if there is no judgement with it, its just an odd thing to say

AuraBora · 30/05/2023 21:26

I totally get what you mean, OP... I used to adore reading novels in bed but since I had kids I find by the time I get to bed I don't have the energy or inclination to focus on a book and get lost in it. So I generally don't bother. I scroll on my phone or maybe watch something short. As a previous OP said, it's more about having 'decent time' to read. I think until fairly recently I was saying to people that I didn't have time and when I actually thought about it, it wasn't that I didn't time, but rather I didn't have time to do it in the way I'd like so I didn't bother.
I had a NY resolution to read at least twenty books this year. I'm half way through book number 3 (I don't count audiobooks, which I often listen to to go to sleep or back to sleep during insomnia bouts in the night!)
But anyway back to your point, I do think there is an element of competitive business with your friends and I'd find it mildly annoying too (actually most people I know who used yo read a lot are quite honest about the fact they don't anymore. Phones/social media/streaming services all have a lot to do with that...)

Welshwabbit · 30/05/2023 21:30

I haven't read the full thread, but like many others OP I think the comments your friends make are not "competitive busyness" but borne out of a different approach to reading. I love reading, although when my kids were really little I did go through a period of not having the headspace for it, so I know what people mean when they say that. But I have always been able to read anywhere. I read books walking down the street, on the tube, in noisy rooms, anywhere. I am also a very fast reader. I get that lots of people can't do that, and if you need time and peace to read then many people won't have that. My preferred exercise is swimming, but it takes at least an hour and a half for me to get to the pool, do a decent session, wash and dry my hair and get home. I use this as an excuse for not exercising (I don't have time....) - but if I ran (which I hate) I could go out for half an hour, job done. It's about how you like to do things, as well as priorities.