'I don't have time to read'

[aperolspritzbasicbitch]

Does anyone else get this?

Hobbies wise, apart from walks, I'm not massively active, so I'd say my main hobbies are reading, and listening to podcasts.

The amount of times friends have said they 'don't have time' for either of these things really baffles me - and actually makes me wonder why they seem to say it in a way that implies I have more hours in my day than they do.

We are all at similar points in our lives; working, children, partners, homes to run. They have the time, they just don't have the inclination.

AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

I think you must be reading a different thread because I can’t see that her friends have been snarking. They’ve just said they personally don’t have time. The only person making and kind of judgments here is the OP.

It's doesn't matter to me how much other people read. I literally could not care less how my friends choose to fill their spare time. I don't think reading makes me better than someone who doesn't read - I'm certainly not reading anything groundbreaking. I like an easy read, and equally you'll find me watching Eastenders on the 4 evenings it's on.

Did you miss this? I posted it a bit further up on the thread.

I don’t really have time to read. I don’t mean I literally don’t have time to pick up a book and read a few words, but I don’t have time to pick a book, spend a decent amount of time reading a chunk and then the same a few times a week so I don’t lose interest in the book.

But then you are snobby about a Richard Osman book...

OP I think you're trying to backpeddle because your judgy, smug tone isn't coming across that well.

AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

Honestly, please say this to your friends so they can see what you really think and start avoiding you.

I always say I don’t have time to watch TV or films because I feel like I genuinely don’t and just sitting there for an hour seems such a waste when there are so many other things to do.

I do make time for reading by reading in bed just before I go to sleep for 15-30mins.

So even though I rarely get a chance to sit down after work, I could not read and use that time to watch TV instead.
So I see what you are saying.

But when my DD was younger I would prioritise my sleep so I felt I didn’t have time to read when she was little.

And I wouldn’t judge you for having the time, we all do things differently and have different responsibilities and activities and that’s great if you do have time to do it as it’s obviously something you really enjoy and prioritise.

'I don't know how you find the time to...'

'I could never find the time to....'

I don't think I've ever had anyone say that to me if I've mentioned a good film or series. I get it with books/podcasts though.

Equally, if someone asked me if I've seen a certain film, I wouldn't say 'no, not had the time' because it's not the case.

I don’t know how anyone can go to sleep
without reading at least a few pages. Almost everyone, no matter how busy they are, has time to read before sleep. It only takes a few minutes.

Yeah no I didn't miss it. Seems like you're massively sensitive to perceived judgment from others. But seemingly can't take any judgement on you and your smugness. So you are fine to pass judgment on others an claim you're not when you clearly are. Then so upset when others do the same to you about having time to read.

Loads of people are saying the same thing so maybe take that on.

I'm not being snobby about the book 🤣

I'm just trying to point out that I don't think me reading makes me better, I'm not reading profound novels, I'm sitting down with a cuppa and something that's easy to read, instead of an episode of succession

Lots of people also understand where I'm coming from, so there's that too.

This is exactly me! Once I pick up a book I don't want to put it down. I end up staying up till stupid o clock reading when I have work the next day. I really can't do one chapter and then put a book down unless it's a rubbish book!

I used to put my poor cooking skills down to not having time to cook properly (nb we eat well, just stuff that doesn't take an age to prepare).
I do have time now, but I choose not to spend it cooking. I choose sport, or doing a jigsaw or playing Candy Crush.

I think many people do mean that they are choosing to do different activities in their free time, whether that be watching the TV, reading, sport, crochet.

I find if I do have time to read in the day I fall asleep. I always, always read in bed before I go to sleep.

I find competitive business really boring so I just nod along when someone tells me how lucky I am to have the time to go for a 40 minute run.

@CountZacular

I got it from this post from the op about half an hour ago:

"It's doesn't matter to me how much other people read. I literally could not care less how my friends choose to fill their spare time. I don't think reading makes me better than someone who doesn't read - I'm certainly not reading anything groundbreaking. I like an easy read, and equally you'll find me watching Eastenders on the 4 evenings it's on.

The problem I have is the judgement that seems to come with having the time to read - when in reality, I have that time because I have decided that I'd rather do that than watch an hour of tv that night. I've still cooked for my family, bathed my children, kept on top of my housework".

And the other comments from the op that it is about competitive busyness rather than criticising other people for a perceived lack of intellectual endeavour.

I always think with reading it’s one of those things where you have to be focused and present. You can’t do it ‘on the go’ like you can with a podcast or audiobook. So actually, if you do the majority or all of the childcare and housekeeping, there might not actually be much time to sit and read in the day.

My ex-ILs used to be extremely sniffy about anything I spent time doing and claimed it showed I had too much time on my hands - unlikely with a full time job and two DC! But doing crosswords, reading, ironing, baking, sketching, all proof I was basically an idler who dreamt the day away, because they would never have time for those things. The fact they watched more TV in one day than I would in a week obviously didn’t have anything to do with it. Of course I would never mention their TV addiction as proof they had too much time on their hands, oh no.

I find competitive business really boring so I just nod along when someone tells me how lucky I am to have the time to go for a 40 minute run

I would say you were lucky because I don't usually have 40 minutes in a day where I'm not responsible for a young child (or 3). When the other parent is home it's usually far too late to go for a run. So to me, having that time available would seem like a luxury. It's not really competitive busyness just different lifestyles at the moment.

That's interesting. My reading has definitely changed since having children, but I have got much better at reading in 15 minute bursts and just take what I can get!

I think it’s partly that you’re kind of acting like if they’re not reading they must be watching telly. It does this weird thing where it sets reading and telly against each other which leads to natural questioning of which one is better. I have a friend who runs marathons. She would probably be out running while I’m lying on the couch finishing a book. I’m too busy to run, she’s too busy to read.

Also then the thread encourages the incredulous comments like ‘how can anyone sleep without reading, everyone has time for a few pages before bed.’ These types of comments kind of imply that people should be reading. But maybe their few minutes before bed are spend meditating/journaling/planning the next day when you don’t do that.

Don't be snobby about it. An episode of Succession is a better piece of writing than the vast majority of published fiction. I say this as a professional writer!

I would probably say "I don't have time to read" if you asked me. I would mean I don't prioritise novels. I read the New Yorker on my lunchbreak, The Guardian headlines, essays/literary criticism stuff if I have a train journey, quite a lot of short-form writing. But I basically have 8-11pm as my entertainment slot every day (unless I go out), which is sometimes spent reading but much more often is not. DH and I also try to listen to albums start to finish and watch a few films a week.

The other thing about it is that reading is a solitary thing. DH have very little 'downtime' together but we will try to carve out a short amount of time to spend snuggled up watching something we both like on TV. Or we'll all watch a movie together as a family. TV can feel more like a sociable thing. When I'm reading I need to be left alone.

I struggle to "find time to read" although I do love to do it. I suppose what I really mean is finding the right time, I can't bear to be interrupted a lot when reading so would rather not pick a book up if I think that's going to happen. If there's lots of background noise I can't concentrate so wouldn't read if DH had the TV on for example. I would love to set a better example to DC of sitting reading instead of scrolling on my phone, perhaps I need to get over the being interrupted thing!

I think it’s partly that you’re kind of acting like if they’re not reading they must be watching telly.

Ah @Kanaloa , I can see that now.

That's not how it's meant - these conversations normally happen when we are discussing things watched etc, that's the only reason I've made that comparison, because obviously the activities could have been swapped had they WANTED to, which they didn't, and that's not something I judge. I go through stages where I read 2 books on the trot and barely watch anything, but then after could go a month or two without picking up my kindle, because I'd rather watch a season of something.

Yes, but do you have to work once your working day is done?

I work 8-6, then cook dinner. Once the kids are all in bed, I then have to work from 7:30-11:30. I know a lot of solicitors, teachers and professionals who have to do this. If your working day ends at 6, then quite frankly you’ve got 4 hours more to play with than my day.

Yes, this is me. I love to read but I can't cope with reading 2 pages at a time while being constantly interrupted. It spoils reading for me so I end up not bothering.