'I don't have time to read'

[aperolspritzbasicbitch]

Does anyone else get this?

Hobbies wise, apart from walks, I'm not massively active, so I'd say my main hobbies are reading, and listening to podcasts.

The amount of times friends have said they 'don't have time' for either of these things really baffles me - and actually makes me wonder why they seem to say it in a way that implies I have more hours in my day than they do.

We are all at similar points in our lives; working, children, partners, homes to run. They have the time, they just don't have the inclination.

AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

"I haven't got time" usually means "I don't make time." People prioritise different things. Tbh I'm a bit like this with reading. I enjoy it, but would often rather be out and about or online. I do wish I put more time aside for reading, but I wouldn't feel any need to justify myself to others. Why does it matter to you how much other people read?

I read a great deal but do have lots of personal time.

I also think reading is superior to eg watching soaps, in the sense that reading is active and watching tv is passive; and reading widens the vocabulary, improves writing ability, and stimulates the mind, whereas watching soaps is "same old, same old" life (usually at its worst).

And I'm perfectly happy with my snobbery thank you.

AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

but who bought it up in the first place? If you ask them why they don’t read more and they respond with that then YADBU, because you are automatically judging them for their downtime preferences.

if they say that as you’re trying to discuss something you’ve read or listened to then they’re being a bag of dicks.

them saying they don’t get time to read isn’t a reflection on you necessarily though, I love to read but I don’t get time any more, I have free time throughout the day, but I can only really grab 10 - 30 mins at a time at most, so it isn’t enough to settle down to read properly, I miss it :(

I say that but it’s not making any implications about anybody else. Not every comment makes about their own lives are actually a dig about another person.

For me, it’s not that I don’t have time exactly but I don’t have time in the correct environment. I can’t read when there’s background noise so that’s pretty much a no-go until 8:30. Then I’m usually getting tired and reading will put me to sleep so it’s easier to just switch off and have mindless TV/ browsing so my mind can wander. I’ve just started calving out a lunch hour to read as that seems to only sensible time in the day right now.

I just say, I don't make reading a priority right now but wouldn't even think of comparing your life to mine.

It's busy, 25 weeks pregnant, 2 year old and a 4 year old. It can be HARD work. Audiobooks but often it's the bible 5 minutes a day.

You know what it's like... as a reader, when you pick up a good book, you find the time!! I'm definitely busy but I can always find time to read if I have a good book on the go.

It's the same as people say they don't have time to exercise

I'm not sure if I have written something in a way that I didn't intend, but I'll try and clear it up.

It's doesn't matter to me how much other people read. I literally could not care less how my friends choose to fill their spare time. I don't think reading makes me better than someone who doesn't read - I'm certainly not reading anything groundbreaking. I like an easy read, and equally you'll find me watching Eastenders on the 4 evenings it's on.

The problem I have is the judgement that seems to come with having the time to read - when in reality, I have that time because I have decided that I'd rather do that than watch an hour of tv that night. I've still cooked for my family, bathed my children, kept on top of my housework.

There will obviously be people in the word that do not have a second for themselves, they will not have time to read.
Others have the time, but do not want to. And that is great. But say 'I don't want to' don't imply that you couldn't possibly squeeze it in to your 'oh so much busier than yours' day.

I think what they mean is they don’t have time where they can sit down uninterrupted for a decent amount of time. I love reading, but it’s rare I get a few hours without interruption. In my time off work I go to the gym, do my hobby, walk the dog, do the shopping etc. I did manage to finish off a book on Sunday that my mum lent me as DH was watching the football play-offs. Even then I get “Watch this goal”, “that was a foul. Look!” and so on.

Well, it's not their duty to read- and I speak as someone who does love to read, and spends a lot of time reading, and usually finds reading more relaxing than television.

Also, for some people, reading doesn't just require having a certain absolute amount of time, but having significant chunks of undivided time, where one can focus just on reading. So even if they have enough time in total, but have to repeatedly interrupt it to do other activities, it may not work for them

I don’t have time to cook from scratch 😂 now let me pop a pizza in the oven and find out what Betty and Jughead are up to…

I do need to start cooking more though. If I find the time.

I wouldn’t say that is necessarily true as you can exercise while doing other things, so there’s really no excuse for that... Reading not so much, it’s pretty much all encompassing!

I imagine you cook everything from scratch every day too Op. You sound just like someone I was at college with. She was very hard work.

Maybe they do 'want' to, but there are things they want to do more. It's possible to 'want' to do lots more things than you have time for!

like a pp, after an accident I find reading difficult. Partly it's less of an attention span, partly it's not engaging enough and allows my brain to wander & partly that I can no longer 'scan' I have to actually read each word, it's a bit tedious.

it doesn't mean I don't want to read like I used to be able to

be warned, your smugness may catch up with you.

if it's genuinely that you feel annoyed at the implication of their comments then just remind them you all have the same 24 hours. But be warned, you may lose friendships if you don't just accept the shorthand of 'I don't have time' disguising whatever issues they have.

I think it's a bit strange to assume that a friend saying they "don't have time to read" is having a dig at you. Unless there are other issues with the friendship?

You are correct that people have different priorities and we all have to make choices. I love reading but there have been times in my life when I genuinely haven't had the time or headspace to get lost in a book. Now my youngest is 4 and I feel like I'm slowly getting my life back I've picked it up again, but there was a long period where juggling work, a toddler and an older child with SEN meant I read very little. I was constantly starting books and not finishing them. I suppose I could have sacrificed other things to prioritise reading, but it really felt at the time like there weren't enough hours in the day.

@ThirstyThursday I'm sorry, in what world would me reading the latest Richard Osman be something to be smug about?

as a single parent I don't have time to read. or every time I sit down to try I get distracted. and IMO audiobooks are not really reading. I am talking about sitting with a book.

I think of it like this: yes I spend time on social media etc but it's low energy effort. Reading requires concentration. I use my downtime to recharge and social media or TV requires low concentration when I am too tired to focus. Reading on the other hand could be done but invariably I am too mentally exhausted to sit with a book.

So while I have some free time that I could use to read with, invariably reading is too focussed when I am too knackered to do it. TV or social media or whatever is easier and less taxing after a full on day.

I wonder if I'm reading a different thread to everyone else!

I don't think the op is criticising her friends for choosing not to read but for snarking about how she must have soooo much free time so she can read whereas they can't because they're so so busy.

It isn't busyness as such- it's priorities. If reading isn't a priority for someone that's absolutely fine - no issue here. But I would've a bit narked to be told that I must have a much easier life because reading is something I prioritise.

You might be reading a bit too much into their comments. If anything they may feel a bit jealous or bad that they haven’t found time to read.

I’d like to read more but my kids are young but also stay up really late. After working a full day, then doing their tea, showers, etc, sometimes there is really no time to read unless I want to stay up to the early hours of the morning. There have been times they literally snatch books off me, try to jump on the pages, tear them out etc! It’s just not relaxing. But when I do manage I love it.

I agree. But I think people feel judged for saying they don't want to read and would rather watch tv (perhaps especially if they're talking to someone like you who enjoys reading, even if you wouldn't actually judge them for it)

Yeah you are unreasonable and massively judgmental. So I suppose it works both ways as you are acting like they are judging you. You seem to think reading is superior to watching TV.

The problem I have is the judgement that seems to come with having the time to read - when in reality, I have that time because I have decided that I'd rather do that than watch an hour of tv that night. I've still cooked for my family, bathed my children, kept on top of my housework.

You are reading judgment where there isn’t any. When another person is taking part in a conversation they are sharing their own person views and values - whether that be that they actually don’t have time, time is shorthand for ‘circumstances and environment’ or they don’t want to read - all of it doesn’t matter. But they aren’t making any judgement about you, just relaying their own personal experiences back.

I think half of MNs threads are basically posters assuming an ordinary conversation is somehow an implicit dig at them when actually it’s just basic day-to-day communication.

It's not judging its just pointing out that it's not really the case, if people have time for mumsnet, insta, wordle, they have time to read

I will do things to be a bit more active while doing other things (walking kids to/from school, taking bike for a midweek shop) but if I’m actively exercising it would be something like going to a dance/yoga/ Pilates class, heading down to the sea for a swim or getting my hula hoops out and working with those for half an hour to an hour with music on. What else do you do while you exercise?

I always used to say this, but at the beginning of this year I decided to make an effort to read. I started a reading challenge and have completed it.

Now whenever I sit down with a drink, instead of scrolling for ages or turning on the tv, I have a quick phone catchup and then dive into a book! When I go up to bed, I reach for my book instead of my phone.