DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

We’ve left a wedding before the main was served as we had to be up at 5.30am for work. The meal was running 2 hours late as the wedding party decided to go for photographs to a different location than originally planned.

We’d let the bride and groom know that neither of us could get annual leave the day after the wedding and said that we’d happily attend the service only, however they insisted they wanted us at the meal. We couldn’t wait to eat at 6pm then have a 2 hour drive home.

We wish we’d stuck to the declined invite as it caused a huge family rift. When we declined we had the usual “oh please come” shit but we attended due to family pressure.

OP, your DD did what was best for her and no-one has the right to make her feel guilty. MN often preaches it’s an invite not a summons and some people need more sleep than others. Some comments on your thread are batshit imo.

I think this too.

People seem to have become so precious and over sensitive.

Having boundaries and looking after yourself is great and everyone should. But walking out of a wedding mid way through the meal because you want to be home by a certain time just to go to bed is a bit ridiculous.

She should have finished her meal then left.

Absolute piss take to leave mid meal so you can be home for 8pm ready for work the next day, sorry.

Is your dd 3 and by work you meant "to watch her favourite CBeebies show?"

Her poor grandma was probably embarrassed, I don’t blame her for trying to get her to stay. Awkward.

Wow your DD is out of order leaving before the meals, they are expensive, goodness she is acting like an old woman tbh.

OP, your DD did what was best for her and no-one has the right to make her feel guilty

This is what I mean. We don't have to do what's best for us in every situation. Some situations we have to weigh up what's ideal for us v how it affects other people. If everyone just did what's best for them with no consideration for how it affects others, then we end up with a very selfish society.

What job does your DD do?

Echoing previous replies, I think she should have made the effort to stay longer.

Leaving in the middle of a meal is SO rude unless there is an emergency. Surely as long as she was home by 10:30pm no harm done? I can’t fathom why she thought that was the time to leave

No the DD wasn’t. She has a life and has a right to leave when she wants. The wedding ran late for goodness sake, other people’s lives do not revolve around one day for a bride and groom.

This!

We got married on the day of Princess Diana's funeral (in the next village along from Althorp). My boss at the time was invited and halfway through the evening, I suddenly realised I hadn't seen him or his wife. I was told by my parents later that he apparently 'just couldn't get past what day it was' and felt it wasn't right to be celebrating under the circumstances.. They left directly after the church service.

I am still hopping mad with him when I think about it even now. My parents saved every penny for years to pay as much as they could for the wedding, and there were other people I would actually have liked there rather than that disappearing rude cockwomble.

So I'm sorry but on that basis, I do think DD was a bit selfish - she obviously never intended to do more than stay for the meal and then leave pretty much straight after anyway, and that's kinda worse if it was premeditated. And as for the IL's? Mine was totally crackers, so spontaneous, explosive outbursts were the norm, doesn't make it right though!

I think the family went a bit OTT but I do kinda get it. Why would anyone go to a wedding party night-do type thing, (which would usually not start til 8pm-ish and would generally go on til midnight or so,) when they know they have to be up for work at the next day at half six a.m? Surely she could have booked it as leave/swapped shifts/lost 3 or 4 hours work/gone in later in the day.

For a close family to do this, is poor form IMO.

You did ask @Safarigiraffe

See amazingly on that day and as a guest of the bride and groom yes people’s lives should be organised around the people getting married. At least if they have any manners.

Agree with this. Sounds very much like she didn't want to be there tbh.

100% agree with this too. ^

I think this is one of those situations where being clear about expectations right from the start could have saved a lot of hassle. If DD knew she wanted to be home by 8pm then with a bit of logistical planning then she probably could have worked out that only staying for the ceremony would have been the best solution and could have cleared this with the bride and groom beforehand and made sure that the wider family were also aware.

That way no food goes to waste, she gets in with ample time to prepare for work (there’s a lot of judgement on this thread about 8pm being too early, but everyone is different, I have an insomniac friend who has to go to bed excruciatingly early in the hope of getting enough zzzs before her alarm goes off), and no need for any histrionics or chasing across the car park.

Mind you, it’s not really a wedding if someone doesn’t have a fit of the screaming abdabs at some point it? Although usually better if it’s Little Timmy because he doesn’t want to go to bed and instead wants to skid across to the dance floor to Gangnam Style, as opposed to a fully grown woman…

There was probably a lot of other guests to celebrate the wedding. What difference would it make to ONE person leaving? People do what is best for them and the comments expecting some to stay to eat food that’s paid for is bizarre to me. If money is the issue I’d have offered to pay for a meal that I didn’t eat that a wedding I was invited to. Mumsnet is batshit sometimes.

@StarGazerOriental well actually on their Wedding Day the day does revolve around them. If she wanted to be tucked up in bed early all she had to do was decline the invitation.

She was rude. Nobody has that much getting ready to do for work that hey need to be home at 8.30 for a 6.30 start. She could have sucked up a slight change to her routine or a slightly later night to celebrate a wedding and not waste the ££ that someone has spent on a meal for her. Really bizarre behaviour considering if she had stayed another hour shed still have got home in time to so whatever for an hour and still get 8 hours sleep. It comes accross as selfish and just a bit bizarre to leave half way through a meal to get back 10 hours before you leave the house again

This, of course she wasn’t rude. It ran late, she needed to get back and it’s nobody’s business to judge her reasons. It’s just a wedding reception, guests aren’t prisoners.

But MN has quite a lot of users who are next-level precious about wedding ‘etiquette’ and miss no chance to express that in strong terms.

'People do what's best for them' is a very poor excuse for just being a selfish piece of work frankly. But hey let's all do what's best for us all the time and screw everyone else right? 🙄

I can only assume that your MIL must have thought that she was leaving early for another reason - maybe she followed your dd out because she assumed that she was ill or upset about something? I don't think anybody would think that she was leaving so early without even eating her main course just because she had to get up at a fairly normal time for work the next day - that would be really rude as it's so unnecessary.

I m baffled as to why she couldn't be home later than 8.15. In bed by 10.30 gives 8 hours sleep. What are the extra two hours needed for? I suppose she'd need to cook and eat some dinner. It's a shame there wasn't the chance to have anything to eat before she left. Oh, wait ...