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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

1000 replies

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:07

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

OP posts:
Wife2b · 29/05/2023 23:38

Leaving before food is rude knowing the bride and groom have paid for it. She should of sucked it up IMO.

NoTouch · 29/05/2023 23:38

FirstFallopians · 29/05/2023 23:27

Agree with pp about wanting to be home at a decent hour before an early start. Getting work clothes laid out, sorting out a lunch, have a shower before going to bed etc. I don’t think that’s unusual.

But she should have been more realistic about timings and considered whether it was fair to accept the evening invite if she was going to be so pushed for time.

Could have been handled with more consideration, but your MIL does sound like a big of a drama Queen.

Ffs lay your clothes out the day before if you know your going to a wedding and shower in the morning. Its called making a (tiny!) effort. The dd obviously was at the wedding under durress, couldnt wait to leave, had had enough and simply didnt give a shit about leaving mid meal.

alphajuliet123 · 29/05/2023 23:38

LittleBearPad · 29/05/2023 23:32

Your daughter could have waited for her main course at least. She didn’t need to be home over ten hours before starting work.

Over 10 hours before even waking up!

We’ve all had the occasional inconveniently late night before work, but a wedding surely trumps an extra hours sleep. Honestly I can’t believe people are defending her leaving mid meal!

Bbqshowdownusa · 29/05/2023 23:39

chaosmaker · 29/05/2023 23:37

It's only a wedding, you can leave when you like. Non issue blown out of proportion.

Leaving midway through the meal is very unusual and rude. She should of declined the invite if she was on such a tight time scale for work….. the next day.

Sunshineandseagulls · 29/05/2023 23:39

Was there any reason ahe couldn't have slipped away once the meal was over? It does seem quite rude to leave in the middle of the meal. I know it ran later than expected, but that can happen and it would have been polite of DD to have been a little more flexible with her timings if possible. She did get home fairly early after all.

Zwicky · 29/05/2023 23:39

Getting work clothes laid out, sorting out a lunch, have a shower before going to bed etc

Huge numbers of people who will have needed to be up at 6:30 will still have been doing the previous days shift by the time this woman was binge watching Netflix in her pyjamas. I have an 8.5 hour turnaround time when I work consecutive days and I’m in bed for 8 of those. It’s absolutely not normal behaviour to leave someone’s wedding a quarter of the way through dinner to lay clothes out for 2 hours.

Fairowing · 29/05/2023 23:39

Unless that was the last train or there’s undisclosed health issues or caring responsibilities, your DD was being unreasonable to leave so early for a 6:30 wake up. The wedding was a scheduled event and the work preparation your DD went home for could have been done in advance

Hugasauras · 29/05/2023 23:40

I think it was a bit bonkers, sorry. She's a young woman, presumably in okay health? It's a special occasion and if she was home by 8pm then what time did she leave?! I'm sure she could manage one work shift on slightly less sleep than usual. Christ when I was in my late teens/early 20s I was going to work straight from a night out sometimes Blush
(disclaimer: I was not a lorry driver or a brain surgeon).

Ilovetea42 · 29/05/2023 23:40

I agree your dd should have waited until the meal was finished and then left so her meal wasn't going to waste after being paid for unless she'd told the bride and groom in advance that she needed to leave at x time exactly in advance. Even then I personally would have pushed it but if she had a long drive home and was tired already then I also can see why she didn't want to leave it any later so she wasn't driving exhausted. I think your mil should have said nothing and done nothing and then brought it up later on privately if she had an issue instead of making a scene.

FairAcre · 29/05/2023 23:40

chaosmaker · 29/05/2023 23:37

It's only a wedding, you can leave when you like. Non issue blown out of proportion.

But the bride and groom would have spent money on that person’s meal. She should have taken a day’s holiday or refused the invitation if she cba to invest in the day.

FirstFallopians · 29/05/2023 23:40

RichardMarxisinnocent · 29/05/2023 23:33

Getting work clothes laid out, sorting out a lunch, have a shower before going to bed etc

But that doesn't take a couple of hours surely? She could get home at 10, do that and still be in bed at a reasonable time for getting up at 6.30am. And she could probably give the getting work clothes laid out a miss, and just put them straight on after getting them out of the wardrobe in the morning?

Horses for courses.

DH is like this- he’d be chomping at the bit to get home so he has time to get sorted for the next day and then decompress for a hour or so before bed.

Might not be for everyone, but it’s not particularly unusual.

TheBeesKnee · 29/05/2023 23:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

What were the B&G actually supposed to say though? "No you can't leave early, stay and eat the meal we're paying £70 for"?! Realistically they couldn't say anything other than okay without getting into a drama.

MIL probably didn't believe DD because that sounds absolutely bananas. Any reasonable person would raise an eyebrow at leaving a wedding at 6pm to get home for 8pm.

OP I think your mil was a drama llama but your daughter's behaviour was poor too.

She should have either declined the meal or wedding or taken annual leave or at the very least just powered through with a strong coffee the following day. Literally anything other than swanning off mid wedding meal. She comes across as precious. And that's my politests view of the situation.

Hugasauras · 29/05/2023 23:41

FirstFallopians · 29/05/2023 23:40

Horses for courses.

DH is like this- he’d be chomping at the bit to get home so he has time to get sorted for the next day and then decompress for a hour or so before bed.

Might not be for everyone, but it’s not particularly unusual.

Show quote history

Yes but this is someone's wedding. It's a special occasion, and while he might be 'chomping at the bit' to leave and lay out clothes for two hours, it's rude and sometimes we have to suck it up because not everything is about us.

alphajuliet123 · 29/05/2023 23:43

FirstFallopians · 29/05/2023 23:40

Horses for courses.

DH is like this- he’d be chomping at the bit to get home so he has time to get sorted for the next day and then decompress for a hour or so before bed.

Might not be for everyone, but it’s not particularly unusual.

Show quote history

He’d leave before the main course was even served? Come on, given the prices paid for wedding meals, you think that’s ok?!

Hugasauras · 29/05/2023 23:43

Sometimes I wonder if this 'I have to protect my own well-being/look after myself/self-care' stuff has swung a bit too far in the other direction. It seems to make people
think they are excused from basic manners.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/05/2023 23:44

In laws do sound unhinged making such a fuss, and then chasing Dd across the car park (MIL).

But I agree it seems very early to have to leave for a 6.30 start

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 29/05/2023 23:44

I find it hard to believe that your daughter goes to bed that early every time she has a 6.30am start. It is rude to leave before eating a meal someone has paid for. Total waste of money - She should have just declined if she was that rigid on time.

MIL shouldn't have a scene but yes daughter was rude.

lemonaddde · 29/05/2023 23:45

I wouldn't have made a scene or said anything. None of my business.

But

Your daughter could have stayed and finished her meal at least.

Dashing home half way through a meal just to get to bed for work the next day is a bit much.

If she had to leave to catch a flight or a train or whatever, or she was on a night shift, fine. But just to go home dead on a certain time just because she is working the next day? Confused

SparklyBlackKitten · 29/05/2023 23:47

She should OF stayed

She could OF ;)

deliberately being annoying

alphajuliet123 · 29/05/2023 23:47

Hugasauras · 29/05/2023 23:43

Sometimes I wonder if this 'I have to protect my own well-being/look after myself/self-care' stuff has swung a bit too far in the other direction. It seems to make people
think they are excused from basic manners.

Yes, exactly this. If I was OP I’d have explained very pointedly to my child why they shouldn’t leave yet. And they wouldn’t have, because they are polite and considerate and know that someone elses wedding day isn’t about them.

Boomboom22 · 29/05/2023 23:47

She was rude to leave to get home for 8. 9.30 or 10 to go straight to bed would be less rude. I'm not sure why she was at such a far removed relatives wedding in tye first place though and can see why the couple didn't care and also if the mil was paying why she thought it was rude to accept in the first place if you'll leave without eating.

Twilight7777 · 29/05/2023 23:48

I would have said 11pm was early enough for her to leave be up for 6.30. Leaving at 8pm seems bonkers!

Boomboom22 · 29/05/2023 23:48

She didn't leave at 8pm. She left in time to get home by 8pm!!

FirstFallopians · 29/05/2023 23:49

Hugasauras · 29/05/2023 23:41

Yes but this is someone's wedding. It's a special occasion, and while he might be 'chomping at the bit' to leave and lay out clothes for two hours, it's rude and sometimes we have to suck it up because not everything is about us.

Show quote history

Well yes- I’ve already said in my first post that the dd could have been more considerate, taken some annual leave or declined the invite. That’s obvious.

But there’s nothing inherently weird about someone liking an early night before a day of work. Others might be ready for a 18 hour shift down the mines after a 20 minute Power Nap, but others need a huge amount of sleep to feel functional.

unfortunateevents · 29/05/2023 23:49

I think most people still don't understand why your daughter needed to be home by 8:30 for a 6:30 am wake up. Does it take her hours to get ready for bed? I think particularly for one night and for an occasion like a wedding she could have made an effort and at least stayed for the main course. I'm sure the bride and groom won't be hugely happy at having paid for a presumably expensive meal for someone who didn't eat it.

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