DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

One person leaving early is hardly a big deal. Yes the meal is expensive, but there is always some irregularity.

I can see why someone might prefer her to stay later, but throwing a scene about it is much bigger social crime.

She left a wedding at 6.30/6.45pm before the pre-paid dinner had even been served because she had work the next morning?

Yes sorry but that’s bizarre and if I was the bride or groom I’d be quite offended that someone was clearly having such an abysmal time at my wedding that they’d shot out the door before even eating.

And I am the last person to care about wedding etiquette, our wedding was tiny and I didn't care about any of the formal stuff, but I still think what OP's DD did was rude and I'd be embarrassed on her behalf. But I expect given both she and OP seem to think she's justified that she's been brought up with the belief that her wants come above everyone else's all of the time.

I don't think it's a big deal particularly and doubt it will have affected the bride and groom's day in any major way, but OP asked for opinions on it so here we are. It was rude.

Interested to hear if her dd needs to be home getting ready for bed at 8pm on every work night…. Saying that from reading this thread and the feeble posters who think it’s reasonable, these people must exist.

While the family should have stayed out of it, your DD should not have bothered attending. Incredibly rude to leave before the main course, especially given how much it costs to cater for people at a wedding.

I think it's rude that she had to leave so early as it sends the message she didn't want to be there. It's particularly rude that she didn't have the meal that the couple would have paid for!

Could she not have got home at midnight and still gone to work in the morning? When I was young I've got home at around 4am and then still got up early for work.

To be honest, I think both parties are at fault.

How long was the journey back home and what does your DD do for work? Unless it's something where sleep is critical (e.g. healthcare, driving), I would have expected your DD to at least stay until the end of the meal, seeing as she accepted the invitation. One day feeling a little tired at work wouldn't have hurt her (most of us have done it)! Obviously, there are exceptions (health, profession) but you haven't mentioned any....

Oh do give over. It's not 'precious' or going OTT about etiquette to expect someone to stay for a WEDDING MEAL that someone's hard earned money has gone into providing. Leaving at 8pm and not be arsed to finish the meal was breathtakingly rude. There are some people on this thread with manners that would make a flea ridden camel blush. Disgusting attitudes honestly.

The thing is, weddings need to run to time. There will be some people who need to leave by a certain time - it isn’t okay to have the evening drag on.

OP says the journey home was 90 minutes and her daughter left at 6:30 to be home by 8.

I mean she left v early and I think knowing that a wedding bfast meal had been paid for she could have waited another hour reasonably and eaten. Presumably she had to go home and eat anyway.

HOWEVER your MIL obv shouldn't have caused a scene

She left pretty early and before the meal so that was rude

But your family's reaction was OTT

Everyone was unreasonable

Thanks - I don't usually miss these things - must be tired eyes!

In light of this... I think it sends an "I can't be bothered" message from DD.

My DH and I recently left a wedding that was 2 hours drive away at 10 pm (couldn't stay overnight due to childcare), because we wanted to be there...

Your daughter’s behaviour is really odd. The only drama Queen is here in my view. She was very rude to leave in the middle of a meal that was for a special occasion and was paid for by someone else. Does your daughter have any issues around eating disorders or anxiety at social occasions? Or even OCD? Sticking so very rigidly to her usual routine no matter what is quite unusual. Most people who work FT get up at 6.30am or even earlier and shock horror some manage to stay up late occasionally and STILL go to work next day.

I mean if she were a surgeon or something I’d understand the need to be rigid.

But you’ve made it sound like Cinderella where she has to leave early otherwise her car will turn into a pumpkin. 😆

Yup. You're DD was rude. Are you going to explain why a seemingly young, healthy woman needs to be home by 8.30pm to get up at a time most or many of us do every day?
I'm middle aged, have a physically and mentally demanding job and I also manage a social life in the evenings occasionally,

I once had to get up and leave a wedding during the speeches because the food was almost two hours late and I had a train to catch (had it been now I would have skipped the whole thing, but it was a long time ago).

This is on the venue as much as it is anybody else. If somebody needs time to prepare for work the next day, that's their business and not for others who don't do whatever job it is to question.

Actually, I have just noticed, she left about half six, not 8pm. She got HOME at 8pm. That's even worse!

But the food was TWO hours late in your case. Completely different scenario.

Starting work at 6.30am or getting up then?

Don’t most people with jobs/kids get up around that kind of time anyway? My alarm goes off at 7 and I’m usually asleep by 11.30ish (clearly not tonight though!), although I appreciate some people seem to need a lot more sleep than I do.

I think your MIL escalated the situation, but leaving before the main course of a wedding is served because you have to get up at a perfectly normal time the next day is really bizarre. Unless your DD has some kind of medical issue or another reason she absolutely had to be home so early, could she really have not waited another hour?

Like others, I really don't think 20:00 is very late to get home for work the next day. I'd have stayed for the meal at least. As long as you're home for about 10/11pm, and straight to bed, A one-off is fine, surely?
In any case, making a big scene, especially when you aren't a close family member, is a bit much...

I think it was rude of the Dd to leave so early and half way through the wedding meal. Some of these meals are really expensive per person! Would it really be hard to stay for another hour just to finish the meal and presumably hear the speeches!
It's not even like 6:30 am is early to get up I would think most workers get up around that time and anyone who's had kids will have been up at that time literally every morning for years! Be a boring life of you couldn't stay up late ever for a special occasion. I agree with othef posters that it shows she couldn't be bothered to stay and disrupt her routine.

OP said she has to get up at 6.30am. As you say, a perfectly normal time, and the young woman could have stayed til at LEAST 9pm, or here's a radical idea; she could have booked a few hours/a morning off or swapped shifts, like any normal person would who was going to a wedding night do.

And will she be in bed by 9pm again tonight? Since she had another 6:30am start...

Your MIL was a bit dramatic, maybe she had expected DD to leave more likely at 8pm rather than aim to be back then? Since DH left with her perhaps she worried that DD was upset or ill.

I'm confused by timings as well, did they server the starter and then there was an hour long wait after the starter?

It sounds like she was planning to leave very quickly after eating, or skipping dessert and speeches, anyway if an hour delay nearly threw her schedule off... rude tbh, say you'll only be at the service or plan to be later

Well in the OP's case the food was one hour late rather than two, but had I had to go at a particular time and miss some of it rather than risk missing my train I would have done so. And I left at 5.30pm.

I bet she does when it’s something she wants to do!