DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

Does dd ever go out beyond 8.30 on a work night?

Really odd to leave mid wedding meal just because she had work the next day. Yes MIL acted OTT but probably everyone was cringing at how rude she was that she'd wasted the food when she just could have got home slightly later.

So why did she have to leave so early? Getting home for 8pm for a 6.30am start is odd unless there are health issues here

I assume your daughter is an adult. I think she was utterly ridiculous to leave so early (unless we're awaiting a drip feed about a disability) - she had to get up at 630?!

The way your in laws carried on was ridiculous but your daughter was equally ridiculous to leave so early.

Your Dd was rude.
MIL was also rude.

I think as long as she let the couple know in advance that she had to leave early, it’s not rude (assuming that’s the same time she’d leave a night out with friends before work the next day!). If she didn’t, or she’d manage if it was a different night out, then it doesn’t reflect well on her. But that’s no reason to cause a scene, one person leaving a wedding early would barely be noticed normally, sounds like it’s your MIL’s fault that it became an issue.

Your daughter was rude but your in laws shouldn’t have made a scene. I’d understand it if she was a toddler but a grown adult needing to be home for 8.30 for a 6.30 start is not normal and most people would have thought it was bonkers. Your in laws should just have rolled their eyes and said nothing.

Why are you more concerned about her being called out for being so rude and disrespectful, than her actually being so rude and disrespectful?

Young people need to be told when they have behaved badly, especially if their parents are not going to fill them in.

Does she have health issue you are going to drip feed that a one off late night for a very special occasion is impossible for her?

Agree with pp about wanting to be home at a decent hour before an early start. Getting work clothes laid out, sorting out a lunch, have a shower before going to bed etc. I don’t think that’s unusual.

But she should have been more realistic about timings and considered whether it was fair to accept the evening invite if she was going to be so pushed for time.

Could have been handled with more consideration, but your MIL does sound like a big of a drama Queen.

What's wrong with a Dad making sure his daughter is safe?

Why not? Is she especially thick as well as rude? These sorts of things were easily in my comprehension as a teenager. I didn’t need anyone older to point out the blindingly obvious.

That doesn't take a couple of hours though.

It is bonkers that your daughter left mid meal to be home at 8.30
for a 6.30 wake up the next day.

I assume the B&G always knew she'd have to leave at X time. I actually think the B&G were the rude ones, running an hour late! I once had to wait outside a barn in the rain for an hour because a wedding meal ran an hour late (I was only invited to the ceremony and disco. So inconsiderate).

I don't think it is unreasonable for her to want a good night's sleep. She could be a brain surgeon for all we know. I need 9 hrs sleep to function optimally. I had a medic leave my wedding early for shift reasons. Some jobs aren't flexible.

Basically, I think your ILs were the unreasonable ones.

I also still remember the wedding where I left at 10pm because I was dependent on my Mum to give me a lift home and that's the time she could do. The Mother of the bride was very rude to me when I went to say goodbye and told me that I was a terrible friend for not staying to wave the B&G off to their hotel.

DD left early as she had been up from 630 like the rest of us but wanted to come home around 8pm to get ready for work next day

If you want to be home by 8pm, you can’t go to a wedding 90 minutes away where the dinner is due to be served at 5:30. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where the food is early. Late is more normal than on time. A wedding where the daughter of the grooms dads cousins is invited sound like there will be several tables to serve and you would expect the meal to last at least 2-3 hours with 3 courses, cake, speeches etc. If you couldn’t budget staying until 9:30 she should have declined.

Your daughter could have waited for her main course at least. She didn’t need to be home over ten hours before starting work.

What else were they meant to say mid wedding meal? They were being polite.

Getting work clothes laid out, sorting out a lunch, have a shower before going to bed etc

But that doesn't take a couple of hours surely? She could get home at 10, do that and still be in bed at a reasonable time for getting up at 6.30am. And she could probably give the getting work clothes laid out a miss, and just put them straight on after getting them out of the wardrobe in the morning?

But why did she have to be home so early?

I wouldn’t have made a scene but I would’ve been amazed and pretty miffed with her. Why didn’t you tell her she was being incredibly rude? I would’ve told my teenage daughter to get a grip and wait.

Agree with others she should have either declined the invitation or finished the meal. Of course the bride and groom were polite to her face, but I’ve no doubt they were a little disappointed / annoyed. Does sound a bit precious.

Woudlnt she have to go home and eat? I think she should have planned for the morning the night before. 630 really isn’t early, j mean my young DCs age 11 and 7 got up at 3am to catch a flight and were still up at 9pm on holiday!

she’s missed food, company and a dance! I think your MIL was right, she left early.

Completely agree.

So bloody rude to leave half way through a meal.. bride and groom pay a lot of money for everyone to have a sit down meal.. in some cases over £100 per person and your DD couldn’t stay up past 8 for work the next day?! Shocking.

It's only a wedding, you can leave when you like. Non issue blown out of proportion.

I've been to, like, 30 weddings and most have run pretty closely to time. Mine did. I remember the ones that ran late because it is a) not the norm in my circle, and b) rude to the guests. Most people have separate evening guests, if things run late they are left hanging around, in my experience.

It would not occur to me to warn anyone that weddings run late as a rule.